I Pretended to Be Trans to Get Ahead

I don't hate trans people. I never have. But I did something that I know is wrong, and I want to be honest about it.

From 2021 to 2025, I pretended to be trans. I did it because I felt it was what I had to do after losing my job in the summer of 2020. It was an easy way to advance in my life. I stopped identifying as trans once it no longer provided benefits. I am a white cis man.

The Backstory

In the summer of 2020, I lost my job. The economy was rough, and I was struggling to find work. I was desperate. I needed a way to stand out, to get ahead, to survive. And I saw that companies were prioritizing diversity and inclusion. They were actively looking for people from marginalized communities. And I thought, "What if I could be one of them?"

So I started identifying as trans. I changed my pronouns. I updated my social media profiles. I told my colleagues and friends that I was transitioning. I even started dressing differently. I didn't have any intention of actually transitioning medically. I just needed the label.

The Benefits

It worked. Almost immediately, doors started opening for me. I got job interviews that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise. I got promotions. People were more interested in my story, more invested in my success. I was the diversity hire. I was the person who made the company look progressive.

I also benefited socially. I found a community that was incredibly welcoming and supportive. I made friends. I felt like I belonged. For a while, it felt like I had found a place where I was valued and accepted. But I knew it was all built on a lie.

The Guilt

I felt guilty the whole time. Every time someone praised me for my bravery, I felt like a fraud. Every time someone asked me about my journey, I lied. I made up stories about my struggles, my fears, my coming out. I was playing a character. And it worked. But it was exhausting.

I also knew that I was taking something away from people who actually needed it. Real trans people face discrimination. They are at higher risk for violence, homelessness, and mental health struggles. They aren't pretending. They are fighting to be seen as who they really are. And I was using their identity as a stepping stone.

Stopping

Once I had achieved what I wanted the job, the promotions, the social connections I stopped identifying as trans. I didn't make a big announcement. I just gradually shifted back to presenting as a cis man. I started using my old pronouns again. I stopped talking about my "journey." People noticed, but no one really asked. It was like they had forgotten, or maybe they just didn't want to know.

I went back to being a white cis man. And I'm still benefiting from what I did. The career advantages I gained haven't disappeared. I'm in a better position than I was before. But I know it's built on a lie.

I know what I did was wrong. It was manipulative. It was dishonest. It was disrespectful to the trans community. I'm not proud of it. But I'm also not sure if I would do anything differently if I were put in the same position again.

I was desperate. I needed to survive. And I did what I thought I had to do. That doesn't excuse it, but it does explain it.

I don't know if this is something I can ever fully make right. I've thought about coming clean, but I don't think it would help anyone. It would just hurt the people who trusted me. It would undermine the progress that real trans people have made. It would make things worse, not better.

So I'm keeping the secret. I'm moving forward. And I'm trying to use my position to actually support the trans community, to advocate for them, to amplify their voices, to use my privilege to help. It's not enough. But it's something.