To Return, Remember

“The only reason you bypassed the Caves before was because your father was with you. He was your guide to the Fae realm. Without him, the path is no longer open. The Caves reveal themselves now, and without a guide, you’ll never find your way through.”

A voice cut through the haze of the Astral, making Jess fall to their knees. They couldn’t help the sobs that racked their shoulders, the tightness in their chest. Examining their hand, they noticed their heartline had faded considerably.

“How can I get home, if I can’t find the path myself?” They asked, no one in particular. “I don’t want to be trapped any longer. This must end.”

They had begun to doubt their abilities; all they’d learned from their father was beginning to fade. Their legs refused to listen to their commands to rise. They felt defeated.

“You can find the path,” the voice began, “as long as you are willing to fight for it.”

“I shouldn’t have to fight this hard to get home,” they cried. “Is there another guide available? I have another name to trade, if possible.”

The swirl of mist collected before Jess, forming another figure. This one was tall, dressed in robes like the Trickster demon. Instead of bright, shining colors, these were muted. The colors of shadow and blood.

“I can guide you where you need to go,” the figure said. Its voice was deep, resonating in these hollow spaces. “If you are serious about your offer.”

Jess fought with their legs once more, forcing themself to stand. “I am serious,” they managed, between the sobs. “I just want to get back to where I believe I belong.”

The figure extended its hand. Its fingers were long and covered in some kind of thick liquid. Jess hesitated once more, but before they could think, their hand was clutched by the figure.

“I give you passage back to the Caves,” it said. “From here, you may find the path you seek.”

As with the first time they traded their name, the world shifted and whirled about them. The mist cleared and the path was made open. Yet, something felt off. Through the mist, in the distance, they could faintly see the light emanating from behind a thick gate, a great shadow loomed before it.

“Will this path lead me to the Fae realm?” They asked, unsure, but the figure was nowhere to be seen.

Another quick sob, they wiped the tears from their eyes, and with trembling legs, they took the first steps toward the light.

“Hmm, what have we here?” growled a deep, gravelly voice from above.

The child looked toward the ceiling to find they were staring into the eyes of a great beast. It had the face of a man, but the body of a lion, with a scorpion’s tail, and the wings of a great dragon. This was a manticore.

“I’m trying to get to the Fae realm,” they replied. “Is there any way I might be on the threshold?”

“What does a nameless one want with my domain?” He asked, quietly purring. “Is there something that brings you here?”

The child glanced around, trying to think. “I’m hoping to find my father so I can wake up from this nightmare.”

“Nightmare, huh?” The beast furrowed his brows, growling. “What makes this a nightmare to you?”

“Well, being forced from my body, almost getting killed by a mimic, as well as having to trade my names just to get to the gates of the realm, I’m vaguely familiar with. Not to mention the fact that in all the time I spent with my father in this place, never once did he mention guards.”

“Every realm in the multiverse has some form of guardian,” the manticore replied, his tone becoming slightly softer. “I guess it’s something most scholars neglect to admit in their own studies, not out of caution, but simple forgetfulness.”

“How could someone forget to mention such a crucial detail when traveling to other realms?” They asked, confused.

The manticore placed his tail around the child’s shoulders, as he led them away from the gate. “I would suggest you find that out yourself, and while you’re at it, discover who you truly are. Because no one wants to constantly try to address someone without a name.”

As he finished speaking, he pushed the child away; just as they faced their destination, a great wall slammed into their face, cutting off any possible access to where they were hoping to go.

The child pounded on the wall with all they had, but it wasn’t enough. All they could do now was wander, and hope something would work out for them.

Walking along the path, they noticed a reflection of water dancing along the ceiling of the cave. They were feeling rather thirsty at this point, though food and water were far from requirements.

As they approached, they noticed the water was calm, crystal clear; like looking into a mirror. Cupping their hands, the child took some water from the pool and gazed into it. The water began to show images of things they’d done in the past, as well as images of who they are now.

“I need a name that suits me,” they said aloud. “Would it be too much to refer to myself as Nemo for the time being?”

The water surged abruptly; it felt like it was boiling, and they had to let it fall from their hands. In the next instant, the image in the pool was of them, where they currently sat, rubbing their burned hands. Above their head, in the reflection, a name was written in golden letters.

Their true name.

James entered the Astral of the hospital but couldn’t quite remember where the entrance to the Caves was located.

“It seems you might need a bit of a refresher,” came a voice from his left. “The emergency exit door on the second floor.”

“Thanks, Jack,” James replied. “Are the Hunters still lurking about?”

“Always are, but you knew that,” Jack chided. “Just don’t do anything to get their attention, and you should be fine.”

James headed out the door and into the hall, keeping to the wall, as best he could. Keeping his eyes peeled for any signs of danger, he quickly exited the lobby through the stairwell door. Traversing the stairs, he made it to the second floor without an issue.

Now, he needed to be extremely stealthy, as the Hunters were thick on this floor. Staying low and close to the wall, he slithered through the shadows, making sure to keep out of sight of anyone. Within minutes, he was at the door that would take him to the Caves, and hopefully, his child.

With the knowledge of their full name and feeling more empowered than ever, they decided to make their way back to the gate. This time, they were determined to make it back to the fae realm and find their father.

“Well, well, well,” the manticore purred. “Look who’s come back. Have you finally discovered who you are?”

“I have. But there’s no reason that I know I should tell you.” They replied, smirking. “I now know who I am, that I demand entrance to the realm you guard.”

“Oh? We’re demanding, are we?” He asked, surprised. “Where did this newfound courage come from?”

“I’ve remembered enough of my father’s teachings that I shouldn’t have to fear anyone, especially not you.”

The beast threw his head back and let out a loud, guttural laugh. It was so loud that the walls began to shake. “You’ve got some nerve, saying something so bold, little one.”

As he spoke, his tail came up and wrapped itself around the child’s neck. It wasn’t tight at first, but as the seconds slipped by, the beast continued coiling his tail, until there was no mistaking what was happening.

“What--”

“Silence, pest!” He yelled. “How does it feel knowing you don’t have the power to control one stronger than yourself?”

The child could barely breathe. They felt themselves being dragged along the floor, while their hands grasped their throat. In the next instant, the floor vanished from under them. They were being held aloft over the gaping maw of the deep chasm.

“Put them down,” James called from the other side of the vast expanse. His voice was commanding, determined to get his child back to safety at all costs.

The manticore looked in the direction of this new threat; teeth bared. But, looking across the chasm, and realized this was no mere annoyance to come to stop him from his conquest.

“Dad!” The child tried to call out, but the grip of the beast’s tail was too much, and they nearly fainted.

“Who dares tell me what I’m to do with my ‘guest’?” The manticore called. Before he knew what was happening, he let his tail ease on the child’s neck, but only slightly. Then, let his tail slip off completely.

The child tried to grab onto the tail once more, but it was too late. They were falling, and continued to fall, seeing the ground rise, with nothing beneath them but darkness.

“No!” James jumped into the chasm after his child, but there was nothing he could do, yet.

As soon as he caught up with them, he grabbed a hold of their hand, spreading his astral wings. He lifted them back to safety on a nearby ledge.

“How did you do that?” They asked, surprised to still be alive. “I thought I was going to die for sure. My heart’s still racing.”

“The Astral is a place for the mind. The stronger your will, the more you can do. Unfortunately, there are limitations, though.”

“Such as?”

“These wings aren’t meant to fly long distances. They only help in short bursts. You can do this as well; you just need to believe you can.”

The child embraced James with all they had. Relief spilled from their eyes, as they began sobbing uncontrollably. “I’m so glad you were able to find me. But” they pulled away, “how did you know where to find me?”

James gave them a small smile. “You’re my child,” he said. “It was a lot of work, but your mother was the one that told me where to find you, Steph.”

Looking to the ground, they said, “I think it’s best I reintroduce myself to you, and everyone else in my life.”

James looked puzzled for a moment.

“Hi, I’m no longer Steph Clarey,” they said. “From now on, I’m Quinn Lysaght. I hope you don’t mind, dad.”

“You’ve discovered your true name,” James said, astonished. “I’m so proud of you. No, I don’t mind at all, Quinn. Now, how about we get back to that gate, and head into our destination, huh?”

Quinn smiled, giving their father a quick nod.

As they reached the top of the cliff, James assisted Quinn to their feet, where the manticore was lazing on the ground before the gate. Opening one eye, he watched as the travelers approached.

“Ah, you’re back,” he said, stretching. “How did you enjoy your fall?”

“Screw you, we both know you did it on purpose,” James replied. “And you knew I’d go after them, because they’re my responsibility.”

The manticore shrugged, in his own way. “So, you have a name and identity, now. How does it feel?”

“Honestly, I don’t really feel much different than before.” Quinn answered. “But I guess it’s better than being referred to as ‘Hey you.’”

The manticore gave a hearty laugh. “And you are now free to visit any realm of the Astral you wish.”

“Thank you,” Quinn replied. “Just knowing I no longer need to trade my name away makes it all worth it.”

“Well, now that that’s taken care of,” James began. “Shall we?”

Quinn, now fully aware of their true name, wandered along the paths of the Fae realm. Along a quiet river, they came to a bridge, woven from roots and vines, covered in a light mist. It looked ancient, but sturdy.

They took one step onto it, then another. Before long, they were in the center, where a familiar voice called out.

“You’ve crossed so many lines already,” it said. “What makes you think this one’s safe?”

Quinn looked around, confused a moment before leaning against the railing, looking at the water below.

“Mom?” They asked. “I hope this time, I can make it back, and we can be together again. I really miss my familiar life, and my friends.” They smirked, thinking. “Jordan has been such a good friend, maybe we can make something work. I think I may be falling for her.”

“I thought I might find you here,” James said, approaching the bridge. “Are you ready to wake up now? The doctors have been talking about pulling the plug if you don’t come to soon.”

“How long have I been out for?”

“Three months. They feel that because of your condition, it might be difficult to get back to normal without extensive therapy.” He gave her a sideways glance. “You’ll be just fine, I know you will.”

“Thanks, dad,” Quinn replied, smiling. “I’m not quite ready to get out of here, yet. Why don’t you go back and let Jordan and mom know how things are. I’ll be right behind you.”

James nodded, giving them a quick kiss on the forehead, and was gone.

Wandering the Fae realm, Quinn happened to find a clearing with a tree stump in the center. Around the stump, there were burning candles that seemed to have been there forever.

As they approached the stump, they noticed a notebook with entries written inside, almost like a journal, and in their handwriting.

Flipping through the pages, they came upon an entry:

September 30,

Today, I will finally confess my feelings to Jordan. I hope she doesn’t freak out on me, like the other time I tried to.

I think we were meant to be together, but I’m afraid of letting her down. I truly feel like I love her, but I can’t help but feel some form of way that makes me nervous. I’ll just have to say what’s in my heart and hope for the best.

“Wait, does this mean I’m close to waking from this coma?” Quinn wondered aloud.

Looking around, Quinn noticed a door that didn’t seem to belong where it was. They approached, and felt a cool breeze flowing from inside, like the air conditioner from the hospital room. The door stood, beckoning like an old friend, ready to move forward. As Quinn reached for the doorknob, they heard a faint, but warm sound of laughter, coming from behind them.

It seemed warm and inviting, at first, but here in the Astral, things aren’t always as they seem. Turning to face the sound, it changed to mocking and harshness. A memory they thought was banished from their mind forever. They had become the target of constant torment.

Before them, stood a group of students from their middle school, calling out names and mocking them for who they were.

Placing their hands to their head, they closed their eyes, trying to block out the sound.

“This isn’t real,” Quinn said. “They can’t hurt me anymore.”

Suddenly, they felt a tug on their back. Another student pulled their hair, causing a loud ruckus of laughter. A third student threw a punch to Quinn’s stomach, making them yell out in pain.

“Look it wants to be a boy, but it doesn’t have the balls to stand up to us,” chided another.

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Quinn asked, through tear-stained eyes. “I never did anything to any of you.”

As the children came closer, the chants of, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” continued to drown out Quinn’s pleas for mercy.

The child from behind, tripped Quinn, followed by a kick to their face when they fell. The other two began stomping, and punching, while Quinn put their hands up to defend against the blows.

As anger and hatred began seething to the surface, Quinn remembered how this memory should have played out, had they been given extraordinary abilities. They grabbed one of the children’s feet, a girl’s, as she lost her balance, and fell to the ground beside Quinn. Lashing out, they threw a backhanded punch of their own to the child’s face. She stood up, and ran away, crying.

The next child in Quinn’s sights was a boy pulling their hair. They grabbed his wrists and twisted them, so he’d let go. With all their strength, Quinn flipped him onto his back, causing the wind to be knocked completely from his lungs. He yelled out, but couldn’t breathe as well, so he just lay still for a moment.

The final child, this one bigger than the others, was a bit more of a challenge. But Quinn wasn’t going to let them win. They jumped as high as they could toward their foe, grabbing fistfuls of his medium length hair, and pulled until it came out in bloody clumps. With one final strike, they jammed their fist straight into his throat. He gagged once, before collapsing to the ground.

After a moment of collecting themselves, the children all ran in the opposite direction.

“I told you to leave me alone!” Quinn called after them, before collapsing once more.

Opening their eyes, Quinn noticed the sun had set. Fireflies lit up the air around them. The door still stood, waiting for them, like nothing had happened.

Standing up, they approached once more. The knob turned, but not by their hand, and was thrust open. The light on the other side was blinding for a moment, but Quinn shielded their eyes. As the intensity lessened, Quinn stood facing another version of themself.

The other Quinn held out their hand, almost welcoming them to join on the other side.

“What’s going on?” Quinn asked. “I thought it was finally over. Who are you?”

The copy said nothing. Just stood, smiling, with their hand out. Cautiously, Quinn took hold of their hand.

“Are you willing to sacrifice everything for those you love?” The copy asked, still not moving. “Nothing will ever be the same again, because of this.”

Quinn froze. Their eyes widened. Am I not able to return to my friends in the same capacity? What does this mean? How can I continue without Jordan? So many questions, but the only way to receive any answers would be to wake up.

“I’m willing to do anything I must for them,” Quinn stated. “Let me pass.”

The copy smiled even wider. “Of course.”

Quinn stepped through the door and vanished.

Jordan sat beside the hospital bed, holding the hand of her best friend. She couldn’t hold back any longer. She could feel James and Frey watching as she spoke, but it didn’t matter. They would have found out eventually.

“Remember that camping trip? The one where we went canoeing on the river?” Her voice wavered, but she pressed on. “You stood up when we hit the deepest part, grinning like an idiot. You threatened to tip us over unless I said three words to you. Do you remember them?”

She swallowed hard, her fingers tightening around Quinn’s hand. The warmth of their skin, however faint, was the only thing keeping her grounded.

“Don’t give up.” The words came out, barely a whisper.

She squeezed their hand again, as if willing them to wake up, to return to her. “I’m saying them to you now, because I need you to hear me. I miss you. I need you to come back.”

Her gaze flickered to James and Frey, searching for reassurance, permission—anything to tell her she wasn’t crossing a line.

But there was no taking this back.

She exhaled, steadying herself. “I always told myself that one day, I’d find the courage to tell you how I truly feel. And if you can hear me, even through this coma, I need you to know…” Her grip on their hand tightened. “I love you, Steph. With all my heart.”

“It’s Quinn,” they replied, through gritted teeth. Their voice was weak but came through in a hoarse croak.

Jordan blinked. “What? Did you say something?”

James placed a hand on her shoulder. “They are reintroducing themself to you,” he explained. “Their name...their true name, is Quinn Lysaght. We’re going to find some way to legally change it, but for now, it’s part of their social transition.”

Jordan looked from James to Quinn, tears streaming down her face. Quinn was now facing her, their face mirroring her own; tears welled up but refused to fall. Jordan jumped up and wanted to grab her friend with everything she had, but felt the need to restrain herself, since it was the first time in the last three months, they’d been able to move.

It was a long process, and an even longer road to recovery for Quinn. Physical therapy was the worst part for the first couple weeks, but with Jordan, James, and Frey each by their side, it was bearable.

Oliver and George visited a few times, but they all knew the friendship wasn’t meant to last. They had made other friends, so Quinn wasn't too upset about their departure from the social circle.

" The three words I wanted you to say," Quinn began when they were finally alone, "was 'I love you.' I guess it only took a car accident and a coma to hear them from you."

They placed their head on Jordan's shoulder.

"I always knew we were meant to be together. And I love you, too."

Jordan smirked. "I guess all it took for you to return, was to remember."

As the sun set on the horizon, they shared an intimate kiss.