Are you out there?

I’ve read once that Virgos can be delusional. It stuck with me, because… Well, yes, I can be. It has been known to happen and I could relate in a way. Hearing that for the first time like that is like you’ve been proven guilty in court of Law.

All my life I’ve been searching for love. No doubt about it. Trust me, I didn’t want all that sex necessarily, but it’s a part of it. Love. Or connection? Relationship? Temporary insanity? Hard to generalize the role of sex in a relationship, but we all come to our conclusion, based on our unique journeys and experiences, a lot of which we never asked for, by the way.

Does love equal relationship? Not by a long shot. Is the mix of the two an illusion?

So… Let’s say I made it obvious from the Moon that I wanted to spend time with you. To me that means that I thought I picked up on your vibes and went with the flow I just felt what you were feeling. Because it felt good. Or that’s what I thought??

As it turned out, a hundred times over, you were feeling something oppositely to that. And every time, it was a surprise to me. Question marks have only started piling up over the years.

Delusional. Correctomundo. Bingo.

Not from lack of trying, as far as I’m concerned. I really make it obvious. Whereas he makes one thing obvious at first and then another thing sometime after that. It probably goes something like this for him: “What the fuck? Feelings? You’re out.”

Yes. Oh how yes my mind plays tricks on me. Every time realizing how little I want. Just one thing. Just be who I met you that first night/day all the time. Y’know?!

What the fuck happened? How did it happen? Most importantly, when did it happen? Because I must have missed a beat. First, we’re getting married, making children, getting a dog, traveling the world, enjoying each other “like never before. This is my first.” And I wake up tomorrow and he’s up and ready to get the fuck out.

So please, if anyone can answer the above-mentioned questions? What? How? When, most importantly? When? Between now and 5 hours ago. It dawned on you, when you saw the shape of my whatever, that it actually won’t be worth your while. So you bother until you don’t want to anymore.

It’s not like I’m an angel. Here’s the tricky part. Each of us sees reality differently. And they see you differently than you see yourself. You decide when it’s time to stay and when it’s time to go. Both of you. Either of you. And the funny thing is all that same time you saw differently, he saw differently too. He’s probably thinking about Joe Rogan or hamburgers or whatever the harmless little thing they entertained in their heads. My favorite person posted a meme of a couple in bed. She’s thinking: ‘He’s probably thinking about other women.’ He’s thinking: ‘Can dogs from different countries understand the barking of other dogs?’ There you go. Served with a mic dropped. Easier to understand now? No?

It’s a shitty, slow dragging, never-ending game, but it’s here to stay and we may as well play it.

It shouldn’t be so hard, complicated, and slow. The world is our oyster nowadays. No one’s at the end of it. If you want something to be around, go be around them.

I suppose the thing to take away from this is: When you are truly enjoying yourself, do. Let yourself go completely. Surrender. And hope it lasts as long as possible. If it lasts forever, be fucking surprised at it every day.

Another thing stuck with me about Virgos after reading it somewhere. They cannot quiet their minds even if they tried. It applies to me.

Meaning, these are just my experiences. I see couples eeeevrywhereee. It’s starting to look like there are no single people left. And I know love’s always in the air.

However, my clan is also not negligible. There are people out there still just trying to find their one person. Isn’t it tiring meeting new ones every so often? Just the one. The one who knows you. You wouldn’t have to start over and over and over. Not everyone’s fun to meet. Do you lose time with them or if you’d prefer: “grow and evolve because everyone you encounter is a teacher. Blah, blah, blah, blah.” Whatever the case, stop with the lessons and traumas. Just stop. There have been plenty.

I’m really starting to be afraid about my heart. Can it withstand more excruciating tears and miss any more beats? And don’t give me that: ‘You get what you are equipped to deal with. Dealing with it makes you strong.’ It seems like a lot of work has to be put in, in order to keep ourselves alive and sane, doesn’t it?

Bottom line, just please be you. If we click like gangbusters, let’s keep clicking. It’s rare. Or if only just once in a lifetime.

So, all’s going according to the divine plan, but hurry that up, would you? What are we waiting for? Am I really going to get this surreal being after all my hard-earned spiritual work? This perfect, fit-like-gloves flame. Twin. Mate. Love. If that’s what I’m waiting for, please hurry even more. I’d want to spend as much time with him as possible.

End of the line, please. Now. I’ve met him.