Fuck Goals

I hate it all.

I hate setting up goals at the moment.

I hate constantly chasing for money and doing jobs I don't want to do for the sole sake of getting money.

I hate that I feel like I can't book a plane ticket to korea right at this moment and just buy an airbnb to live in for a couple months to just ponder about life. Because I can. I can do that.

It's all of these life games that convince me I can't-

Life games that say you can't just quit your job? Because I want to. I want to fuck around so much and make money off of that instead. I want to make a following and make money off that

But I also don't? Managing a business sucks when you are starting it up. Working a job sucks when it's just for monetary gain. I don't want to necessarily be famous and bombarded- but also would enjoy the attention.

My other coworker who is an Associate is better at this job then me, and my other coworker who made me feel better about myself was let go.

Part of me wishes that I could be fired so I could find a new job career without having to quit- but I need to make my life choices instead of always waiting for them to happen to me.

Maybe it would be fun to be a wedding planner? I don't know. A corporate planner? Just something within the planning scape?

My 20s are supposed to be a time of discovery, change, and growth! I feel complacent and stuck at the moment and I hate it because I believe that I create that environment for myself! I hate that. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Life should be fun. It shouldn't be like this, right? Or does it really just seem to suck 70% of the time?

I get bored quick and want to move fast. I wish I could just get things started off the ground and have others continue them. I hate putting in work sometimes for things I simply give 0 shits for.

How will you feel at age 30 Dom? At Age 40? Is my #1 regret going to be not quitting sooner? Not taking risks sooner? Not trying sooner?

I have no romantic life. I can't even figure out my own life- do we have something to figure out? It's constantly unraveling isn't it- constantly changing. I don't know!

Suffering:

My jobs are suffering as a recruiter because my passion isn't there and I am starting to not care. This happens to almost all jobs I have ever received, I wish it was constant changes just like when I was in University. I hate sticking to one thing! Especially for more than 6 months.

I originally planned to be roommates with Sandy but fuck it maybe I need to try my hand at being an event planner. If I hate that, I can switch back into recruiting. We shall see.

New Goals- the irony right?

To start applying for more event planner/ hosting jobs. I need to not give a fuck that it is on-site. It would make me happier.

I just want to get my stocks debt done and over with so I can just start saving cushion money to make a leap. I'm over it and want more!!!

Thank you God for placing new strangers in my life that seem genuine and for closing that Chapter with Missouri, I needed that to be done forever- and I think it finally has gotten there. We both needed to move on to close that chapter.

I need to close that chapter with SF guy as well. I like him- but I want someone who will actually plan dates for us. He just wants to meet at his place all the time and I have to be the one to commute each time as well and I wish that I didn't need to put that effort.

But I like cuddles and having someone on the backhand when I am feeling horny. Ugh. The struggles. I'm just as bad as my friends who stick with bad relationships to simply not be alone and out of convenience.

Is that what relationships have come to now? Just something we create out of convenience?

I answered my own question- yes. It wasn't convenient to move out with Missouri and thats why I ended it. Same with Sebastian from Mexico.

I'm starting to see why people stay single for so long- and it's because compromising sucks and you have to be unselfish to be in a relationship. And most of us can't seem to want and desire to do that to ourselves.

Maybe my perspective will change in a couple years. But for my last month of being 22, this is how I feel. I hope new changes come your way soon, me.