Ben Boa – Episode 3: What a Quality Dinner

This is Part 3 of Ben Boa. Part 2, "Ben's Big Date," can be found here if you missed it. Part 1 is also referenced in Part 2.

In Part 2, Ben was preparing himself for his date with Tina Goodytwoshoes by trying to get some tips from his master, Ernie. Now the big night has come.

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Ben is in a state of panic; the big day has arrived. He can’t understand what it is about this girl that has got him so wound up. “She is only a girl," he says to himself. "Yeah, but a quality girl. She is so damn hot, though, I can forgive the quality bit," he rationalises.

He has quality sayings running around in his head – ‘Quality is what you do when no one is looking’, ‘Compliance is a way of life'. “No idiot!” he says to himself, the wrong way around. What am I going to do?

I’ll write it on my sleeve; that way, I won’t get them mixed up, and she will never know.

He gets to the restaurant, finds his table, and sits down. “I need a drink," he says to himself. “What if she doesn’t drink?” he asks himself; better to have one before she arrives. “Do I have time?”

Luckily, Tina Goodytwoshoes has not yet arrived. Ben suddenly realizes he should have offered to pick her up; “What a mistake that was," he thinks to himself. She will think he is some sort of Australian bogan. “Hang on, I am an Australian bogan; footy, beer, meat pies, and tomato sauce; that’s me!”

He bumbles around, trying to rearrange the table and make sense of the many knives and forks. How many knives and forks do you need? he questions. While doing so, he spills beer all over his suit and shirt sleeve.

Yep! You guessed it. His notes about quality and compliance started to bleed into one another, becoming unrecognisable.

He breaks into a cold sweat as the door opens and Miss Goodytwoshoes walks in. He instantly recognises her from the train, but oh boy! She looks so much better without the coffee stain all down her front.

"These Quality people are impressive! I had no idea what I was missing," he thinks, grinning to himself. “Quality is a way of life. “Compliance is something you do when no one is looking. Got it.” Or so he thinks.

Ben looks at his shirt sleeve now that he has taken off his jacket: a patchwork of white with smears of black ink. “Great,” he mumbles to himself. Ben has a mental blank.

“Hi Tina, you look great,” says Ben, trying to hide his total admiration.

"Hi Ben. What happened to your shirt?”

"Oh, little accident, it will be fine.”

“I need a drink; I had a terrible trip here,” says Tina.

Ben thinks, “I like the girl already.” He quickly orders two glasses of Chardonnay, trying to look sophisticated.  Ben actually hates wine, but on this occasion, he is prepared to suffer it for the sake of a good cause.

They get into a discussion about the horror trip Tina had while driving to the restaurant. “And all because people can’t respect each other," she finishes off. “I just don’t understand it.”

“I know what you mean,” says Ben, who actually had no idea what Tina had just said. He was too intent on getting to the next stage!

“So, you work in Quality and Compliance?" he innocently asks.

“Yes,” replies Tina.

“What’s your favourite Quality saying?" says Ben, cutting to the chase. He is ready to move forward.

“Gee, that is hard,” says Tina. Not as hard as it is for me, thinks Ben.

“I think one of them would have to be ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you’ve always got."

Ben is sure he went cross-eyed! “What the…,” he thought to himself. “I may only be in Sales, but I have no idea what she means. I have to counterattack."

“Mine would be Quality is something I only do when someone is watching."

Tina laughs. Ben turns red, “What did I just say… Oh no, I screwed it up big time!” he says to himself.

“That sounds like a cross between quality and compliance," says Tina, still laughing. No shit, Sherlock, Ben thinks to himself.

“They don’t even teach us that one at Laxo Smut Klump, you are too funny!" Ben hopes the table will swallow him up. How is he going to dig himself out of this hole?

Till next time,

Calvin

(Stay tuned for the next episode – “How big is your shovel – Benny Boy?”)