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Hello I'm: Probably Anxious

by Joy 6 months ago in Secrets

* me anxiously trying to think of a good title*

Hello I'm: Probably Anxious
Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash

I'm 22 and I just got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. You might be thinking- "what's the big deal? everyone has anxiety". That's true. However, I'd like to think that I experience it more than most people and here's a few examples.

When I was taking a community college course over the summer, I had a teacher who wasn't the kindest, in my opinion. Given that I'm a different ethnicity, I sometimes get treated differently. The teacher already didn't like me. One day, he asked me a question in class and when I said that I didn't know- he kept on repeatedly harassing me about coming up with an answer. At this point, he was yelling at me in front of my whole class. I'm a sensitive person- so I was crying and my whole body was shaking.I came up with an answer, but after that I dismissed myself to go to the bathroom- crying for 15 minutes. In a room full of 20 people, no one stood up for me.

On the first day of school every year- we'd say introductions (name, major, etc.). everyone disliked this because it's how it always started haha. before my turn, I always rehearse what I'm going to say in my head, thinking if I messed up people might think that i'm not smart or not good at speaking in front of people.

When I was 20 years old, I had gotten my first car- from my sister in law. She was looking to sell her car, so I bought it because I needed a car to get to jobs/internships. One day, I came home from going to the bank and starbucks. I drove across the tracks in the middle of my small town and a car sped out in front of me while I was on the tracks. I ended up colliding with them- my car was smashed. Even though the accident wasn't my fault because I had the right of way, it felt like I was in a movie. You know- those scenes where you hear the car smash and it almost seems like it's unreal- that sound. Luckily- the police station was nearby and able to help and clear the intersection.The paramedics came over and I remember him asking "what is your name, how old are you,what happened"? But all i could ask for the first 3 minutes of talking is "are my parents going to be mad? i just got this car?" He assured me that they just wanted me to be safe.

Now these are just 3 different scenarios that I've gone through personally. Anxiety doesn't discriminate- on who it affects and to what extent. My anxiety can look different than someone else's anxiety. What matters is that you know that you're not alone.

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Joy

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