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Emotionally Unavailable

by Jessica Gill about a month ago in Dating
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Written By Jessica L. Gill

Imagine meeting someone. You two hit it off. You have a lot in common. You have endless conversations. You have amazing physical chemistry. Everything appears to be going well. You find yourself thinking about that person everyday. You want to be around them as often as you can so that you can cement that connection.

Problem is...they grow distant. They stop returning your text messages. They ignore your phone calls. You rack your brain trying to understand what might have happened. You convince yourself that you aren’t going to be that person. You weren’t going to give in to your insecurities. You tell yourself that they are busy or they are working or that they will eventually get back to you. Only…they don’t.

Frustrated, you realize that you have been ghosted. No closure. No answers. It shakes your sense of self. You find yourself going over every single detail in your mind. Was it something you said? Was it something you did? Did you go too fast? Were you too open or is it possible that you weren't open enough?

I’m just going to stop you on your downward spiral. It wasn’t you. It’s them.

Ultimately, they decided that they were no longer interested or they felt overwhelmed or they just weren’t ready for anything serious and rather than be an adult and say something, they find it far easier to just cut you out of their life and move on. They gather that eventually you will get over it and trust me, eventually you do.

So, what happened?

These days, there are a lot of broken people walking around. They wear a mask of indifference. They want a relationship but when faced with the prospect of an actual commitment?!? They tuck tail and run.


Like many broken people, they have put up walls to help aid them in the healing process and the idea of letting someone in who has the potential to hurt them is terrifying! I know because I have been one of those people.

After my last major relationship came to an end, I was excited to get back out there again. But! Then I met men who were serious about commitment and although they offered me everything I wanted, I freaked out! I backed up and took off in another direction. Why? Because I hadn’t fully unpacked the emotional baggage that came from major heartbreak. It would take nearly a year for me to sit and finally process all of the emotions that came with ending my previous relationship.

I sat and allowed myself to feel everything. Initially, there was anger and frustration. There was festering resentment. It hurt. I was disappointed. I felt betrayed. But then, I would miss his face. I ached for his laugh. I longed for the way he had held me when I was sad. I genuinely missed our connection. Until one day, I came to the agonizing conclusion that one day he was going to move on and spend his life devoted to loving someone else. It was a painful truth but it was necessary to accept this reality so that I could open back up and move on.

It isn’t an easy thing to do. It was a roller-coaster of ups and downs. One day, you will feel like you are on top of it and the next day, your emotions cripple your sense of self and you find yourself having to find the strength to get back up again.

Each small tear or each big break, does heal over time and despite us catching feelings for someone - it doesn't mean that they are receptive to it. Some aren't ready because they are emotionally available and then, there are the lone wolves.

But that's an entirely different post. Be sure to subscribe and follow for more. More content coming soon!


About the author

Jessica Gill

Writer who recently moved to Groton, Connecticut from San Diego, California. I love writing about a wide-variety of topic but I especially enjoy writing scary short-stories, creative non-fiction and poetry.

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