Do Adjectives Control Your Life?

We have all heard the saying "Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend or loved one."

Self-esteem starts from within. We can only begin to love ourselves when we use the right verbiage to love ourselves.

I always remind myself how

beautiful I am

smart I am

strong I am

caring I can be

And that I am always striving to better my life choices.

I try to avoid making the same mistakes twice- and have learned to be okay with not wanting to pursue old destructive habits I had anymore.

An example of this:

I had went on 2 first dates this month.

The first date I went on was with a man who worked as an Engineer and was a Cancer sign. I did not have a amazing time with him and he would ask me questions if I was okay with him touching me and telling me how beautiful I was- I wasn't feeling it. I would try to avoid eye contact when he looked at me and would purposefully try to create a wider gap between us when he would try to close it. I did not want him to touch me at all. We felt awkward just giving a goodbye hug. I didn't do anything with him physically, but made the most out of our night by at least being able to go to a fun comedy club, eat sushi, and try VR for the first time.

The second date I went on, I have no idea what sign he was but it has to be fire or air. He gives me Leo vibes honestly, but who knows. I was immediately comfortable around him and welcomed any touch he would give me. I could look at his eyes the whole time and was leaning in during the conversations. I loved his personality and the way he would talk would excite me. The fact that this man had no problems dancing crazily on the dance floor with so many people around made me laugh so much. He was just such an enchanting man- the way he could make me laugh with almost anything he said was something I haven't done on a date in a while. We felt much more compatible then any of the other men I had gone on dates with this year- we discussed things like how many kids we want to have, our faith, and family home dynamics. And I had to say, based off of the first date, we did seem like a good match.

It helped that this man had a car- that was the problem with Fred and I.

I liked him but it was inconvenient to see him. And that stopped us from hanging out.

I'm lost my original point with this story honestly- I just am impressed and amazed at how great it felt to be around 2nd date guy.

The man that I dated before him would never be able to do any of that. Missouri would not have been able to dance silly on the dance floor with me, he would not have made me laugh that hard, and he would not ever want children or desire a family in the way that I do.

I thought it was because his childhood was rough, but 2nd Date man also has a divorced family. He still desires love and children- given this man is 30 and has 5 years over my ex. But still. I don't think Missouri would have ever has the same amount of charisma, charm, and confidence this man portrayed on our first date. And I just found it so attractive.

I wanted a bold man. I had been wanting it for a while. One that was confident in himself already but would like a partner to aid him on the journey. I wanted a man that wouldn't jump into sex and immediately invite me over to his place. Fred literally just wanted to have sex with me. And it's one thing if it was enjoyable, but if I am not looking forward to it- is that not a red flag?

I like that I don't have to rush things with my 2nd date man. We are waiting a week to see each other-which worked out perfectly for me because I was busy cat-sitting, babysitting, and taking a dance class this week any ways. We have a date planned for Sunday for Ice Skating (Let it be known that I hate the cold and am terrified of skating or any snow sports) so you know I really like him to even tell him that we can go. He still texts me throughout the week to check in and remind me that he is excited to see me. And I really appreciate it! It really feels like 7 days are a years length away and so many little things happen in between.

My original point was there was a time where my 1st date guy wanted to go on a second date with me- and this was after seeing my 2nd date guy. I was thinking that old toxic me would say fuck it and go- not fully taking in the consequences or into consideration that it is nice to see one man at a time, and is honestly better for my own well-being, when I do genuinely really like them. And it wouldn't be fair to drag it out with the 1st man when I know it isn't going to go anywhere even if they are hoping it will, despite my boredom and constant need to be doing something-I would prefer it not be with a man I give 0 cares for. And that is on personal growth BABY!