But Here We Are

If you like music or at least know about music, you know how strong they are on bad days. And there is always a specific artist who wins our hearts and becomes our company in the best of times and, above all, a shoulder to lean on in the worst of times. And it's really crazy to think that we can love someone so much who doesn't know us or has never heard of us. And probably never will :(

When Foo Fighters announced the release of their eleventh album, I knew it would be different to listen. It would be heavy and crash me. But I was happy that my favorite band was back and would continue to exist even after the losses it suffered.

The first song was released, Rescued, on a Wednesday at exactly 9:22 am in my country; I ran to hear it. I cried a lot from beginning to end. Yes, I sobbed; I felt mixed feelings and couldn't explain. Music, lyrics, context....feeling. Under You, then, it's not even said. The neighbors must have heard me at some point, haha. And so it went with the following two releases before the entire CD officially came out.

I prepared all the time for the day of the album's release to sit in a corner alone and listen song by song, analyzing and savoring each chord and each part of the lyrics. Putting out the crying and a little bit of grief that, as a fan, I still feel for Taylor's departure. I got ready to cry as much as possible, and it was necessary to relieve the feeling that was kept there and still exists. But it was not like that. On the day, I simply crashed and couldn't listen to the disc. I was putting off the feeling coming, and it took almost three weeks after release for me to put the whole record through for the first time.

As a huge Foo Fighters fan who always rushes to hear anything and everything they release, I began to feel frustrated that it was taking so long to listen to a record that was so special and meaningful. Not just for me but mainly for the band. But I needed to get out of my mind what I idealized to feel and do, to have an authentic experience there listening to what my best friends had to say. It took a while. It was hard. I struggled a few times (why even?), but one day I just pressed play and started listening. It was amazing! Obviously, I loved it and got very emotional. I was sad and happy at the same time.

After that, it still took a while to hear the whole thing again, but today I was listening to this record in looping and reflecting on it. I needed to make up with myself, to be ready to listen to this record for real and as many times as it deserves to be heard. I feel that I have unlocked the fear of feeling, and now I can listen to the record over and over again without stopping. Maybe part of my grief is that, right?

Taylor was like my best friend, you know? It felt like part of me was gone when he was gone. The chip took so long to fall that there are days I still can't believe it.

Among all the songs I saw on the tracklist, I was most curious to hear Rest. I knew it would be as significant as or more than the others, and I knew it might be hard to hear. Everyone talked about this song, how they couldn't contain themselves when they heard it, and how much they identified with it. And when I heard it, I understood. A music full of feeling, heavy. The way it grows, the way Dave sings it, the lyrics, the way the music sounds like they were recorded. I try to imagine the scenes while he sings, and yes, it kills me. While I know the song was made for Virginia, sometimes I think that part of it might also have something to do with Taylor. I don't know.

I still stop analyzing the lyrics, feel the songs, and try to understand what it really wants to go through. I have so many questions that will never be answered, but sometimes I just want to hug Dave and burst into tears without saying a word. But while my heart sinks to hear it, I'm glad they're moving on. It was everything I needed and still need.

Maybe I couldn't put into words the real meaning of all of this for me. And perhaps it doesn't matter to you or anyone else. I don't even know if anyone will read this far. It's hard because I think of something, and it doesn't come out when I write. But I know now I will continue listening to the record and overcoming barriers with these guys who are like my best friends.

Writing about it makes me sad, actually.

🎵 Beyond Me - Foo Fighters