I cut all my hair off...

They say your hair is your crowning glory. I don't know who "they" are but I can see their point. If you don't notice a persons outfit of choice first, you've probaly been eyeballing their hair. And man do some people have such glorious, beautiful hair. Makes a person just a teeny bit jealous. Me. I'm that person. Not sorry.

Have you ever just wanted to start again? Make that big change, leap over the cliff and free fall into the unknown? Well, I'm NOT that daring. No way would you get me jumping off of cliffs but I can be daring with my appearance. I've never been afraid of that.

My hair and I have a major love/hate relationship. When I was little, it was long, beautiful and a lovely shade of blonde. Not strawberry blonde but it did look reddish at times. And let me tell you, the bees LOVED me in the sunshine because apparently they thought I was a flower. Thank you bees for making me feel special even if you terrified the pants off me! As a kid though, you don't understand or appreiciate your hair. The lack of care we have for it can be silly if not tragic when we look back on it. I was notorius for not brushing it so it would get tangled badly and then cut off as a lesson. Unfortuently in my adult life I still do that alot out of pure laziness. Then theres hair dye. I got into the bottles of magic colours at a young age because I didn't want to be blonde. Being the only blonde in the family felt strange, I really longed to be like my favourite Disney Princess Ariel and I did just that many years later.

As you can see, it's always long. After my teen years with the crazy rebellion of insane hairstyles like mohawks (a tribute to the amazing Brody Dalle of The Distillers.) over bleaching and excessive colouring I favoured my adulthood being known with long hair and more longer stints of colour while still experimenting. Shall we skip forward? You get the idea that my hair and I have been in a long battle of flair versus care.

Lockdown happened. Multiple times mind you and it made me realise that every product I have been trying over the years to improve my hair from the inside and out was just a way of ignoring the longing to start again. Shampoos and conditioners, sprays, vitamins. All just an excuse to keep my long hair and that feminene feeling. So I did the ultimate sacrifice. I cut it all off! I was intending to to the act at a hair dressers and do it properly (and I will go and perfect it when they reopen) but it felt so theraputic doing it myself. Liberating. A dead weight was lifted off my shoulders. Literally dead weight.

Now tell me that taking some clippers to your hair doesn't feel good? Scary as hell but ever so exciting at the same time. It may not be the smartest of choices to do yourself (and if you've never cut your own bangs at least once, I don't suggest start lopping all your hair off unless you are brave) but hair grows back and feeling good about yourself lasts forever. And that was just what this was for me. Wanting to feel good about myself again. Get my fierce back. I let myself fall down a hole of compliance and ignoring my feelings. Ignoring who I was and can be. I wanted that back.

When I brought up my final decision to lose the locks to my fiance he was concerned. He thought something had happened or I had some news that brought this on. We all know that alot of people cut their hair in some act of reaction to change, whether it's to shake that unwanted feeling off or feel like it hasn't happened and they are starting anew. That was a small reason for me but it was also my realisation that I just wanted to connect to the person I was when I was younger and more care free. Now I don't want to be that person again. She's a great memory but I have grown and changed. I've gained confidence, learned to speak my opinion more, take a stand with change, found love and am building a life. I'm starting a new chapter. Shaking that darkness and opening a door to the unknown. All while feeling fierce as hell.

Be brave. Live your truths. Forge that path only you can. Walk with your head held high and don't be afraid to tell be where to go when they tell you you can't do something. Because you can, you can do WHATEVER you want! It's your life and if you want to cut all your hair off. Go for it!

Oh and my fiance? He freakin loves my new look and has been super proud of me for living my life how I feel. He also really enjoys seeing my full face not hiding behind my hair. That or he just likes seeing all my facial reactions because I can no longer hide. And that feels good. I am liberated. I am fierce. I am me.