Women Who Stay, 27

Chapter 1 ... Chapter 26

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I expected Gordon to be the first child to acquiesce to an interview, but Jacob surprised me. He invited me to his Bed-Stuy apartment, where he made us lattes with a gleaming monster of an espresso machine. When I complimented him on his technique, he shrugged.

"I like to do things right," he said, mopping the steam wand with a dishtowel. "Otherwise, what's the point in doing them at all?"

"Did you teach yourself how to do it?"

He shook his head. "I was a barista all through my twenties. It was the only job I could hold down for a while."

"After your father killed himself, you mean?"

"Yes, after that." He appraised me coldly. "You were very clever with how you managed all this. Played your cards well. Reminds me of my mother."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment. She was manipulative, too."

I sipped my coffee and considered how to proceed. "There's a reason I'm not a mother. Didn't think I'd be a good one." He didn't take the bait, so I pressed him. "Was Janie a good mother?"

"Not to put too fine a point on it, no. She liked us when we were babies. Lost interest when we became people. I didn't understand it at first, but then Annabelle came along. It was clearer, watching Mom happen to her." His eyes drifted out of focus. "We were lucky to have Dad. He was kind of the opposite. He liked us better once we could talk with him. Go to the movies, follow him around the stores, fix up an old toaster. We got to be his buddies. But Gordon..." His gaze whipped back to mine. "Can you promise me he'll never know I said what I'm about to say?"

"Yes. I told you before, I don't want to make trouble for you."

"Not if we play nice, at least, huh?" he asked nastily. I didn't respond. "Well, Gordon never got to have Dad. He only had Mom, and he turned himself into her little doll to keep her love. That's why he turned out the way he did."

"And how did you turn out?"

"Angry."

"What made you angry?"

He laughed, hoarse and hollow. "Everything. I made the mistake at first of sticking around with Mom, thinking Annabelle and Gordon needed me. But it was like everywhere I turned, someone was making a shitty comment about Dad, or us, and I'd snap.

"So then I moved to the city, thinking a fresh start would fix it. But I was still the same old me, fucking up. All I needed was a look to get going." He took a long sip of his latte. "A few years back I was finally diagnosed with BPD and given the right kind of drugs. Boy, it's funny how much better the world looks when you can't feel much."

We talked until the sun was low and our stomachs were growling, then walked around the corner to grab a burger. Before we parted ways, I stopped him.

"We've edged around it, but I'm going to be blunt now," I said. "Did you know?"

"Never even guessed. Which I know sounds crazy. But, like, nothing about our childhood was normal. Mom was the one I was scared of. It didn't even occur to me that there was something wrong with Dad, too."

"Did she know?"

He looked haunted. "How could she not? She took us away, all the time. Wouldn't let us have friends over. They fought all the time, and she stayed right up to the end."

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I plan to take a break for a couple of days, hopefully resuming this series on Sunday, April 14th. This morning, I got great news: I have progressed to the second round of the NYCmidnight short story competition. Starting Thursday night, I will have to put all my available brain cells into writing 2,000 words in two days.

I hope you'll join me again at the end of the weekend, as we near the end of this tale <3

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Break's done! Read on to Chapter 28