Dear Montana

Dear Montana,

I didn't come to Nevada under the circumstances I had originally expected. The initial plan was to move down here with a man I had met and dated in Great Falls for over a year. I knew I would eventually wander outside of your boundaries, but it was he who initiated this move to Reno.

This changed suddenly and unexpectedly in June when we traveled to Reno to look for houses and discovered that living together would not be the best way to move forward. But that is a completely different story (you can find the link at the bottom of this page.) I had already resigned in Great Falls and found an amazing opportunity on the Pyramid Lake Reservation just east of Reno. I decided I would continue with my plans to move to Nevada, but how? I had never done a big move or even lived on my own for my entire life.

Fortunately, for me, my mother has a cousin who just happens to live in Reno. Though I had never met this woman before, she opened her arms and her home to me and made my transition to Nevada a smooth and comforting change despite all the anxieties I was experiencing as I uprooted the only life I ever knew.

However, it is hard to meet new people! When I first started getting settled into my new apartment, I resorted to my old standard of meeting new people -- dating apps. Within hours of being back on Bumble, I had two offers to meet for coffee. Though I did not accept the immediate requests to meet, I did begin conversations that would lead to meeting up in the future.

Let me tell you what a disaster this turned out to be. One of the guys I decided to meet was successful and educated. He had the equivalent of two PhDs and I do find myself very attracted to the intellectual types. I was excited to meet him and our first date was a walk along the river. It went very well and I felt a connection and a spark, but our date was cut short because I had promised my ex-boyfriend (yep, we are still friends) that I would pick him up after he dropped his truck off of the auto shop.

The second date did not go well. After the first date, I started to suspect that this man was only looking for a hook-up, but I ignored this intuition from the point of view of loneliness. He asked me to come to Carson City a few times before this night and I had declined, but this time I accepted to see if the minor spark I felt on the first date would ignite. He asked if I wanted to watch a movie at his place, but I told him I would rather meet somewhere for dinner. He is a very cultured, well-traveled man who has lived in the area for a few years so I let him choose the place. I had let him know my desire to try authentic ethnic foods and he recommended an Indonesian restaurant. Perfect, I thought to myself, I will get to try something new while exploring this connection a little further.

Not perfect! I get to the restaurant and it is a casino, with people smoking and gambling inside. To escape the atmosphere, he proposed we find a place outside to eat. His suggestion -- his backyard. One of my biggest character flaws is that I have a hard time telling people no, so I say yes and I start to follow him to his house in a very ritzy part of Carson City. He opens the gate to the estate he lives in and we pull inside. Instead of going into the main house, I follow him up the starts to a studio apartment above the garage. This date just got sketchier. Side note: I did Google him, and his story does check out. He is an Orthodontist in Carson City and there is a record of the schools and cities he mentioned attending and living in. However, the hook-up gut feeling is much stronger now and I'm a little scared that he will not let me leave without getting what he wants.

He asks where I want to eat and I choose to eat around the firepit in the backyard. I ask questions while we eat to try to get to know him better. He offers superficial answers which only weakens my connection to him. After dinner, we sit by the fire pit (no fire was lit - physically or metaphorically) and he leans in for the kiss. By now I know this is not what I want. I claim the traditional stand-by headache as an excuse to leave. He starts to try to persuade me to stay by claiming I cannot leave him hanging, and I firmly let him know that it is very appropriate for me to leave him hanging - it's only the second date. I couldn't get to my car fast enough as he continued to try to convince me to stay to no avail. I am not sure how this dating strategy has worked for other women he has dated, but it certainly didn't work for me. As I drove out of his gates and headed back to Reno, I knew I needed to find another way to find my new crowd.

However, Bumble was not all bad. The other guy I decided to meet turned out to be a very positive connection. He is funny, kind, interesting, and intelligent. Our conversations flow effortlessly and he is easy to be with. It's perfect, except that I discovered I am not ready to explore a new romantic relationship. My heart is still in recovery from a very emotional summer that has left me feeling numb and apathetic towards romance.

So, Montana, I am going to try something new. I am going to join clubs and groups around my interests and just enjoy getting to know people who enjoy the same things I do. I will be ready to date again someday, but for now, I am just going to remind myself about how much I really do enjoy my own company.

I am going to sign off for now. I need to go meet up with a local creative writing group. I will write again soon.

Your daughter,

Marci

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Break Up Story:

Original Dear Montana Letter: