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How I Stopped Feeling Unworthy of Love (And Finally Learned to Receive It)

"I hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope you have enough energy to leave what is not love." ~ Tiffany Tomiko

By Arya SharmaPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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How I Stopped Feeling Unworthy of Love (And Finally Learned to Receive It)
Photo by Gemma Chua-Tran on Unsplash

"I hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope you have enough energy to leave what is not love." ~ Tiffany Tomiko

At the age of 30, I fell in love with a man shortly after my divorce.

It was one of those quick and angry things that didn’t have a label and it left me thinking I should have done a lot in my head.

It was not the first and it would not be the last. How often do I end up feeling abandoned and abandoned? I tried my best to please my partner, but no matter what I did, I seemed to be pushing them away.

With tears in my eyes, I shared my pain with the spirit and spirit counselor and asked for his guidance.

He suggested that I imagine the happiness that can come from a happy and simple relationship. You asked me, "Briana, why don't you use your strength and focus on that goal?"

But it wasn't that easy. I was attached and hanged to this young man. Why didn't he love me as much as I loved him?

Another thought came to my mind, which I did not realize existed before.

Before I could speak, she said, “Oooohhhh, Briana. I can feel it already. You think that if you are not in pain, then your art and other creative works will not help at all. ”

I burst into another round of cries.

Because it was true. I thought so.

I thought I had done my best when I was very upset, and if you could take away my grief, I would not only be a normal person, but the worst… I could be the bad artist I always thought I was.

All aspects of explicit exposure will be cliché, trite, and unattractive. There would be nothing special for me.

So I would be unpopular.

The drama proved my worth, in a way; a drama of doing well enough to find love.

It wasn't until four years after that conversation that I finally stopped sticking to my pain.

Because I realized that pain didn't make something (love) a reality - it just made it more difficult.

You probably know where I come from. Maybe you feel that you, too, need to “chase” relationships and suffer because they are really important. To be really important.

That is simply not true. There is a better way to build relationships, and that is what I would previously call “boring” and “very easy,” but it is really about respecting your identity, your self-confidence and opening up to love.

Here's what I've learned about giving up feeling unworthy of love and learning how to find it.

1. Take off your mask.

Like me, don’t believe that in order to attract a lover and deserve love, you have to make yourself the perfect partner, with things like making them feel wanted and wanted, looking good, and funny, smart, smart, and interested all the time.

All of these tricks can attract a person who can be his partner. Indeed, it may inspire them to take an active interest in the subject, perhaps even temporarily.

But this does not mean that it will soften their hearts and cause them to fall into a soul-searching relationship with you.

In fact, when I used to think I needed to pretend I was not what I needed to be in order to be in love, I was just stopping someone else.

Why?

Because while glamor and splendor are attractive, and, at a deeper level, it left me completely unattainable.

In the same way, you fire your partner for doing it all the time.

You see, your partner will feel like they should do the same, and while that may be fun at first, unless the mask comes off, it also gets very annoying.

A loving partner will not worry so much about how many degrees you hold or how much money you make in your career and how much you love what you do.

A loving partner does not care how many facts you can say. They will appreciate your company if you are a very good person, but that will not make them feel anything about you.

The way to the heart of partners is to make them feel safe enough to explore and feel for themselves.

Doing so by feeling safe enough to express your feelings - without anyone else's permission.

Because if you don't say you're comfortable with your skin, this partner won't feel comfortable or secure in your openness, either.

And if someone can't open you up, warts and everything, they can't fall in love with you. It's that simple.

When you put on performance instead of taking off your mask, you are talking nonsense about real fantasy, because that sounds safer than being safe. And then with the power and the way you don’t speak you tell your partner that you can’t deal with their vulnerability, too.

And isn't it liberating? You, in all your vulnerability, are the person they want and need to be your own, the real thing.

2. Communicate with your emotions.

What many of us do when we feel unworthy of love makes our emotions weak and we pretend to feel something different than what we actually feel.

But a loving partner wants to know why you are angry when you are angry and why you are angry.

Guess what happens when you do otherwise, when you feel different? Of course, drama.

If they think you're angry, but they're not sure, because you're trying so hard to smile on your face, say, "I'm fine," and then fill in the blanks, you're not really deceiving anyone, just confusing them.

Your power and your words will contradict each other, and that is the seed of great warfare.

And this type of game is very annoying because you keep your partner working well, and you refuse to communicate with them, for fear that they will not like the "real" one.

But because they can’t reach the “real” you, no real glue holds them there, and they close to leave anyway.

Dating
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