Fighting Depression

Something happened to me this year I’ve been in so much pain that I felt I was going to die. I’ve cried,I’ve journaled, I’ve felt the pain and wished for it to go away but it stayed and as days passed, it became even more painful. My chest hurt so badly, I couldn’t function properly, I’ve lost interest in things I love, Night became my worst moment. The moment I hit the bed it consumes me. I will lay up all night struggling to sleep and it eventually won’t come. My heart became so heavy that I remembered God.( I have a conflicted relationship with God it’s actually difficult to explain) I’ve gone on my knee to beg God to take away this pain. Most times, my heart gets too heavy and breaks me down. I’ve stayed on my knees trying to explain to God but no word was spoken( I couldn’t find my voice so all I do is cry) The most painful part is I still find a way to smile around people ad act like I’m okay. I’ve gone to church on a Sunday and stayed from 1st to 4th service. I’ve stood up and gone to mid day service😂😂😂 (so unbelievable) All what was in my heart was God please take this pain away I’ve questioned you too much, I’ve been angry at you for things that happen. If you don’t take this pain off my chest I’ll die.

At this point, it was beginning to feel like madness. Have you been in so much pain yet you can’t speak to anybody about it Cus nobody truly understands you. This is exactly my condition. My chest clogged and heavy. Most times I get angry with myself for letting it pain me this much but I don’t have control over this. Sometime I take a deep breathe and cloud my mind with the happiest things that have happened to me and try to live in these good memories but it only lasts for a short while. A lot of people say Knowing God makes everything easy but nobody I know has served God more than my mum and it feels like God is letting her go through the worst moment and it gets worse each day that passes. I never knew what 2023 had for me and it keeps getting worse each day that passes by. Still believing in exodus 14:14 . Pollyanna-ish as it may sound, thinking good thoughts has helped me feel good. Your thoughts truly do have a direct bearing on your mood. If you're struggling with negativity, consider seeing a therapist because it has been helping me.

One of the most popular and effective treatments used in the treatment of depression is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This form of psychotherapy focuses on identifying negative thinking patterns and then replacing them with more positive ones. There are different ways that you can practice some of these ideas on your own.

Learn to Recognize Negative ThinkingSometimes these thoughts can be obvious, such as times when you berate or criticize yourself. Other times, they can be more subtle. You might find yourself engaging in things like catastrophizing or all-or-nothing thinking.Catastrophizing involves always anticipating negative outcomes. All-or-nothing thinking means that you think of things as either successes or failures with no in-between. Once you get better at recognizing these cognitive patterns, you can start working on some healthier replacements.It hurts even more when you can’t share with anybody Cus I’ve come to the conclusion that we all hv our own battles and shouldn’t be bothered with another person’s problem. The pain is still here but I’m gradually getting better and I’ve learnt to speak to God in a different type of way and I believe someday, somehow I will be happy again.