Learning Curls

I like my hair. I do. That wasn't always the case though.

The Hustle

See, my dad is African-American- Philadelphia born and bred. My mom is Trinidadian- from San Fernando, specifically. You mix those two together and you . . . get a coily mess on the first child. More relaxed than my father's curls (and bigger), but definitely not the waves my mother's hair relaxed to in her adulthood. I can't tell you how perplexed I am every time I see photos of her as a baby with big ringlets that . . . she just seems to grow out of??? If there's one thing I haven't let go of, it's the envy I have over my mother's fast growing, healthy hair. Mine has never once reached those lengths, though it's my dear wish to make it happen one day.

When I was a child, there was no one who could tame my hair better than my mother. With a dark, pleasantly bristly brush, some water, Keracare, and hair gel, she was a damning opponent to my unruly curls. She eventually learned to braid as well, which I wasn't so fond of. A lot of Sunday nights in elementary school were spent gingerly laying my head on my arm, atop my pillow, to prevent any undue force pushing on those already tightly pulled box braids. God I hated those.

But I had no true complaints when my mother was doing my hair. She had Pantene, Keracare, Tresemme, the ever faithful L.A looks styling gel, and sometime during my teens she added Garnier Fructise. If my hair wasn't in a high ponytail that puffed up by 3 in the afternoon, then it was braided up until middle school . . . and then I discovered the amazing world of flat irons!

That's where the problems started.

The Struggle

A lazy eleven year-old kid was told that she'd only have to sit for an hour once a week and her hair would be good to go every day with just the run through of a brush?

Say less!

I was obsessed with straightening my hair. The way my hair went from a post-wash mass to a pin-straight sheet that lay against my scalp was magical to me. Having my mother wrap my hair and put a cap over it was a little bit of an adjustment (and futile as the stocking cap was inevitably rubbed off at some point in the night), but totally worth it to just brush it back to a reasonably straight style in two minutes and flounce off. Easy peasy. The compliments from school friends and seeing it lay straight to my shoulder blades was unlike anything else for me. We got really crazy in my sixth grade when I begged my mom to cut bangs for me. Did I care that those bangs never laid flat on my forehead, and always hovered about half an inch off the skin? Hell no.

I remained, blissfully shaking my straight hair off my shoulders, and blissfully unaware of the utter destruction I was wreaking upon my own head. Every, single, freaking week.

Until the summer before eight grade.

Being that I had nowhere to go, I wasn't often styling my hair and thus the flat iron was put away for the most part. Seeing my hair naturally again, it took me about two weeks to realize why my reflection didn't look quite right. My hair wasn't curly anymore. It waved monstrously, sure, but those S-curls and corkscrew ends I'd seen all my life were nowhere to be found. The scraggly strands at the front that had been my bangs for years had not ever grown back to their original lengths.

I'll never forget how . . . panicked I got at the thought of never having curly hair again. Before then, I had never regarded my hair as a source of great pride or something, you know? It was there, it grew out of my head, it was dark. That's all I had ever really given thought to it. Yet, standing in my aunt's kitchen, clutching the ultra fried strands as my mother's words rang in my ears, I felt- yeah, panic. Panic like forgetting a test was coming up and knowing you had all of the bus ride to school to cram for it. Panic like missing a step on the stairs. That panic catapulted me into a journey on caring for my hair by myself.

Which I really sucked at for the first few years.

I scoured through a few websites for taking care of curly hair, and went through a lot of seemingly nonsensical tips. I'll always cringe remembering the three months where I followed the advice of some forum I forgot, where they said to scrunch damp hair with gel to define and accentuate the curls. It took me longer than it should have to quickly grow tired of the crunchy consistency that made up my head. I had my hair up in messy buns nearly all the time at home, and for school I would either hold the mass back with a hair scarf, or tie it back in a very messy ponytail, cowlicks galore springing out all over my head. I endured about three years of my mother bemoaning the fact that I let myself walk out the house looking like "a wildebeest" because my hair no longer laid flat from gel I refused to use, and was almost always frizzy. I hadn't figured out yet how to successfully apply hair serums and lotions all throughout my hair yet so large patches usually ended up being very dry towards the middle and ends. For the life of me I wasn't very good at combing my hair daily either, and trying to tame the business end of a ponytail usually ended in frustrated tears. I didn't know what I was doing wrong (I hadn't discovered the trick of combing hair in the shower), when it seemed so easy for my mother, but I kept at it anyway. She wouldn't do my hair forever, despite all her disapproval at my various tries. She did usually help me though, when I had important events to get to like my senior breakfast, or birthday parties.

Overall, I became the wild-haired kid who saw her hair as the absolute worst thing about her. Happy as I was to regain my curls, I could hardly ever appreciate them as they became wild tangles and chaotic tumbles to my shoulders. I did like how wild it all felt though, like a lion's mane, and I enjoyed how much my mother hated seeing it so puffy. I wasn't concerned with how alarmingly dry it was because I saw no way to fix it easily that didn't cost me an arm and a leg in products, and just decided that it was the inescapable truth of my hair. I wouldn't know for a few years more that curly hair itself was just a very thirsty hair type that required daily care, and I think even if I had truly acknowledged that I was just too lazy to care about it.

So years through high school passed, with wild hair and one memorable cut to my shoulders because the middle had gotten so brittle and destroyed that there was no helping it. Eventually I made my four hour move to my new home for University, and once on my own with a job to aide my pockets . . . I started getting interested in really caring for my hair again.

I wasn't just skimming the surface anymore, I was really trying to learn about my hair and what others with hair like mine were doing. Suffice to say that the articles and forum boards were a hell of a lot more helpful years later than when I had just started trying. I bought a wet comb from Walmart, took to combing out my hair every shower I took, and covered it in the few little hair care products my mom had sent me up with . About a . . . year later? Yeah, a year later I discovered the hair care wonderland that is Sally's Beauty Supply Store. I think I may have gone a little crazy over the past few years, once getting my own place with a bathroom I didn't need to share, I was almost giddy trying different brands and products. I tried Cantu, Eden Bodyworks, Shea Moisturizer . . . actually those are the only ones I've tried, jeez. Some made my hair soft, some made it bouncy, and some good old fashioned coconut oil from the local grocery store made it all of the above AND shiny.

But they worked great! So, you know . . . great?

The Grind

I really do like my hair. I've gotten more confident in it. I've tried things with it, like: I learned hair chalk/spray is the devil. Coconut Oil (cold pressed, of course) is a creation sent from the heavens. Co-washes are nice. I've come to appreciate how curly hair never dries the same way twice, and that this is especially useful when you are learning how to trim your hair yourself because nobody notices any "mistakes" you make when they coil back up. I still want to find a way to prevent the humidity from shrinking my curls and preventing them from looking as pretty as they do post-shower and 90% dried.

I've cut my hair twice, the first being the most horrific to my parents, and this latest one being the shortest I've ever done, and I loved watching the hair stylists chop off all the length I desired. I want to dye my hair really badly, and am currently researching wigs to cover up the soon-to-be against regulation colors when I'm at work. I've tried loads more hairstyles now as an adult than I had ever tried as a fumbling teenager. I rock Leia buns like nobody's business.

I've gotten my routine down fairly well too! Wash days are once a week, with a shampoo, conditioner, and a deep conditioner I put a cap over for the rest of my shower where I rinse it out at the end. I apply my leave-in and an oil maybe wrapping my hair or maybe leaving it to air dry. When my hair is long enough, I pineapple it. This is the first time in my life my hair is short enough to make that a no-go but when it grows back it'll start up again.

On regular days my hair gets a comb-out in the shower, and leave-in or just plain coconut oil applied to the very damp strands. I make it a point to deliberately tousle my hair, because I swear that's when the best curls are made. Sometimes I'll add a hair lotion like the B.B Curl oil+gel, or the curl defining creme from a Shea line.

There are still things I could do to improve my hair. Some things I honestly don't do because . . . I just don't want to. For example, I am well aware that it would benefit me to wrap my hair before bed in a silk wrap or bonnet. I don't though because . . . I don't like to really? I never had great success wearing a cap as a kid when I flat ironed, and I know I move my head too much in sleep to make it work. Plus I just don't like my head feeling squeezed in any way whatsoever. I know I could combat that by buying a silk pillowcase too! But . . . I just don't want to? I don't know? I know I could really help my hair by learning myself how to braid but . . . french braids are really freaking hard. My best attempts are when I part my hair in two sections and just brad from ear to ends, tie it off and let it go. I only did that for a year when I had to wear a hat to work, and then I stopped. I do really want to learn though! French braids, dutch braids, fishtails, panama twists . . . one day. I know diet and exercise also help hair, not really sure about the specifics but if I draw the line at papaya. I absolutely do need to drink more water though.

I've got some hair care products I'll swear by though--

• Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil line (the leave-in is so luscious, it was the first product I'd ever used that really seemed to work 100% on my hair). The smell might remind you of play-doh at first?
• Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter line (specifically the deep conditioner, it's the best one I've used thus far and makes my hair so silky)
• Lush hot oil treatment "New". WHEW! When I say this thing is a treat for your scalp! It's going to be retired soon and I do plan on buying a few before they go, but if you can't grab any I do strongly suggest taking a look at the others. They are super easy to use and just such a nice, comforting, very moisturizing pre-shampoo treatment for your hair (unfortunately a lot of negative reviews for this product on the website, but it's one of those things that have a learning curve)
• Coconut Oil. Coconut Oil. COCONUT OIL. Does hella wonders for your skin too, Coco over here is AMBITIOUS.s