Another Girl with a Dragon Tattoo

It was 2019 when I was at my all-time low. I just got back home to Manila, Philippines after spending a whole year in Los Angeles, California. My girlfriend of four years and I broke up (and it was an ugly break up as well). My mom and I had a ridiculously huge fight about my sexuality, it tore our relationship like the ice caps in the Arctic, melting and can never be restored again. I was immensely depressed. The only time I would eat is whenever I was with my best friend (whom I owe a lot to, if it were not for here I would have lost my sh*t). My body was fueled by nothing but coffee, cigarettes, and alcohol. My nights were spent in a random stranger’s bed. My days were spent thinking about death. The only night I was in my own bedroom, I had a noose around my neck. My brother who I sparsely talk to, ringed me out of the blue right as I was about to kick the bucket as if he knew everything that was going on. A wake-up call (quite literally) that I needed so badly. I told myself right there and then, I will slowly pick myself up instead of withering into the dark abyss.

To drown the demons in my head, I flooded myself with words from books. I re-read my favorite books of all time, The Millennium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson. Cliché as it may seem, the first book – Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, is the inspiration for my tattoo. I was always drawn by Lisbeth’s tenacity and f*ck what the world thinks vibe (plus Rooney Mara looked really hot as Lisbeth). It paved the way to my journey of being okay. Lesser were the nights of me crying myself to sleep, as I would just keep on reading until I fell asleep. I started going out to socialize and have fun, not to get drunk and wasted. I started laughing again. My demons were calmer and my thoughts started to become clearer. When I felt like I was in an ‘okay’ headspace, I had then decided to move out to Australia, far from everyone, and start anew. In my last few months in Manila, I met the girl of my dreams. She’s very supportive, patient, and everything sugary and sweet wrapped in a fluffy bundle of love (bonus: she’s also hot and gorgeous). She helped me a lot in slowly loving myself again and seeing my self-worth.

Now that I am here Australia, Coronavirus happened. It feels like all my demons are slowly creeping up on me again, waiting for me to unlock the door for them. Being isolated, all alone in a foreign country, it had made me realize a lot of things that I wish I knew before. How important family is, keeping important people in your life, and focusing on things that matter most – you. Hence me getting the dragon tattoo. It being the first tattoo I got here in Australia, it is a very emotional one for me, and one of the most meaningful ones. I have around 15 tattoos all in all, but this was the most uncomfortable tattoo I have gotten so far, and to think that I have tattoos on my ribs and my dragon tattoo is on my shoulder. My dragon is a reminder of all the bullsh*t I went through. That I can also have the Tenacity of Lisbeth Salander. Even if I were a million miles away from everyone that I love and hold dear, I am not alone. I am loved. Everything will be okay. I will be okay.