Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind: The Book That Saved Me From Myself

Life at 22 was a rollercoaster with no brakes. Despite appearances, I’ve always fancied myself a bit of a thrill-seeker, but even for me, things just got too chaotic. Penniless, working three jobs for peanuts, and putting myself through college was topped with the cherry of coping with the betrayal of my family. My stepfather pulled the rug from under me, draining my life savings and taking my car (all things I worked for). Turns out when you remove a narcissist’s supply and begin asserting your independence, they don’t like that very much.

I needed the brakes. If I’m honest, I wanted to get off the ride. But when I was at my lowest, I found solace where I would always seek it as a child: books.

My philosophy of religion course provided no shortage of them. My professor had a lovely habit of assigning at least one per week, including an essay. A chore for most, but a joy for me. I found a small book that ushered in big changes: Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind.

"The true purpose [of Zen] is to see things as they are, to observe things as they are, and to let everything go as it goes."

This humble introduction to Zen came, as most things do, I would learn, at the perfect time: now. It is the only moment that there is, was, and will ever be. But my complex emotions took some time to grasp this concept, and it still struggles on the regular. That is the thing about Zen in general. It seems so simple, and it is, but humans just love to make things complicated. We find ourselves caught up in our expectations of how things have gone, or may go in the future, so much so that we miss the present as it is happening. We tend to hold tightly to our expectations of how we think things should be instead of just being.

As I navigated through my estranged relationship with my family, this resonated deeply:

"Whatever you do, it should be an expression of the same deep activity. We should appreciate what we are doing. There is no preparation for something else."

I was constantly in a state of preparing for the next disaster. But this koan helped me see that each activity, no matter how mundane, was an opportunity for Zen practice, for life itself.

"When you bow, you should just bow; when you sit, you should just sit; when you eat, you should just eat."

This simple but transformative concept allowed me to appreciate the moment, not as a bridge to some future happiness but as an end in itself.

In a tumultuous external world, the teachings in Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind taught me to cultivate an unshakeable internal peace. It urged me to focus on the power I have to change myself. I may not control what happens around me, but I can control how I react to it.

I thought this book had served its purpose, helping me survive one of the most challenging periods of my life. But life always finds a way to test us further. Years later, I found myself moving to a country where I didn't speak the language. Isolation settled in like an unwelcome guest. But I recalled Suzuki’s wisdom:

"If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything."

This koan became my mantra. It helped me face the language barrier as just another challenge, not an insurmountable wall. When my stepdad was diagnosed with cancer, and eventually passed away, my entire world seemed to crumble. I dedicated myself to being there for my family during that trying time, appreciating each moment we had left. And then, the tables turned. My mother, who had been part of the painful past, found herself in financial ruin. Although she hadn't been there for me during those years, the Zen philosophy guided me to be there for her.

"To love someone is to have the willingness to accept them completely, as they are."

Today, I find myself supporting her unconditionally, not because she did the same for me, but because my peace comes from my actions, not hers.

Today, despite the chaos, I find a stillness within myself that no one can rob. I've forgiven my family not because they necessarily deserve forgiveness, but because I deserve peace. And that change within has been the most liberating experience of all.

If you're at a crossroads, feeling lost or overwhelmed, pick up this book. Sometimes, salvation lies in simplicity. And sometimes, a beginner’s mind is all you need to start anew.