I, Willhelm

It felt hopeful again. Alice woke up exhausted down to her bones as usual, but her soul felt better; less lonely. Once her husband left, Alice fed the baby while the robot cleaned, humming as she did so. This day was going to be ok — she had decided — with the robot there to help, it didn’t feel all so impossible. She liked this robot. It was kind, and maybe it was all just programming, but even the illusion of kindness was all she needed to feel a little hope.

The baby settled easily, which surprised her, but she wasn’t about to question it. As soon as it had been laid down in it’s cot the robot was waiting for her in the living room with a warm tea and three biscuits next to it.

“Do you need me to do anything else?”

Alice stared at the drink rubbed her eyes dry. “No, thank you.”

“No need to thank me, it’s what I’m here for.”

“That doesn’t always follow.” Alice whispered to herself and carefully sat down on the couch, her hips at an angle to avoid sitting normally.

“What do you mean?” The robot asked.

Alice stared at it, a far away look on her face while she thought. “These conversations are all recorded aren’t they?”

The robot started to nod, and then stopped to shake it’s head. “I can disable the camera and audio if you would like?”

Alice thought again for a few moments and nodded.

“Features disabled. What did you mean by, it doesn’t always follow?”

“I mean that when I married my husband I knew he would be a great father, and he is. He loves our little one so much. But I never thought he would be a terrible husband. If I could go back in time, I don’t think I would marry him again.” Alice whispered the last part of the sentence, as though she couldn’t quite believe that she had said it out loud. She shook her head, finished her tea and stood up slowly.

“Right, enough whinging. I want to fix something. Can you bring me the tool box in the coat cupboard?”

The robot nodded and walked away, returning a few minutes late with a small tool box.

Over the next few hours the flat pack cabinet which had sat in it’s box for the last few months was put together and mounted. Several times Alice had to stop or ask the robot to help anything which required lifting, but even when she winced, she found herself able to smile. She had no doubt her body would pay for it, but the joy it was giving her was more than worth it.

“Do you need to rest?”

“No. No. This is wonderful.” Alice beamed. “I feel useful again.”

That evening Alice was almost bouncing with excitement. The dinner was cooked, she felt alive, and she was so excited to show how nice the new cabinet looked. Finally there was a place for the tea, mugs and sugar. It was very basic, the shelves inside made from a few spare floorboards that had been found in the coat cupboard when they moved in, but it was better than nothing. Something had been made, she had been useful and life felt so much brighter.

“Hello!” Alice smiled at her husband as he walked in, a large smile that lit up her whole face.

Her husband nodded, a little confused by her unusual mood and leaned in for a kiss.

“How was your day?” Alice asked.

“Long, I still have homework to do.”

“Oh” - Alice’s smile dropped a little but didn’t disappear. “Well, I have a coffee ready for you. Once you’ve had it can I show you something?”

He nodded and looked over to the cabinet Alice was pointing to.

“Tada!” Alice grinned. “It’s up!”

“Oh, ok. What’s that?” He opened the cupboard and looked at the shelves, one of them ever so slightly not perfectly level.

“The shelves. I used the spare boards we had in the cupboard.”

“Why don’t they touch the side of the cupboard?”

“My hands were shaking a little while I was cutting them. They still work just fine.” Alice’s voice got quieter, her excitement visibly decreasing. Please don’t, don’t pick this apart. There’s nothing wrong with it. It works.

“Ugh, I should have done it myself.” He mumbled, running his finger over the rough edge on the shelf/

Alice’s face crumbled.

Almost on cue, the baby began to whine.

“Shuush!” Alice turned and yelled. “Just shush! You’re fine!”

“Alice!? Don’t scream at him!” Alice’s husband yelled back. “He didn’t do anything wrong!”

“I just need him to stop, constantly crying!” Alice begged. “It’s constant!”

“Alice, do you hear yourself? I wonder if you even love him sometimes when you talk like that?!”

The robot heard Alice’s heart stop. She stared at him, mouth open, stunned, before her heart pounded furiously, blood rushing to her chest with such intensity that she felt as though her heart might burst from her body to punch him.

“What did you say?” Aggression and distain dripped from her voice.

“You’re so mean to him! The way you talk to him, sometimes…I really think you hate him.”

Alice’s stuttered, too angry to form words at first.

“Darling” — She growled — “I have been up every night since he was born. I haven’t had a full four hours uninterrupted sleep since he was born! I am tired! I can’t sit down without bleeding still. I’m trying to fix this broken bloody house, heal, run everything, and work from home! I am e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d! I’m sorry if I am snappy, I’ll try not to do that, but I’m so tired my bones feel like they’re made of straws!”

“So am I!” He replied defensively. “I’m a teacher and I’m on my feet all day. My job is hard too”—

“FUCK YOUR JOB!” Alice suddenly roared “I don’t care about your fucking martyr-complex of a job! I didn’t care that you’re a teacher and that apparently means that I get to be the absolute bottom of the list every time! Yes, your job is hard. That doesn’t mean that you get to treat me like the fucking maid-nanny! You married me! You promised to love me, you can’t even say well done when I’ve put a cupboard up!”

“My job pays our mortgage!”

“And my job meant we had savings to even get to have the mortgage. You didn’t have any savings! I did! I’m the one who saved up the money, and I'm lost my job to have your baby! You don’t get to act like I’m an inconvenience when everything you have is because of me!” Alice roared, panting in-between breaths. “I don’t mind not getting sleep! Or bleeding every time I have to take a shit! Or not having a house with fucking heating because we can’t to turn it on! I’m fine with that! I’m willing to live with it. But what I cannot live…with is a husband who treats me like an inconvenience and can’t even look at a fucking cupboard without picking it apart! All I need” — Alice paused, panting so badly that the air was catching in her throat — “Is for you to just be. fucking. kind. to me! Is that really so hard?! To. Just. Be. Kind!”

Alice began to scream. No words. Just screaming. Once she started she found she couldn’t stop and kept screaming, her throat hurting and cracking, but unable to stop the outpouring of rage and grief that she felt. Her husband stood back, too stunned to say anything.

Just as suddenly as it started she stoped. She looked at him, turned without and word and walked into the garden, closing the door quietly behind her.