Women Who Stay, 12

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

________

A cloud crossed the sun and Janie shivered. She looked over her shoulder in the direction of the diner.

"What do you think Antonio needed?" I asked quickly. I wanted to keep her in the park. She shot me a withering glance.

"I'd hate to speculate. He's not here to defend himself." She was getting snippy. I wondered if her stomach was cramping too, or if she'd been smart enough to eat beforehand. But my hunger was secondary to my desire to continue our conversation. Janie had given me more meat in the last fifteen minutes than in our last three meetings combined.

I thought fast. Backtracked. "Of course not. I meant more regarding marriage, along the lines of the terms you had. He seemed motivated to give you a child, to keep you as his wife, far past his comfort level. "

"We married for a reason," she said. "We were quite compatible. Like me, he had a vision of the perfect life. The legacy of a child. A beautiful home and things to fill it. A spouse who was happy to simply coexist." She looked thoughtful. "I'll admit we had different motivations for those desires."

"Can you elaborate?"

"Not today." In response to my sigh, she tutted. "Haven't I given you enough to feast on?"

"Yes, we've been having a very productive conversation, but --"

"But what? The truth isn't enough? My story, independent of what my husband may or may not have done, isn't interesting enough for you?"

"Woah, woah. Back up. You think he didn't kill those men?"

"That's not even close to what I said. I am saying that the experience I lived through had far less intersection with his -- his misdeeds than you seem to want."

"Janie, we've been dancing around his crimes for days now."

"Can you blame me?" She turned to me with furious eyes. "I was humiliated. I lost everything. My house. My business. My husband. Even my children, after a fashion. And it had nothing to do with anything I'd done."

"May I speak plainly?"

"Oh, now you worry how I'll feel."

"I'm not here to make you feel better. I'm not here to absolve you. I'm also not here to blame you or to make you relive your humiliation. I'm here to get the truth. You think your lived experience didn't intersect with Antonio's crimes? You're wrong. You said it yourself two days ago -- 'He was always the same man.'

"You spent a third of your life with a very violent man. Just because he wasn't violent with you, just because you didn't watch him do it or know the specifics, doesn't mean it's not the truth. If you refuse to examine your story within the context of his actions, you only see half of what it means."

Her lip trembled. I dug in my purse for a tissue and handed it to her. "Janie, when I ask you questions about his motivations, or about the things he did, it's not so I can write some kind of 'gotcha' piece. It's because your answers tell me a lot about who you are, and who he was to you. When you compartmentalize the knowledge you had before and after his death like this, you kneecap me. You make me think you're lying. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded. "I see your point. I -- I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I know it's hard to talk about these things. I just want us to be on the same page. Friends again?"

She gave a wobbly laugh. "If you'd like."

________

Read on to Chapter 13