That hairy feeling

Day after day after day I wish I wish I wish my hair was longer, straighter, curlier, wavier, healthier yet I never put in the effort or love or patients my hair deserves and needs, to be exactly what I want it to be.

Cut cut cut, year after year, dye dye dye! Straighten, blow dry, KILL KILL KILL MY INSECURITIES ALONG WITH MY HAIR!

My poor hair has taken a beating in the 28 years it’s been growing out of my scalp, yet it still grows, but like a disobedient 7 year old defying all my wishes, longer! shinier! straighter! Softer! But alas! Like a sudden lightbulb flashing on, it’s taken me 28 years of abusing my hair to finally realise that if I just leave it alone it might, just might turn out the way I always wished!

Let me tell you a little bit about myself, I am insecure, shy, petrified of conflict and even more afraid of attention in all its forms. I look in the mirror and despise the person looking back at me, my mind picks out every blemish every flaw and my hair has copped most of the flack, you see in my mind my hair is the one thing I could manipulate and mould to how I felt it would serve me best, I have spent the last 28 years chopping, colouring, shaving, straightening and bleaching and essentially hiding behind my hair, my Mum reminds me all the time of how I would cut my hair in all types of crazy ways right from the age of 4 years old. The devistating bowl cut of ‘99 or the botched bangs of 2003, from blonde to black in 2008 then the black to blonde in 2009 and the horrible orange stage in between. You would think I’d learn from those hair horror stories but no, I am also stubborn and have little to no impulse control, from 2011 right up until last year I had every colour hair you could think of, bright red, green, purple, half a shaved head somewhere in there. I’m honestly not even sure what my natural hair colour is…

So this is my New Years resolution… in the year of 2022 I will not straighten, cut, colour, blow dry, or curl my hair, I will let it GROW GROW GROW in it’s natural form! And in the first two weeks of 2022 I have already noticed something amazing, I like my hair in it’s most natural untamed chaotic state! It’s me, it’s more me than the bright colours, the dramatic cuts, the half shaved head of 2018! And what’s even more amazing is I have come to realise that my New Years resolution of 2022 will be the one I keep. It’s easy to keep a resolution that is making you feel more like yourself. You see this resolution is not so much about leaving my hair alone, it’s a stepping stone to tackling my lack of impulse control and a huge leap in finding the love for myself I know I deserve, my hair journey will allow me to look in the mirror and love the person looking back, to accept myself in all my flaws and blemishes and even in my most chaotic states, my hair is me and i am chaotic, messy, shiny and most of all, just like my hair, I am resilient.

And I just want to kick myself for the 28 years it took me to realise this. 2022 is my year to shine, grow and be free, my hair just comes along for the ride.