From Popularity to Last Single Standing

I was born popular. I came out of the womb with not just any posse of girls, we were intelligent, attractive, and loyal…what’s better than that?

Nothing!

From kindergarten til we all graduated high school (with OAC’s, equivalent of grade 13). We all went to college & graduated. Nurse, Massage Therapist, Graphic Designer, and 2 Teachers! We all found work in our field and in less than 6 years, we mostly all had significant others, lived in our first houses, we all made money, we all lived within an hour or two apart in Southern Ontario.

I was engaged first. Therefore voted first to be a mom, first to accomplish each life event, because up until that point, I was doing just that!

I thought I had to follow this path. A path already made for myself, as well as my army of woman whom all grew up together. That scared me. I started to withdraw from social gatherings, after years and years of this bubbly girl. It wasn’t just the path that scared me. The scariest of all? I wasn’t in love with my fiancé. After being together for almost a decade and our wedding fast approaching. What do I do?

My fiancé and I fought daily all of a sudden. Some nights I would think “just get married and do what’s expected “ and then other nights, “I’m so miserable, this can’t be my life, but if I tell anyone, it’s gonna erupt like a volcano!”

Here’s tips, that you shouldn’t get married;

1) If you have to be sedated to try on a wedding dress.

2) Totally empathize with Carrie Bradshaw when she wouldn’t wear Aiden’s ring.

3) Do all wedding planning at night. Don’t let anyone help pick out simple items.

4) You start thinking it would be easier if your fiancée got in a car accident rather than have to tell him you want to call off the wedding.

My family eventually could tell by the look on my face and helped me call everything off. They helped me pack up, then, they helped me move back to the hometown I once was Marsha Burton.

That was when I was 30.

I’m now 40. Every single friend, cousin, old neighbour, etc is married, with kids. Not me. I have my place, supporting myself doing visual art classes (my passion). I have 2 dogs I love more than anything. But I don’t fit in with ANYONE!

The main reason I don’t fit in? I’m genuinely happy. I’ve decided to stop dating, as it just wasn’t filling any void. I felt better when I started putting myself first!

Do I wish I was married with kids? Hell no! Only because I maybe know 3 couples that are truly happily married. The cheating, the secrets, the toll that life takes on a couple, believe me, I understand!

Will I ever get married? Yet to be determined. More importantly, I’m 100% happy with myself as a person and my drama-free life. So time will tell.

Time will tell that I, hopefully, was the smart one, not the outsider, all along.

In fact, the most beautiful retirement days to me, would be similar to the TVs show Golden Girls. There would be a little bickering obviously, I mean being surrounded by women all day that’s unavoidable. But I get a little giddy feeling inside planning this! Myself, as well as 4 close friends of my choosing. Each deciding to stay in our pjs all day, or hell, all week. Or get all dolled up and hit on some dapper silver fox at the mall! All sharing a beach house in Miami Beach! Or Tampa Bay, Florida! I’ve heard great things of both! I have already come to terms with my own death…now don’t think morbid thought! I just have nothing left to be afraid of. That’s so comforting! The majority of friends and family can’t talk about it. I have a list of songs to be played during my celebration of life! Death and life go hand in hand. The better u understand this and really come to terms, the more peaceful you will find your remaining life.

I currently have that amazing feeling of butterflies in my stomach! That’s definite unnecessary proof that I’m seriously happy!

So, although I thought I’d be married with 2 children by this age. I’m so incredibly and sublimely happy I took the courage and strength I had left, and decided to put myself first and live life making choices for myself only. No worrying about missed texts, fights, drama, miscommunication, mistrust, mistreatment, etc.

But don’t hate me because, I’m happy for those small percentage of friends and family who claim to be happy, just like I am. Even tho I know that none of them are. But that is not my fault. I had a wonderful family and a baby brother who were really perseptive and read how much I hated my life, all over my face! So I changed it. Now I’m eternally grateful for being able to live free, live for myself first, and make each day, a better day, than yesterday!