Ben Boa Episode 5: Where Is the Chicken in My Chinese Food?

Last Episode Ben got his long-awaited date with Tina and is now absolutely smitten by her looks, charm and knowledge of compliance….

You can catch up on this episode here:

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"I can’t believe you actually got a date with Tina,” said Ernie as he rode the train to work with Ben.

“Face it,” says Ben, “I got the magic!”

“Oh shut up, Ben, now you are just making me sick. You sales guys are so full of yourselves,” comments Ernie.

“Anyway, where is the lovely Tina? I thought you had turned your life around after your date with Tina. You really screwed up what I told you," Ernie says, getting a bit heated.

“Yeah, well, she thought I was cute, gave me a kiss and wanted another date, and maybe you didn’t explain it very well. For your information, Tina is in China for two months doing an audit.”

"Oh, I see! So Tina had to run away to China to get away from you; she must really have the ‘hots’ for you. I am surprised you haven’t booked annual leave to go on a trip to the Forbidden City or the Great Wall or something?” replies Ernie, stirring up Ben.

“Hey, don’t knock it, Ernie. You should be on my side! Speaking of that, I need some more advice, Buddy,” Ben says, trying to win over his friend.

“Let me turn on my tape recorder, Benny boy - you need more advice from me? What is it this time - another 10 second lesson in compliance?”

"No, I have Tina for that now. She can teach me over dinner and a bottle of wine. Who knows, maybe I’ll learn better with our heads on a pillow,” Ben replies. He starts to daydream about his next date with Tina in one month, three weeks, and two days.

"Wow, Ben! You charming guy. Who could resist dinner, wine, and a lively talk about compliance?" mocked Ernie. “Are you going to tell me what pearls of wisdom you need, Grasshopper?”

“I am thinking of leaving Fartbender Pharmaceuticals and going to Laxo Smut Klump. What do you think?”

“You never cease to amaze me, Ben. You would leave Fartbender for Laxo because of a girl you have met once and who ran away to China to get away from you?”

“No, stupid,” snaps Ben, “I am ready for a change, and it is not because of Tina, well, not totally - some of it might be. OK - most of it. I don’t know… it seems like an opportunity.”

"Why would Laxo want a sales rep from a company that focuses on rectal products for constipation, piles, and hemorrhoids, plus some extras like rectal thermometers?" inquires Ernie. “By the way, did I ever tell you the joke about rectal thermometers?”

“No, and you’re not going to now! So you think I should apply?”

“Yes, Ben, I think you should,” says Ernie, really only trying to shut Ben up.

“What have you got to lose? You might get the job, get the girl, and learn a whole lot on the way. Take every opportunity, my friend!”

“Besides, I bet you ten bucks, no twenty bucks, you don't even get an interview. It will be like taking candy from a baby.”

Ben had not had a salary increase in two years. Last year, his team exceeded the budget by 10%. They had only one trip, a dinner at the zoo. In contrast, other pharma companies went to fancy resorts. He needed a change.

[Four days later...]

Ben had spent time reviewing all the Codes of Conduct that Laxo Smut Klump had on their website. It was all a bit daunting for poor young Ben. There seemed to be a Code for this and a Code for that.

He had enough trouble working out the code to get into the office; how was he going to cope?

He spotted Ernie sauntering along to get the train. “Ernie!” he yelled out. Ernie stopped and turned around.

“I’m doing it,” said Ben emphatically.

"What is that exactly, Ben!? What is it you are doing?”

“I am going to apply for another job, Ernie. Remember we talked about it a few days ago? I have had enough of Fartbender; Laxo Smut Klump - here I come,” he said enthusiastically.

Ernie chuckled to himself. "OK. I’ll put that twenty bucks into my spending money budget. Come on, I’ll buy you a coffee. Have you heard from Tina yet?”

“No,” said Ben, “but that is another story. I don’t know why she has not written to me.”

For the next half an hour, Ben talked Ernie’s ear off about this and that to do with his new opportunity.

Ernie listened patiently and finally decided that something must be said.

“Ben, you don’t know the first thing about compliance or ethics. I hope you didn’t stretch the truth too far in your application - remember that you are applying for a sales job! They have bullshit detectors at companies of that size.”

“Look, Ernie, they have codes for everything. You don’t have to know anything; you just look it up.”

Ben starts to feel himself losing this war of words. “Well, they want me for my sales skills, not my compliance skills. That is to win the fair heart of Tina!”

“You're hopeless, mate. You’ve got more chance of selling ice to the Eskimos than you have of getting a job at Laxo. I wish you luck anyway. We are still going to be mates, right? Which reminds me, are we still going to have a couple of beers after work tomorrow?”

“No worries, I’ll see you at 6:00, Mr. Numbers.”

“Hey, easy there, Gordon Gecko, and I mean the lizard, not the man,” says Ernie, having the last word.

To be continued…

Does Ben get the job?

What has happened to the lovely Tina?

Is Ben’s next vacation to the land of rice and shark fin soup?

All will be revealed in Part II of Ben Boa.

Till next time,

Calvin