New Pangean Shift

"As you can clearly see by studying the map of present-day continents before the Carboniferous-Jurassic period Pangea from 336-175 million BC, each land mass fits together like a perfectly assembled puzzle," I explained to the handful of students assembled in the cavernous auditorium.

"With a topographical map, we could see the coastal mountain ranges. When these large bodies of land are forced into each other, it causes the mountain rifts to form," I pulled a crumpled napkin out of my pocket to illustrate the point, "Think of each continent as a McDonald's napkin when you push both ends together. What happens? The center becomes a paper mountain surrounded by paper valleys on both sides, so you mostly find mountainous regions on the outer edges of continents. The width and height of these ranges indicate how often the continental plates have collided and with what force. Any questions?"

"But, Mr. Dooley, you aren't a formally educated geologist. How do you know that all of these volcanoes, earthquakes, and unique geological events we are experiencing now, are related to a major shift in the continental shelves?" the Marywood College News Now reporter scoffed.

"I earned something akin to a Master's Degree by observing our world for the last thirty years. With modern technology, anyone can learn by comparing present-day occurrences with historical natural events. Not to mention my Doctorate in Statistics, which helps me compile facts into orderly suppositions," I added carelessly, to watch her reaction.

"Oh, Mr., I mean, Dr. Dooley," the reporter from the school podcast, a bit embarrassed by her lack of research before the interview, replied lamely, "I apologize. I did not read that in your bio."

"I don't often use it when speaking about geological events. As you so wisely pointed out, my degree is not in geology, correct? Besides, with my name so similar to Doolittle, well, you get my point," I chuckled.

"But, the volcanoes in Iceland and Hawaii are so far apart. How do they count as a connected event?" another student offered.

"By themselves, they don't. However, when you add all the smaller earthquakes, temblors, sinkholes, and minor eruptions that are now going on around the globe with increasing regularity, they are no longer isolated incidents. They have become a pattern. Pattern changes indicate a major geological event. The last major change in patterns ended in 175 BC, after the break up of the Pangea Supercontinent."

"Isn't the Pangea Supercontinent just a theory?" she asked.

"Oh, you mean, like evolution or global warming? Why, yes. It is a widely held theory, based upon empirical evidence, unlike evolution or global warming," I laughed at her slackjawed expression. Oh, my, a scientist scoffing at these proven theories.

"May I ask why you chose the Delaware Water Gap area to present your theory on the "New Pangean Shift?" a young woman, with metal in her face and pink hair asked.

"Well, because this area is a perfect example of the evidence left by continental shift. Numerous waterfalls, cliffs, mountains, and a major river valley that runs the length of the Pocono Mountain Range. This area is also home to some of the best snowshoe trails on the East Coast. My favorites being at Kittatiny Ski Resort," I shared, conspiratorily.

"I don't understand what snowshoe trails have to do with your theory, Dr. Doolittle," she burbled, confused.

"Oh, they have nothing to do with it. But, if I can get paid for a lecture while being put up in a luxurious, historical hotel with sumptuous meals included and enjoy one of my favorite sports for free, count me in!"

"I guess that concludes our interview with Dr. Doolittle and his theory on the New Pangean Shift. This is Jordan Shamash, from Marywood College and the News Now Podcast."

The little mice gathered their backpacks and scurried away from me as if I might infect them with doubts about global warming. Goodness, we can't have that. I couldn't wait to return to my cozy room at the Fauchere, in Milford, Pennsylvania. The blizzard would make the trip from Scranton miserable, as the Pennsylvania DOT seemed equipped with Tonka Trucks, instead of real snow plows.

Perhaps one of these students would stop relying on spoon-fed information from professors and do their own research. Hopefully, my lectures would spur them onward and upward, I thought, gathering my own backpack and heading out into the blinding blizzard for my torturous drive to the liberal and wild mecca of Milford, PA.