DO I HAVE TO KEEP YEARNING FOR HIS LOVE?

I guess you could call our love a weird one. First off, I wonder most of the time why my boyfriend fell in love with me. We met at my worst times, I felt that was the ugliest seasons of my life. I had just cut my hair and going through a phase in my education. On the day we met, I had just finished an exam and walking up to the student's lodging when he pulled up close to me and asked to give me a ride and the rest is history. We've been together close to two years now and it always seems like something is off. If we don't argue about how unloved I feel in the relationship then we would argue about how I always make issues out of everything. I remembered one time I eavesdropped on his conversation, and I heard him tell his closest friend that he is so in love with his girlfriend but they always seem to have issues understanding themselves, but then how am I supposed to know this when he barely expresses how he feels. Not with words, not with gifts. It feels so exhausting.

I can't help but compare myself with others in relationships, my close friends I mean. I've seen them go on dates with the ones they love, I open their gifts from their loved ones with them but not once have they seen me experience these things. When I try to make him see these things, the only thing I get is "I hate it when i'm compared to other people". He barely gets my point. We've broken up few times and it's either i go begging or he comes begging. My best friend jokingly said that we may end up getting married. I called it a joke because i don't want to end up getting married to someone i will end up fighting with for the rest of my life.

With all these things going on I've come to realize one thing. "PERSONALITY DIFFERENCE". I've heard him say that he is naturally a nonchalant person and he took it as far as his relationship, at the same time, I am a lover girl and fantasize so much about the lovey-dovey relationships and then i'm not getting it in my relationship with the man I am so in love with. With these differences, I feel fighting every time in our relationship is inevitable because in one way or the other one person always gets hurt. When you hear "love is not always enough", it applies to this scenario because we have only been able to come this far because of the love we have for each other or the love we feel we have for each other.

It brings me to this, will I continue this way, always fighting to feel loved by the one I love or do I just walk away?. The problem is that I have walked away severally and still didn't find anyone out there for me. Have I just gotten used to my life and situation with my boyfriend that I don't see a life outside what we have, or I'm I scared to start over with someone new. Recently, I decided to give him space both for my sake and for his because I keep feeling I am the reason we keep having these issues. I mean is it that difficult to understand that your boyfriend loves you but is just bad at expressing himself? Am i supposed to let it slide for us to have peace?. In my hearts of heart I keep feeling that he is the one for me but in more times than I can count it doesn't feel that way.

MMMMMM