You had to see this, you just had to. So, now that you're here, listen to this advice carefully:
Stop saying, ‘It’s okay, things will get better,’ after yet another argument.
Stop telling yourself that everything will be fine after yet another sleepless night where you have both gone to bed angry with each other. After one more day of wondering why your relationship keeps messing up, and why you’re not as happy as you thought you would be, and why love isn’t the warm, tender miracle that you imagined it was. To begin with – love isn’t a miracle but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be sunny, silky and soft. Because all those dreams that you had for yourself – exist. The love that you’ve hoped for will find its way to you. With the same magic in the air, the same chest-throbbing hugs, and the flutter in your stomach when you see them for the first time, with the same gradual changes where you go from chest flutters to a steady peace inside your soul when they are around.
It all exists – but because you’re so caught up in a relationship that doesn’t serve you, you fail to see it.
Stop telling yourself that this is how relationships are every time you have a fight. Every time they hurt you or you hurt them. Every time that you go over the possibility of leaving them. Every time you stress or fret or get upset because you’re frustrated at why your relationship isn’t how you had envisioned. Your relationship should be what you want, especially since you put the hard work and care into it. And if it isn’t, if you constantly find yourself pondering over other possibilities, if you’re anxious, if you don’t feel at home, if there are more bad days than good – then this relationship isn’t for you.
Love is healthy and relationships aren’t toxic or bad for you.
With the right person – love is truly an adventure and a relationship has the potential to be one of the best things that could happen to you. With the right person, you don’t go to bed upset with each other, and even if you do, it’s not to the point that it has a negative impact on your mental and emotional health. With the right person, you don’t fight to a point that it becomes unhealthy. Yes, you argue. Yes, you have problems and disagreements. Yes, there will be differences – but that is how healthy relationships work. It’s not always rainbows and sunshine, but it doesn’t mess with your mind to such an extent that you can’t think straight anymore.
With the right person, your goals look achievable, your value increases and the future looks beautiful and bright. With the right person, there’s an abundance in your life and the air feels tender and warm.
Relationships aren’t easy and that’s the truth. They require dedication. Commitment. Sacrifice. They require making changes to your life. They require an understanding and loyalty and, sometimes, discomfort. But you take the best adventures in life when you step out of your comfort zone. This doesn’t mean that relationships are toxic. It doesn’t mean that the discomfort is permanent or unhealthy. It doesn’t mean that just because you have to work hard in your relationship, that you can’t be happy.
Because that’s not true. The right love will be a combination of excitement, peace and challenges. It will be like a dream. The kind where you see yourself achieving and conquering, but with the knowledge of how much it will demand of you. The dream where you will have to invest a lot of time, energy and dedication but will bear the fruit of your hard work eventually. And that’s how you should view relationships.
Stop telling yourself that what you’re experiencing right now is what love is when deep down your heart tells you otherwise.
Love isn’t toxic. Love isn’t unhealthy. Love isn’t having to reassure yourself that you love them even though they cause you pain again and again. Love isn’t any of those things. And once you recognise this truth – you will move away from all those feelings that are bad for you and move towards what’s good. Only then will you let in what’s truly meant for you.
Only then will you embrace a love that is truly deserving of both of you.
About the Creator
Ruby Dhal is a speaker, performer and author of 5 books of poetry, prose and bite-sized self-help. With a social media following of over half a million and millions of impressions on Instagram, Ruby has access to readers everywhere.
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.