A Stick of Gum

It all started because of a stick of gum. Something so small, so simple, and my life was forever changed.

My older sister had been working for a temp agency for a few years and they had been struggling to find workers. I was in my senior year of high school and wanted to start saving money for when I was away at college in the fall. She heard about a 3rd shift opening with a factory. The schedule was determined by the employee. All we had to do was call them at the beginning of the week and tell them when we could work. It was a dream job. Little did I know, it would slowly turn into a nightmare.

I met Benny on the second night at the factory. He worked in a different area and had a few friends that followed him around. I watched him the first night wondering how old he was, how long he had been working here, and if he was single.

On the third night, he offered me a stick of gum. Accepting that stick of gum sent me down a path I was not prepared to take.

Benny was cocky, very full of himself, and a smooth talker. He had red hair and freckles. On his left forearm, he had his last name tattooed. It didn't take me long to give him my number. We would talk all night long over text while at work. Sometimes we would talk during the day when we weren't at work also, but it wasn't very often. He always had an excuse for not being able to talk during the day.

He confided in me that he was going through a really nasty break-up and that his ex was currently pregnant so that made it harder. I asked why the relationship was ending if there was a child involved and he said they weren't a good fit anymore. When I told him I was eighteen, he stopped talking to me for a few days. I was baffled. Then I learned he was in his early thirties.

When he started talking to me again, he told me he couldn't stop thinking about me. He had been interested in me since the first night he saw me, but he had needed to separate himself from me because of the age gap. I told him I was a big girl and I could handle myself. I also told him there wasn't any reason we couldn't just talk. We weren't dating or getting married. I asked him to keep talking to me. And so he did.

Talking led to after-work breakfast dates. That led to me making up lies and traveling to different cities to spend time with him. I did this on two occasions. The first time, I went with him to look at a truck. He held my hand while we drove there. It seemed harmless. I honestly felt like such a grown-up because he was older. The second time, I drove an hour and a half from home to pick him up from what he said was a friend's house. Turns out it wasn't a friend's house, but his "ex's" house. Also, it turned out they had a kid together already, plus another on the way. Her mom told Benny that he needed to leave and figure things out before he came back. She told me to be careful around him.

I should have taken that as a red flag, but I wanted to be in an adult relationship. I liked the way he talked to me. He made me feel like I wasn't just a quiet high school girl. Except, after that day, he started to change a bit.

Benny knew I was a virgin. We played twenty questions a few times and he had asked pretty early on. I was embarrassed to say I was still a virgin. A lot of my classmates seemed to have already done the deed. I wanted to so badly, but my ex hadn't wanted to and I couldn't make myself do it with just anyone. Benny was the first guy after my ex that I thought about doing it with.

For our entire time talking, I had made sure to be with him in places where there were other people. He caught on to this and had been bugging me to go to his apartment. I finally talked my best friend into going. He wanted it to be a fun night, so we picked one where neither of us had to work. I remember driving with my best friend, both of us so excited to be going to an older guy's apartment. We thought we were so cool, so grown up. Little did we know the night would end with us wanting to be little girls again.

We walked into the grungy bachelor pad. There was a leather couch, a coffee table, and a TV in the living room. We sat down and Benny brought out a deck of cards. I can't even remember what game we were playing. After a little bit, he offered us drinks. I wanted to decline, but my friend said yes for both of us. He went to his tiny kitchen and rummaged in the fridge. I heard the cans open and then he appeared about 45 seconds later.

It was my first time drinking alcohol. A blue raspberry Four Loko. The can felt large and awkward in my hand. I sipped on it and was thankful it didn't taste bad. My best friend was more of a rebel than I and started drinking it quickly. Soon she was intoxicated and asked to go get food. Benny said he couldn't take us out in public because we were too drunk. He made us bacon instead. After eating a handful of pieces, I was holding her hair back while she puked in the toilet. She kept mumbling about how this wasn't what being drunk felt like. She told me something was wrong. Benny reassured me she just drank too much too fast. We wiped the vomit and bacon from her face and walked her to the couch. Benny's cousin was there now to keep an eye on her. Benny suggested we get some sleep.

The next thing I remember is waking up, but not being able to move. I was pinned to his bed and somehow I had gotten naked. When did I undress? I didn't want to be undressed and I didn't want to be pinned down. Benny's mouth found mine. He tried to kiss me. I felt scared and confused so I tried to pull away. He grabbed my face and kissed me harder.

"You're mine now." The sentence that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

He forced his way inside me. I tried to fight him off but I felt so weak. I managed to slap his face. This pissed him off so he flipped me onto my stomach and pinned me down that way. He forced himself inside me and I screamed out in pain.

The rest is a blur. I don't know how long he spent having his way with me. The word no crossed my lip a thousand times, I'm sure. I remember crying. There were moments of blackness and no pain, but mostly it just hurt.

When he finished he pulled me into him and said I had felt so good. I wanted to vomit. I couldn't feel my legs. I was crying silent tears. It seemed to take years for him to fall asleep and loosen his grip on me. When he finally did I snuck out to the bathroom. It burned when I peed and there was blood when I wiped. As I was about to leave, I caught my reflection in the mirror and began crying again.

I was now a woman, but it had happened in a way I never could have imagined.