How to Create Happiness Outside of a Relationship and Enjoy More of Your Life

“Remember, happiness does not mean having everything. It means thank you for everything you have. ”~ Unknown

I was single for many years. But I was not just an ordinary man, I was miserable.

Instead of enjoying a time in my life when I should not have cared for anyone other than myself and used it to devote my full attention to my purpose and desires, I chose to take the train "woe to me".

I was crying about being single every day and wishing other women the best of luck in dating. I would blame everyone I dated for being “just not ready,” or in some way be wrong.

I didn’t realize that I was the usual way in all my failed relationship efforts.

I am the one who chooses to spend time with these men and ignore the big red flags that will put them in the early Christmas.

Instead of taking the time to ask patiently and reject the men who were not right for me, I allowed my despair to please any man who might show interest.

My failure to find happiness without a relationship ultimately kept me from getting married.

The saying “you attract what you are” proved true in my case. I was miserable by being single, so I kept drawing closer to him.

I continued in the same way until I decided that something needed to be changed.

I realized that I had made a lot of fun out of the many men I dated.

Their presence, commitment, and interest in me would determine how happy I was. Unfortunately, because of the questionable taste of my romantic partners, that often means I'm not so happy. So, I decided it was time to change that.

That's when things started to change, and I began to demand the life and love that I wanted. Here's what I've done to find happiness outside of relationships:

Dealing with the absence of relationships

One thing I have learned is that in the absence of a romantic relationship I should have found satisfying work that I enjoy.

If you are single you have a lot of time. Time to think about everything you feel you don't have.

I spent my nights watching romantic movies in Hallmark wishing my life was like a movie title.

And more often than not, everything he did made me feel even worse. So, I decided to use that free time in a better way.

I came up with a nice late-night routine that included coloring, listening to music, and reading a book about spiritual or human development.

I was filling in the blanks with tasks that filled me.

The same is true in the morning. Instead of lying in bed and scrolling on Instagram until all I could see were the couple and the kids, I started running.

Not only was I in the best condition of my life because of it, but I also discovered a new love of running and exercise that quickly turned into a hobby that I love now.

By dealing with the lack of direct relationships I have found jobs that have made me happy.

Coping With the Crisis of Singleness

The second thing I could do to find happiness outside of marriage was to learn to deal with the grief that often comes with being single.

It is no secret that celibacy can suck.

No matter how often people who are single are made to believe that singleness is a blessing in disguise, it can be hard to see when that blessing would be permanent.

What I have learned is that instead of avoiding, pressuring, and denying grief, I should have learned to accept it.

I needed to let the ebbs and flow out of the pan properly. With deep sadness and despair, I was again able to feel happy and excited for the next one.

Reminding yourself that no feeling lasts forever, and that you will eventually overcome it, the light at the end of the tunnel finally continues.

Therefore, you should make it a habit to get used to your inner well-being every day. Here are three ways I do this:

1. Start your morning with a meditation practice that concentrates and aligns with how you really feel.

2. Start writing down your thoughts to better understand your fears and anxieties. You can dedicate a few minutes in the morning or evening to it.

3. Commit to your daily work. Many times throughout the day, stop what you are doing and simply write down three or five things you are grateful for. They could be simple things like your home, furniture, or body parts that help you.

There are many different practices to choose from. The only thing that matters is that you create a safe environment and a process that allows you to hear your feelings without judgment.

This will help you to cope with the grief of singleness.

Dealing With Dating Uncertainty

The last thing I needed to learn in order to be happy without a relationship was how to roam free without feeling overwhelmed or discouraged.

Dating these days sounds like you're getting into a nightmare. With so many terms and phrases that describe the act of dating, most people are not sure what to do again.

Are you dating, roaming, socializing, or maybe "cold"?

If you do not know, you are likely to be overwhelmed by uncertainty. And that feeling of anxiety is worse.

It’s a constant ride on an emotional roller coaster controlled by someone else.

So how can you learn to cope with the uncertainties that often come with dating?

The first step is to build your self-confidence and remind yourself that your relationship status does not determine your worth.

When a romantic relationship does not go your way, you may feel frustrated and disappointed. These feelings are legitimate and should be respected; however, you should remember that it is only emotions. That means they will pass.