Don’t Go Back To Your Ex

Don’t go back to your ex. Especially when they come crawling back to you after the fight. No matter how long it was since you’ve talked last. No matter how much they say they’ve changed, they are always going to be the same person they were when you split.

They’ll text you after the fight. Might be a few days or even weeks. They’ll say that they missed you and they want to try again. They’d say they are different and that things will be different. They always say that. They assume that you are as lonely and desperate as they are. They might be right about lonely, but you wouldn’t go so far as to say that you were desperate.

You decide you don’t want to go down the rabbit hole, but you’re too nice to just block them. You agree on the condition that you’ll be friends, but you can’t promise anything more. They agree. It’s like you’re starting all over again. Meeting for the second time, only this time it’s like you’ve chosen the red pill to live your life again, but retain all your memories.

When you escaped the last time, you said that it was a nightmare, and you continue to hold onto that truth to this very day. You don’t understand why your ex didn’t feel the same. Maybe it was because you wanted another person or maybe it was because you had mentally broken up with him before the actual breakup happened at all. You knew from the beginning that your emotional needs weren’t being met, and you know that that is the case right now, but the lonlieness is temporarily going away and you get attached so much faster than you’d like to admit.

It’s only been a few days and you crave the attention they give you. You check your texts regularly for their message, ignoring the pang in your chest when you don’t see their response. Any text you send to them starts to feel like they are forced to reply, but weren’t they the one to come back to you? Surely you haven’t changed too much in the months you’ve been separated that they hated you already.

Or maybe your new attitude and outlook on life is not want they wanted. Maybe they wanted their submissive back. The person who did what they wanted, when they wanted, no questions asked. They want the person who will pay for everything and give you nothing. They want the dynamic that brought you together in the first place. It’s ironic considering the fact that they are using the “I’ve changed“ card as an excuse to get back together, but they didn’t want you to change at all.

Your heart isn’t going to care about all of this, but it should. This person is not the same. This person is an abomination and you deserve better than being treated like garbage. You’ve always deserved better. No matter how good the attention feels, you can get it from somewhere else. From someone else who is better looking and less toxic than the ex who broke up with you over nine months ago.

When the option comes up, you should shut it down. Put your sensitive feelings aside for a split second and listen to the logical part of your brain about the two week long adventure that your ex has put you through. You know the facts, so the hard part now is to lay them out in front of you both. Bring your feelings to the surface so both of you know what you are feeling. If he isn’t going to share his feelings, you surely will considering that this is the last thing you need and want in your life. Set your boundaries and stop trying to please people who aren’t going to do the same for you.

You have to put out the fire before it destroys everything around you. You don’t want it to consume your life like it did last time. You don’t want a repeat of when you almost lost your job and your friends for some boy who you were never even sure about in the first place. You don’t want to burn the bridges you’ve built. You became a better, stronger person after him. You don’t want to go back to the shy person you used to be. Not after all the progress you’ve made. Not when you still have so much to work on. He will do nothing but prevent you from becoming your best self by burning away every flourishing and beautiful part of you.

The confrontation stings inside your heart for as long as you dwell on it. You start to think of the things that you should say or what you should have left out, but you can’t bring yourself to do anything about it now. The bed was made, now you would have to lie in it. The funny thing is, is that you did nothing wrong. So, why did you feel so guilty about it? Why were you listening to Taylor Swift’s breakup songs, trying to make yourself feel powerful and confident about your choice? Shutting down the ex you never had any intention of getting back together with wasn’t like losing a six figure wage or your dream job. There would be more people who came along to take his place, but do it even better than he did.

When your ex texts you, you might find out that person who you thought was mildly attractive was much better as a person than you originally thought. You find out that they give good advice about this situation and agree with you on a handful of other unrelated points, which might make them a good candidate for your heart in the long run. Though right now, you should wait until the coast was clear from relationship drama from the past, but that will be a story for another day.

That new person will hold potential. It would either become another lesson or a true love opportunity. Now, I know that sounds like a cheesy, predicable tarot card reader, but when you squint your eyes and look down at the situation, that’s all it would be. You’re still young, so you can afford to have a few life lessons here and there before you really had any reason to worry about dying alone.

Don’t go back to your ex. It will be the same rodeo as last time. It isn’t worth it when you have could have someone else knocking down the walls of your heart.