Within a Circle of Glimpses

Within a Circle of Glimpses

Earth, Winter 2018, Anno Domini

First Glimpse:

A Random Visit

She was sitting on her favourite chair: her comfy blue chair, to be exact. Enjoying a haphazard brew of pepper, raw honey, warm water, olive oil, and turmeric powder. Yum! Wearing a kyanite necklace, her choice for the solitary occasion. Another great day full of lessons, she thought. A soothing energy missing a cozy blanket and perhaps some smooth jazz for ambience.

“Oh, hello!”

A rather large butterfly winged with translucent bluish magnificence emerged from, well, God knows where. Rest assured, little ones, despite a fine line towards insanity, this one wasn't schizophrenic but clairvoyant.

“I see you! You’re safe here, but why do you come to me?”

“I’m here to guide you through this coming transformation.”

“Oh, that’s nice! I wasn’t aware of an upcoming transformation. What should I call you?”

“Leukemia!”

“That can’t be right! May I call you Keesha?”

Suddenly, good ole Rufus’ rat-a-tat made its presence known. That one was her spirit guide, and yes, she had many! He was a peekaboo from a past life. Recently reacquainted as a father figure; there was love there. His purpose: to steer her straight when she leaned towards ignorance. He’d appear to her as a stern goat or a stereotypical druide. His arrivals, kindly tolerated although it oddly never seemed like much of a choice, announced by the thumps of his wooden staff. “Pay attention child! You don’t always listen!” he’d say.

“Okay fine! Leukemia it is! Wait, does that mean what I think it means?”

“It’s just a name!”

Second Glimpse:

Another Loop from Hell!

“What a strange visit! Apparently, my spirit guides have a twisted sense of humour! Why do I see the "fun" ones? I don’t get any of this! Sigh! It’s never obvious!”

Leukemia brought up some issues. And how, with a name like that! Her thoughts immediately directed themselves towards her recent class on psychic development. Like always, a fun experience, except for an eenie-teenie-weenie trigger. She could feel it, the uninvited guest, a parasite, creepy-crawling its way out accompanied by the vomited sentence: “Pardon my French but why is my stupid Beau still unattainable?” And there it was: repressed anger. From her perspective, if she was Hercules, then she had spiritually accomplished all the labours sent by the Gods above: awakening, recognizing the shadow-self, shedding the ego-self, healing the inner child, opening the heart chakra, healing the physical body, developing gifted abilities, practicing mindfulness…. The list went on to eventually become a scroll. Consequently, her world was realigning itself to match her personal growth. And yet, no Monsieur Beau at the never-end of her dangling rainbow! A great many lessons were learned treading the polychromatic unknown: be in the moment, find inner joy, perfect timing, mirrored souls, free will choices, akashic visions, ego projections.…

Obsessive Compulsive Awakening? To be fair, she’d actively try to forget, and on purpose too, but each new lesson brought her back to him like an ouroboros hellhole. She wanted him, this much was clear. But enough was enough! Pushed back too many times, it hurt too much.

“I mean what the f*ck, guys! I’m so done with this! I’ve tried amnesia, I clear my energy, and what do I get? An amazing dream, with him, like a f*cking Don Juan! I’m growing really desperate here, so why can’t I break the pattern? I’m done! This ends now!”

That night, a remnant piece of her shadow-self was calling: “Your scheduled moult is due!” She knew the demands: letting go of control, more specifically, Beau.

“Oh, sure! Yeah! Like I didn’t try? What a joke!”

Well, that attitude certainly explained the recent outburst of pimples between her eyebrows! According to the Traditional Chinese Medicine face mapping, Mademoiselle was displaying signs of a liver imbalance. In plain English: undealt-with anger and frustration. She took action by writing down some affirmations; her way of putting this issue to bed.

“Goodbye cycle from hell!”

Third Glimpse:

Grounding Thoughts

Her notes read:

14/02/18

How poetic! Today’s the day that I forever relinquish control on love. I don’t want to keep pressuring myself anymore. I’m done! I'll admit, it’s a little hard; okay, a lot. I'm crying and definitely mourning but in a good way. I’m just so tired of investigating the ether: harassing it for answers on who, when, where, and how. I’m so done with this energy! I understand that in order to attract love I need to let go of control. It just hurts too much! Nothing is permanent! There's no such thing as a forever love other than with yourself, and this needs to be enough. Tonight I release the old patterns and clear more heart wounds based on mistrust of myself, the universe, and ultimately the bigger picture. I'm ready to let this issue surface and be transmuted for my highest good. Control is of a lower vibration that no longer serves me. I love myself too much to keep fear inside of me. I don’t want it and I give it to the light.

Tonight I ask for clearing and gentle assistance.

I wake with a lighter heart that took the time to mourn.

Here’s to moving forward, letting my light shine brighter.

Happy Valentine’s Day to me, and, breathe!

XOXO

Fourth Glimpse:

Nice Try!

She woke up the next day, but, to her surprise, not much had changed. She didn’t like the feeling, like an uneasiness nesting inside. It bothered her, it seriously did! She couldn’t identify the emotion, but it definitely felt empty at first.

“Oh, great! Am I friends with apathy; again?” she thought.

No, that wasn’t quite it.

“Anger?”

Strangely enough, anger resonated a tad more, although this wasn't her familiar one. Usually a convincing Hulk, intrinsically trapped, but wanting out. Sufficiently intelligent to name itself; Gertrude didn’t like nobody! A perfect case study for a Freudian psychoanalysis. A sunken id inferno, la commedia was the depth below. A little cliché but like the calm before a storm, Gertrude, gloriously armed with a cigarette, had found a window.

“Oh, yes! I'm angry that this is still affecting me! I said I was done!”

However, it wasn’t! The night before, a sad attempt at wishful thinking. To shed was to accept vulnerability like a metaphorical nakedness. Gertrude wasn’t big on intimacy, hence the hope to resolve this one as quick as a one-night stand.

“Death by affirmation!” she thought.

But no! She had to release this one by feeling it free; more like “death by a snuggly love” kind of thing. A pointless feat without the root cause; her final puzzle piece, properly missing!

“What is it? Childhood again? Past life? JESUS!”

Jesus, no, last straw, yes! To explain, her morning routine consisted in drawing a card from her oracle deck. She’d ask her guides to help her choose, à la carte! Alas, coffee, less arousing for her senses. Today’s hand-picked reflection was a proud “Self-Worth” card and this had her fuming.

“You evaluate your self-worth! I already love myself! I thought that lesson was learned! What do you sadists want from me?”

This game was exhausting and officially blah!

“I’m done guys! I’m going to bed!”

Fifth Glimpse:

Lucy

So Lucy calls and she picks up.

“Do you want me to come over? You sound like I should come over!”

“Sure!” she mumbles.

She didn’t mind, but she didn’t care either, slowly approaching apathy again. Her past-self would’ve completely withdrawn had she not grown, even just a little. A good coping mechanism nurtured from years of learned helplessness. Not with Lucy: her closest friend and identified sister from a past life. How strange that she wouldn’t turn down the company of her bff. However, achieving this change brought no consolation.

I don’t care was the phrase strung together by a bunch of mumbo jumbo thoughts.

So Lucy came by….

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“No! I know exactly what’s going on and I don’t want to talk about it! Besides, it’ll just make me angrier.”

Lucy got it! After all, these two took turns with their spiritual moultings. A shedding phase much like the monthly menstrual visit. Nay! Her ugly cousin. Suffice to say, it was never pretty! Nonetheless, a necessary process: the rite of passage for young blossoming souls; the sacred dance of ascension.

So Lucy talked about herself and shared insights on her latest “Moltovitch” (moultings with an Eastern European twist). Lucy loved to record her personal healing sessions. This ensured objective awareness recalling important conversations. And so, she talked and talked some more which eventually got the other one to dialogue.

“It’s like the blog! I keep going with the flow, letting the days unfold naturally, and nothing! Just nothing! I’m nowhere near getting it published. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve played along and it’s been wondrous, but at the end of the day, I sit to type, and life comes knocking.”

She used her startup blog as the main issue, disguising the elephant in the room with a dainty blanket; it didn’t.

“You’re just not letting go yet.”

“Don’t you think I know that? But how? I’m so over this!” she cried.

Lucy hugged her with a “there, there” as quiet tears fell from the ledge of her eyes along with a sense of relief. Perhaps it did help to let the werewolf’d feelings out, once in a blue moon. Something to consider for future moults? Still upset but less apathetic, she presently felt like a grumpy old man, so Lucy fed him.

They shared space in silence as the mood abruptly shifted out of a heavy metal racket. Lucy was transcribing her session. Her grumpy old friend eavesdropped from afar as he rummaged through childhood photos. Looking to see if something would make sense or pop out. Nothing! But, Grumpy stumbled upon his old jewelry box, leaving behind an exorcised-self when peeping through the riches. A radiant Ruby ring belonging to her grandma laid there, poised at the feet of a musically twirling ballerina.

“Strange! I never used to like Rubies even though they're my birthstone. I should look up its meaning for a clue!”

A slight screech of excitement was heard as she read from her crystal book.

“Ooooo, look! Ruby’s an aphrodisiac stone bringing love and passion to its beholder! Maybe it’ll help?”

She selectively forgot to mention that Ruby purifies the circulatory system. She thought of Leukemia; there’s no such thing as coincidences! However, that would be a thought for another day.

Sixth Glimpse:

The Next Morning

A rise and shine feeling optimistic: an appointment with a distinguished healer laid in the cards, figuratively speaking! Determined, she knew this’d be the day that the loop from hell died a painful, miserable death. No pressure, pick a card, any card, just an oracle card that is, for the day thirsted for validation. Clasping her arms around the deck, as if it weighed more on her fate, she whispered guidance from above and dropped two cards instead of one.

“Seems like today'll be a big day after all!”

First Arcana, needing no explanation, the "Shadow-Self".

“Yah!"

The second Arcana seemed a bit random.

“Mother Earth?”

Apparently, Gaia was with her, offering assistance.

“Strange, I haven't sensed her! Maybe this one was a mistake?”

However, as mentioned, there’s no such thing as coincidences….

Seventh Glimpse:

Healer Time!

The dreadful waiting room, like water dripping out of a faucet! Drip! Drip! Drip! Tick! Tock…. You know the lingo!

“Noël, I’m Pat!”

“Yes! Hello! Actually, I know, we've met once before. Er! Last Summer?”

“I was just going to say, you look very familiar.”

Pat gave himself a quick refresher from old kept notes.

“Of course! Noël! I remember now!”

“I’m also Lucy’s friend: the one you recommended ideas for our Divine Feminine Ceremony?”

“Wonderful!”

The session began with Pat treading lightly. Was she wild water drowning in an ocean or tomayto, tomahto? Either way, this one knew how to make salsa!

“So why don’t you break the pattern? You already know that it’s a pattern on a loop. Most people wouldn't recognize that. What's the hold up? Call this Beau!”

“Sigh! How? I don't even know what he looks like.”

“So? Do it in the spiritual realm!”

“Oh, okay! I just thought that it’d be intrusive?”

“Not if you ask first! Don’t you want to get to the bottom of it? See what this soul connection is all about?”

“You have no idea!”

“Okay, let’s do it then!”

“Oh, now?”

“Why not?”

“Okay!” as she held her breath.

Eighth Glimpse:

The Butterfly

Pat had a knack for guided journeys or any spiritual discussion, as a matter of fact. But first, the basics: frequency healing music, eyes closed, and a round of three deep grounding breaths connecting to the self and the body.

“Call upon your Guru. (Pause!) Whether it be Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, or whomever you ordinarily connect with. (Pause!) Wait for their presence. (Pause!) Take your time. (Pause!)”

“That’s Jesus! And, he’s here!”

“He has a message for you. (Pause!) What is it? (Pause!)”

She frowned: her clairvoyance was strong however she couldn’t always make sense of it.

“Talk through what you see; it'll help!”

“Well, I see Jesus, heart in hands. It's beaming white light. He gifts it to me. Not sure what I’m doing; maybe familiarizing the feeling?”

“That’s wonderful! Can you draw it in and let it fill your heart?”

“I’m not sure. I think I did it, yes, I did it! But, I don’t necessarily feel any different. Oh wait, the picture is changing!”

Her face squished with a frown, again.

“Talk it through when it gets confusing!”

“There's a white bird! Eagle? No, it's an owl! It must've taken the light which glows green.”

“Are you with it?”

“More like observing. It seems to be traveling through time. This makes no sense now!”

“What?”

“He dropped it in a circle of hands! The other side rays a beautiful sky through the clouds. Oh, we’re in a garden!”

“Biblical?”

“I guess it could be the garden of Eden? Jesus is sitting on a rock and I’m on the grass by his feet. Gasp!

Oh my God! That’s where we’re corded from:

Christ Consciousness! I’ve been acting like Doubting Thomas and Beau's my Magdala. Sigh! That’s so beautiful!”

That rolling hay ball, awkward, but necessarily present in creating suspense when breaking a pattern; and she was ever so close. As crisp air filled up her lungs, she knew, rival cowboy bang bang, bye-bye! Soul recognition; she could now start anew and ...

“Oh, now I see a horse!”

“Wait! Go back a little! You jumped to the next yoga pose! We’re not there yet!”

“Oh, sorry!”

The horse ended up being its own story.

“Was there something else that Jesus was giving you?”

“Hmm, I don’t see another gift. But no, I’m the one giving him a shadow? Nope, now it’s a rock! I don’t want to handle it; it doesn’t feel right and it’s not mine to keep. The rock resembles the Earth.

Oh, I get it! Sorry, I don’t mean to cry; it’s just that I gave him my burdens.”

“Yes, you were giving away the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“Oh, Gaia's here! That’s so weird, she just thanked me. She’d been waiting for that rock. She says that now she can help those that were involved.”

That bit would only make sense, wait for it, ah yes, Gaia would finally be able to help those for whom she had carried burdens.

“Beautiful! And know that this was a karmic contract: you needed to hold on to this weight to experience its contrast.”

“Oh, okay! There’s a pretty flower: it’s purple and green,” she smiled. “Aw, there’s a blue butterfly circling it.”

“That’s beautiful! Fun fact, butterflies often symbolize transformations!”

And it was just then and only then that she heard a beautifully whispering voice say: “Now Leukemia can go away!”

She later came to understand that Leukemia had volunteered to assist in a powerful transformation, clearing the entire bloodline by releasing control; a predisposed manifestation passed on from generation to generation as the fear of the unknown.