Confessions logo

Dating Diary of a 40 Something Year Old

There are apparently new rules, acronyms, and other stupid things you will want to know before saying "yes" to the first date!

By Crystal RaePublished 2 years ago 7 min read
Top Story - November 2021
43
Dating Diary of a 40 Something Year Old
Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

It was a beautiful fall afternoon when my daughter picked me up to grab a cup of coffee and rant all about our current boy topics. I had just "kicked out" my latest greatest unhappily ever after, so I was feeling a little on the snarky side. I shared my questions regarding the life I was providing him and confusion as to why he never wanted to spend time with me. Well, outside of the "brown chicken, brown cow"... wanting sex from me. Even that had become almost a never and when it did, it was becoming more of a chore than something that was fun or special. My daughter laughed at me and said, "he is a hobosexual Mom"!

He is a freaking what???

Does this mean he likes to have sex with homeless people? I began to feel gross in an instant. Did I need to get tested? What the heck kind of person was I living with?

Well, turns out there is this new trend where people have sex with other people for the sole purpose of having a place to live. No interest in a long-term relationship or having anything real. Just a place with a roof, a hot shower, food to eat, and someone gullible enough to pamper them while they were taking advantage of a situation.

Well, isn't that a special kind of WTF!

Is there a committee or group of people that make suggestions on how to take advantage of other people? All under the pretense of making some unlucky person think they had found true love. What a horrible thing and yet, it is very real! If I hadn't reached the point of knowing I needed more of a man than what he was providing... this thing might still be going on and making me insane!

Check hobosexual off my "ta done" list. Not that is what is on my to-do list to begin with but I felt it was something worthy of noting I had gone through and was no longer. This also meant I would have certain requirements for any future potential partners. They must have their own vehicle, a place to live, and a job. Seems pretty basic, don't you think?

After this mind blowing revalation I decided to get serious about the steps I was taking to meet a best friend and forever partner. I signed up for the latest and greatest new dating app. Not something I was really ecstatic about but being a hardcore homebody didn't leave me many options to meet anyone.

The dating app did lead to a promising first date with a finically secure, single dad... who had several vehicles, owned his own home, and worked for a reputable company for many years. Ding, ding, ding... we may have a winner! It was a no-brainer to agree to meet in person and see if he could hold a conversation or if there was any initial chemistry. I am not getting any younger and I am not a fan of the idea of owning a bunch of cats. I am much more of a dog person.

From the moment he picked me up, I felt at ease. I am typically an anxious person in the first few hours. So feeling calm and comfortable was a great sign, I think! After learning how I loved the night sky so much. He made arrangements for us to go hot tubbing outdoors. Getting to see him in nothing but a suit was not bad for my eyes either. So from the start, everything was going better than I could have imagined. Words flowed back and forth from our mouths and didn't miss a beat. He was knowledgeable, had drive, passion, and goals that blew my mind. The more I got to know him, the more I couldn't wait to learn more. He also was a gentleman... no lines were crossed on the first night!

Being an attractive woman, it's usually something I have to get very blunt regarding. Men hear me say, "I am not that type of woman" and then attempt to push the limits after a few drinks. Such a buzz kill and turn off for me.

I couldn't wait to meet with him again. Everything was going beyond great! If there was ever a person molded to be the perfect fit for me... it was him! The next date we once again went night swimming in his heated pool and the chemistry was unmistakable between him and me. The intensity of desire that poured from his fingertips and the passion within the kisses, lead us both to a night that was beyond words... on fire! I don't think I stopped smiling for one minute the next day. Wow! That is all I am going to say!

I couldn't wait for the next chance we could meet. The next time we did, there was no swimming outdoors or deep conversation. It was straight to the bedroom. There was no way I was going to resist or even argue. It was such a feel-good time! This is how it continued for the next few weeks. No dinners, coffee, or public outings. It was always straight to the bedroom. Before I could begin to question what I was or where the relationship (if i could call it that) was going... the requests to see me in person, responses to my text messages and interest in me lessened. Then everything just stopped. Silence.

What did I miss?

Once again, I looked to my daughter for advice. How could everything be so dang perfect and then "poof" gone in an instant? She again laughed at me. "It is called ghosting, mom! You gave him what he wanted, and now he's off to the next flavor of the month".

WHAT???

I truly thought we had something. It felt real, and amazing on every level. Until... it became all about the sexual and nothing more. Ugh!!! So back to the drawing board and to once again activate my dating app profile. I can't believe I was just being used for sex! Are there any real, honest men left out there? So let's now add not giving in to temptation so quickly to my list. The next man is going to have to put in some major effort for a chance to ride this ride!

I was getting overwhelmed by the incoming messages on the dating app. I made a decision to go through the list and pick out the top ten that met all of my requirements and were physically pleasing to my eyes. I sent them an invite to my Facebook page and move the conversations to messenger. This would also allow a chance to make sure they were who they really said they were and check out other photos, etc regarding anything about them.

The first gentleman and I had a great back and forth conversation and he seemed to get my sense of humor. Okay, so maybe this would be easier than I thought to meet another potential good one. The next morning as I was writing in my daily blog, an incoming message popped up. "Good Morning, beautiful. I hope you slept well. I had the most unusual thing happen. Care to hear about it?" The message felt odd but sure... I will play along. No sooner than I typed out "what happened" a photo of him sitting in his wrinkled, faded boxers uploaded on my screen. An outline of his pride and joy could clearly be seen.

Why do men think that is something we want to see??? I mean seriously!

I told him I thought it was great he felt secure enough to send such a photo but it felt too forward for me. He would need to tone it back or I was no longer going to entertain anything in the future state with him. He apologized. I guess he must have short-term memory as it didn't take but a few hours for him to move right back into discussions on sexual desires and a request for x-rated photos from me.

Hell to the No Thanks!

With the knowledge of people using people for places to live with the use of sex, people using people for sex and then never speaking to them again, and people requesting people for sexual pictures when they were made aware that is not what the intent was... what the heck has dating become?

A living nightmare apparently...

My status is single and for now, I am very okay with that. I apparently need more knowledge and education on the ways to date and not be taken advantage of. Whether it is in the form of housing, my body, or my eyes...

Fingers crossed the man of my dreams knocks on my door to introduce himself as such, so I don't have to attempt another round of "dating WTF"!

Dating
43

About the Creator

Crystal Rae

My heart bleeds black and white for you to read like an open book... so don't be shy... take a look!

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.