4 Healing Reads for the CPTSD Mind

In the three years that have passed since escaping my violent abuser, I’ve actively sought out any resources possible in order to recover and heal from the hell he put me through.

This has been no easy feat considering the financial manipulation I endured, as well as the steep costs associated with breaking away from domestic violence.

These barriers left tools like therapy, steady work, a safe home, and other resources far out of reach.

Insufficient research into CPTSD and its impact on abuse victims, especially women, has also served as a significant obstacle to my understanding and healing.

But have we ever let that stop us?

Not today.

Dismissal of Women’s Trauma

While the stereotypical picture society has painted of a person with PTSD and related trauma disorders is a male military veteran, in reality the condition is far more prevalent among women (10–12% vs. 4–5% for men):

This disparity is in part due to the fact that women and men experience different types of trauma and at different times in their lives, according to the study. Women, for example, are typically exposed to more interpersonal and high-impact trauma, such as sexual assault, than men, and at a younger age. Sexual assault carries one of the highest risks for PTSD, according to research. — APA

Throughout history, women’s health conditions and experiences have been invalidated, dismissed, and pathologized by men in power. Considering the fact that trauma in women tends to be caused by men, and that men typically fill higher positions in male-dominated fields like science and empirical research, it makes sense that there wouldn’t be a lot of motivation to study this trend.

Happy Women’s History Month. Thanks a bunch, patriarchy.

Intersectional Considerations

With this in mind, it should come as no surprise to learn that there are also disparities among other systemically disadvantaged groups, such as diverse racial/ethnic groups and queer-identifying groups (raises hand pansexually).

These populations are chronically more likely to experience trauma, while also encountering more obstacles to receiving proper care. This lack of validation and prioritization is highly disappointing, but unfortunately not shocking in our ‘straight-white-male-as-baseline’ society.

Embarking on a Literary Education

As a lifelong avid reader, whenever I’ve had questions in my life, I’ve turned to reading and research for the answers.

Ever on-brand, I began devouring every book, training, memoir, and peer-reviewed research article I could find on the topics of trauma, CPTSD, and the health and societal advancement of underserved populations.

While scientific research in these areas was sorely lacking, what I have found in abundance were intersectional perspectives of countless others who share experiences of trauma; survivors who have bravely spoken out in the name of societal change despite the substantial risks.

This has resulted in an inspiring bank of resources I’ve begun lovingly referring to as my Trauma Recovery Book Club. My goal is to spread awareness of stories and research which has aided me on my continued path toward recovery. I hope to continue expanding this collection and sharing with others in my situation.

It’s become my goal to use what I’ve learned to advocate for and support others who are struggling as a result of their trauma. I hope to not only add my own voice to the chorus of those speaking out against oppression, but to help others in similar circumstances to find safety, healing, and a sense of community.

Trauma Recovery Book Club

Included below are four of the many recommendations I’ve found to be helpful on this journey toward social justice, health equity, and a better understanding of my condition.

The recommendations in this article contain affiliate links. This just means if you click a link and decide to make a purchase, I’ll earn a few extra pennies to support my research habit (and do an elaborate, celebratory dance around my apartment just for you).

My promise to you is that I’ll only ever recommend books and resources I truly believe in and have found beneficial in my healing journey. Happy reading!

1. The Pleasure is All Yours — Rachel Allyn, PhD

What if you let your body be of service to you — To regulate? To heal? To enjoy? To be kind?

When I broke free from my five-year abusive relationship, I struggled to reconnect with my body’s sensations. Dissociation had been my coping mechanism during the abuse, shielding me from the trauma but also numbing my senses. It left me feeling reactive and helpless.

This read was a lifeline. It helped me ground myself, reawaken dulled sensations, and rediscover the pleasure of living and trusting fully.

That’s not to say that I don’t still struggle with feeling present in my body, but being able to recognize that feeling and understand that I can come back to myself is everything.

2. Being Mortal — Atul Gawande

We think our job is to ensure health and survival. But really it is larger than that. It is to enable well-being. And well-being is about the reasons one wishes to be alive. Those reasons matter not just at the end of life, or when debility comes, but all along the way.

In this read, we follow Gawande, a practicing surgeon, as he shares perspectives on our current death practices. His focus is on not just extending life through medicine, but on providing compassionate care and increasing quality of life.

This book was gifted to me by a friend and fellow survivor who knows how passionate I am about death care and the Death Positive Movement. This interest was inspired by my period of abuse, a time I was often forced to consider and face the realities of my own mortality. Learning more about the concept of death, and our discomfort around the subject, has helped me gain perspective in my journey toward healing and living a more fulfilling life.

3. The Woman They Could Not Silence: One Woman, Her Incredible Fight for Freedom, and the Men Who Tried to Make Her Disappear — Kate Moore

And yes, they called her crazy. But if that’s crazy, we should stand back and admire. For just look at what ‘crazy’ can do.

This historical non-fiction book follows the wild but true story of Elizabeth Packard, mother of 6, as she’s deemed “hysterical” for her intelligence, independence, and unwillingness to submit to her husband’s demands. Threatened by her unyielding nature, her husband has her committed to an asylum in Illinois, where she spends years fighting for her freedom against a system who would rather turn their backs and pretend she didn’t exist.

I had the absolute pleasure of meeting author Kate Moore at a book signing for her book The Radium Girls, one of my favorite books of all time and one which will surely be featured at some point.

She was a true joy to speak with, and it’s no surprise: her writing shows astounding attention to historical accuracy and fact-checking while managing to be both fascinating and full of dramatic tension.

4. Adelaide: A Novel — Genevieve Wheeler

It was okay to go to hell and back, to carry every ounce of light and darkness inside of her. It was okay to love herself fiercely, a little selfishly, and with intention. It was all okay.

This fiction read broke me slowly. It explores the nuances and confusion that come with emotional abuse, loss, and manipulation. This toxicity can be difficult to spot, especially in an otherwise seemingly decent relationship, but can bring with it so much turmoil and distress that can break down mental health and even traumatize over time.

The author does a fantastic job of navigating the complexity that comes with disentangling from an emotional abuser, navigating grief, and the importance of having those tough conversations with our support network.

What Did I Miss?

As I’ve come to what I consider to be a place of relatively solid ground after years of turmoil, it’s my responsibility to begin sharing more impactful resources while continuing sharing my own story. I believe that by lifting one another up, we can make meaningful societal change one story at a time.

If you have any recommendations of resources on this subject, or thoughts on the reads above, I absolutely welcome them in the comments!

I’m Glad You’re Here

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