How writing and becoming a creator changed my life

I was thinking naturally in the shower this morning, where we all get our best ideas, right? Well, at least I do. They pop up, and it’s always a great brilliant idea, and sometimes I remember it, and sometimes I forget it.

Well, today I remembered (hint) it’s this article. I did forget until I saw my page open blank, and I had to remember what I was going to do before I got distracted by another project I was working on.

I am currently trying to juggle, and it is tough to keep up; luckily, my new theory is just to do.

This led to my thought process of writing and creating content, which changed my life.

First, I need a trip down memory lane, maybe 2015 ish, I don’t remember. All I remember is the desire and want to create online.

However, it had to be perfect, the right idea, style, and aesthetic, and everyone had to approve of what I was doing. Plus, I had no real push; I had a cush job, was in a relationship, and lived in a beautiful house.

Except inside, my brain was in turmoil. My outside did not reflect my inner world until I went and let loose with cocktails with the girls. I would end up crying at the end of the night because I was unhappy.

Even when I broke up with my then-boyfriend, my family said, we had no idea you were unhappy; when I quit my job, we had no idea you were unhappy.

I am (was) good at hiding all my feelings.

Wear a smile, and you can fool anyone.

And those who questioned my being were not friends for long, the ones who saw through me. I kept them where they belonged, out of my life. Slowly, my world started to crumble; I could not hide and went into robotic mode until I started working with a woman who saved my life.

Long story short, she helped me follow what I wanted to do with my life; she showed me that there is another way. It is how you want to live your life, instead of someone else telling you how to live, following your intuition and desires, which have led me here.

When I desperately sought a way out, I worried about what everyone thought of me. It was not until I had removed all my shells and masks that I knew that if I could tell everyone how I wanted to live my life, it would only be my business, so why not start sharing it?

In turn, it got rid of all my perfectionist qualities. The need for everything to be perfect has even affected my personal life to the point that I stopped wearing makeup about a year ago. I occasionally put on a tinted cream, but before, I could never leave the house without a face of makeup.

I do my daily skin care without makeup, and my face looks healthier than ever, which has transitioned to my online presence. I no longer wear makeup to make YouTube videos; I no longer censor my entire life.

Writing and creating have brought so much joy to my life that until this morning, I did not realize that putting myself out there and not caring what anyone thought of me has filled my soul.

It has made me realize that even if I do not have the answers or am not the best writer, I am good enough just by being. I am good enough because I no longer let fear hold me back; I am not afraid of people criticizing my work; trust me, they do.

I no longer check comments on my NB account because they are awful. The solution I create and how it makes someone feel is not my problem.

I am not a trained writer; I did not study at university. Yet, I put myself out there and do what I enjoy. I write what I enjoy, film what I enjoy, and am me. I am being a human.

We are not perfect; I have started a blog on WordPress. Something that I have started in the past, I have had about 10. I quit because it was too hard, and thought it was the wrong name, time, or anything.

Now, I am following a course and putting out content; it is awful, but to be good at something, I must first be bad at it.

I am still learning, but the first step I made two years ago to not quit at something has changed my life in both my online world and in person.

How I show up: I leave if I don’t like something. I have gained confidence, which also comes with traveling solo, but I have been traveling solo for five years, and this year has been the best.

And I think it is because I am not afraid of what others think or say to me in person or online. It has allowed me to put myself out there and think, if it doesn’t work, I will rework it and figure it out because it is all figuroutable after all.

Instead of quitting my blog because it’s too hard, I keep with the course and do what it says, even if I hate my blog and want to change it all. I am taking imperfect action because I am not perfect and no longer trying to be perfect or someone I am not.

That was the old me.

Perfection is an overrated false identity that I am sure someone made up to keep us feeling like shit 24/7; I will say it was the king of propaganda, Edward Louis Bernays.

Who did more harm than good, if you ask me?

Anyway, writing and creating content online has made me realize that even though it’s not perfect, it is good enough even though I am not perfect.

I no longer allow analysis paralysis, and the fear of judgment holds me back. Judge me if you will; I will continue to move on, the ugly, messy mess that I am slowly improving, poco a poco.

XOXO

S

What is one thing that has changed your life for the better?

I left a career that drained the life out of me.