Good People

They both consider themselves good people. Emotionally intelligent. Moving through life with intention, making sensible choices. Kind, generous, empathetic. So how do they reconcile this indiscretion? She’s married. He’s not. But there’s a third person who is an unwitting party who stands to lose the most. What of the empathy for him? Where is it?

Perhaps it’s overshadowed by lust. The palpable excitement of something new, something thick with pheromones and pleasure and possibility that gives way to rationalization. A lot of rationalization. The unwitting is a good guy, after all. He has his flaws, but he doesn’t deserve this.

A “good” person would make sure that the licensed and legally recognized relationship has ended even before that first tentative and tender kiss with the new interest. In reality, an impetuous, heart-fluttering confession leads, within minutes, to two bodies coupling like magnets, pressed together ventrally so intensely that their souls are temporarily fused. Like a train that cannot be stopped, their passion for each other leads to acts that can’t be undone. Intoxicated, they marvel at this connection. Is it cosmic? Has the universe finally answered their secret prayers? Indeed, she convinces herself that she manifested it.

Regardless of how it came to be, the situation is complicated, tenuous, unclear. A delicious secret that makes the heart ache so, it ignites a desire to shout it out, show it off, share with the world. But they can’t.

And how long will it last?

Therein lies the bittersweet awareness of impermanence. “Mono no aware” it goes in Japanese. (She learned that from him.)

This union could last. It could grow and twist and morph into something solid, like a tree root bursting in slow motion into stability...the unwitting gently but firmly pushed aside. But chances are that it will not survive. It will likely end in heartbreak, for one or both. A tumultuous ocean of pain that seems to roil for an eternity. But slowly, eventually, the dark water will subside, and the fracture will heal and scar over, perhaps creating a sturdy foundation on which a new kind of relationship can be sculpted. Friends? Collaborators? Occasional confidantes? Whatever it is, one thing is certain: the connection between these two will always run deep. And the accompanying feeling will be of mutual respect and admiration. One hopes anyway.

And what of the unwitting? Sadly, it’s too late for him. He’ll grasp and deny and question. He’ll work harder than he’s ever worked to keep her. But she’s made up her mind to move on. There’s a saying about a flower finding it too painful to remain tight in the bud. She must bloom into what she was meant to be—even if alone.

So please forgive them, these two who consider themselves good. Because they are learning and growing. And as cruelly forced as he is, so is the unwitting. All three will pass through this cosmic funnel of ecstasy and grief and come out changed for the better.

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I have no explanation as to why I’m awake at this time! A dream pulled me awake. How strange…

Was it a good dream?

As a matter of fact, it was. I highly suspect it was influenced by yesterday afternoon’s chat on the couch. 

I’d love to hear about it. 

Well, we weren't doing much talking. We were sitting there looking at one another. We inched closer to each other, much like we actually did. And then the room slowly dissipated and became a woodsy forest area. And I laid you back, like I did just before you had to leave. And, much to our thrilling pleasure, you didn't have to leave anymore. So, there was no reason to stop our wordless conversation...