Chapter One Done.

I finished my first chapter of my new book. I started it last week and finished it today, so I think this is my goal. To write at least two chapters a week, and posting them here one by one, and if I feel like throwing an essay or a poem or something in there from time to time, I can. I am my own boss and I make the rules. I also don’t know what this book will be titled and don’t think it will come to me until I get further into it, so Chapter One will have to do.

This is not edited, and is just the first draft- I can’t fully edit until I have more to edit, but this feels pretty cool. Just another step towards my ultimate goals. Also, I applied for a few grants and am setting up some crowdfunding accounts so wish me luck on those endeavors. For now, here is the rest of Chapter One:

Linus

April 23, 2023

Today I woke up and it was different. I’m just a dog, so there are some things I don’t understand, but I know when something is different. I can either smell, or taste, or feel the difference. And today something on my inside felt not normal anymore. It is not a bad feeling, and it doesn’t hurt but I know. This is how I know I am not a puppy anymore. When you are a dog, you are either Puppy for a lot of many years or Old. So, I think this means I am Old now.

Anyways and Mom keeps saying I’m her sweet old man. I know “old” means I can’t play fribee anymore with Dad even though I want to. I know “old” means sometimes it is hard to lay down on my bed or sometimes to stand up. This has been going on for a long time, and some days I have an easier time, and sometimes it is too hard, so I just sleep a little longer. One time the stairs were really slippery, and I got stuck so Mom had to hold my back legs to help. She tells me, “I’ll do anything for you, Buddy.” She has a lot of names for me. Linus is my real name but I think sometimes she forgets because she says, “Buddy.” “Bubs.” “Bubba.” “Mister.” “Handsome Boy.” “Good Boy.” “Mister Linus.” “Rafiki.” “Old Man.” But I know they are all my names because of the way she says them because her words are warm and her eyes get sparkles like when we go to the water and the sun sparkles on the waves that crash and then chase me. When she calls me Old Man though, sometimes her eyes leak and I can smell the tears and they smell warm-sad. She calls me Bubs the most though. I like that name. It sounds like Happy.

In the morningtime Mom comes to find me and sometimes I sleep in the bathroom where I am closer to her and can watch her door, and sometimes I sleep by the window to make sure the house is safe while my people sleep. Sometimes I sleep in the place they call my “Box.” They say, “Go to your Box.” And I know this means the place with the black lines made of metal and has a roof that feels like a den and has my snuggliest blanket and pillow and sometimes snacks. I like my box. It feels like Safe. So I sleep in many places. When I was first in this body and she was first my Mom, I would sleep next to her in bed and she would hold me really close and then I got too big and Independent so I would sleep at the bottom of the bed and then one day I went to my own bed on the ground and I like this bed too because it is special just for me.

When she comes to find me, I can hear her go sneak-sneak-sneak. She doesn’t think I can hear her because she is so quiet, and I know she doesn’t want to wake me up, but if she looked very very closely, she could see that my ear twitched just a tiny little bit. Sometimes she sneaks up on me so much I jump and bark real loud to let her know I wasn’t sleeping and I was on protect-duty the whole time. At least that’s what I want her to think so she doesn’t know I can’t hear as well as I used to when I was Puppy. Anyway, she always tells me “Good job being such a good Protector,” so I think I am tricking her still. I just want her to think I will keep her safe for as long as I am Dog because she gives me a lot of snacks and so that is how I say, “Thank you.” She also gives me lots of pets. Mostly on my head and in between my ears because I don’t like belly rubs or butt scratches like other dogs, but I don’t know why. But she gives good head rubs and I wiggle my nose closer to her and I close my eyes and I melt a little bit into her.

It’s really special in the morning time when no one else is awake and it is just us. Like when I was new. What she does is, she finds me and she sneak-sneaks and she gets down on the ground with me. I know it is her because of her smell but also the way her knee goes “crack!” when she gets low and then that is when I open my eyes. When she lays down next to me, I don’t have to do anything. This is nice. I don’t have to lift my head or make my body get out of bed or get uncomfortable because she just comes to me. When she is low, she talks to me with her eyes. Sometimes I understand and sometimes I try but don’t know for sure, but she puts her hand on my head and with her thumb she rubs the spot in between my eyes but a little bit higher, where it swoops, and then sometimes she moves her hand and now rubs the side of my face right below my eyes. I know by how she does this that she loves me.

I don’t know if you know this, but dogs know what love is. It is not just for humans. I try to say it with my words but it just sounds like “BORK”, so I try to show like, when the little tip of my tail goes back and forth. When my whole tail goes back and forth it is because I am excited but when it is just a little it is because I am trying so hard to control my body to just wag the tip so you know it is a secret message just for you and that message is Love. Also, sometimes when I lick your face. Or when I go to sleep by my humans’ feet. Or if I bring you a toy or if you throw the stick and you can’t find it, I will go find it and bring it back to you because Love. When my people feel sad – and I know sad is when the people smell like the color blue – and I come over and put my head under their hand it is also because Love. Love is also why I try not to let my humans know I am more tired or if my belly doesn’t feel good because I don’t want them to worry, so I do my best to act like Puppy when I can.

So this morning, when I woke up and knew I was different inside, I didn’t let mom know. When she came to find me and I heard her knee go CRACK and she rubbed my head and said “Good Morning Mr. Bubba,” I flicked my tail a little bit and I stretched and I pushed my body up from my bed with all my might and I tried not to make noises like it was hard so she wouldn’t worry. I know that after she says these words, she goes into the room called Kitchen with all the snacks and she makes a drink called Coffee. I know this because she says, “Let’s go make Coffee.” It took me lots of years to know Coffee was a drink and not time to play but now I understand. When the Coffee is being made, then she goes to the bathroom and I follow her, but I am not ready to go to the bathroom yet. Maybe in like one hour. Then when Coffee is ready, she makes two cups and this is my second favorite part of the morning: together, we go and wake up my Big Guy.

Subscribe to follow along as I write this book in real time. What an adventure. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m doing it.