These Songs Suck

I heard about this challenge when I read Lamar Wiggins entry- which I loved reading, and YOU can read here: https://vocal.media/beat/when-ears-implode

Forgive me but Vocal is not allowing me to share the link currently so you will have to copy and paste or look up Lamar Wiggins When Ears Implode

I knew I had to join in because there are some songs that cause me instant rage for no logical reason. They're just flat out fucking awful.

Without any hesitation, I know exactly how to start my list.

Picture it. Barstow Middle School, 2001-

Seventh grade Sara at the school dance. I'm dancing to a Destiny's Child song with a group of my girlfriends. We are having a blast. Suddenly, a new song starts. I run to the bathroom covering my ears. My friends chase me down.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"Are you okay?"

And then there's me, covering my ears humming as loud as possible to drown out this monstrosity.

This is not an exaggeration. I hate this song with a burning passion. Everything about it makes me want to smash a window. To this day, I have never fully listened to it. For this challenge, I got exactly 28 seconds into the video before saying NOPE and closing it out.

N'SYNC- Pop

Did your ear drums survive that? *Phew* Ok, let's move on.

I love the color pink, and I love ponies. But what the fuck? I have no clue what's happening or why. All I know is I hate the whiny singing and the way she violates the microphone stand in the video. I'm sure there's an audience for this song since it's been recycled into 239491 Instagram reels. I am not that audience.

Chappell Roan- Pink Pony Club

Onward! To song number three!

This line alone- "Like a major rager OMFG". That's it. That's why I hate it. If the line wasn't ridiculous enough, it's the eye twitching tone. Why? Who said this was okay? Who sabotaged my girl like this? Delete it. Delete it from existence. If Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was real, I'd pay for the procedure to eradicate every bit of this song from my memory.

Avril Lavigne- Hello Kitty

This next one, I don't even know where to begin. It starts out like a broken cuckoo clock, which is probably the best part of the whole song because it quickly goes downhill from there. This song is a five-and-a-half-minute anthem about how great her vagina is and how bad everyone in the world wants it. What even is life at this point? I've written about a lot of things. Not once did the thought of my vagina being a topic in any piece of writing cross my mind. Ever.

Christina Aguilera- Woohoo

I'm gonna end this suckfest with a bang. I feel like I'm about to trigger so many people right now... so I'm just gonna say it. I do not care for this band or this song at all. In fact, I hate everything about it. This song in general is too damn long. Nine minutes? Nine? Now imagine a 470 pound 22-year-old man drunk off of a 30 pack of Natural Ice hanging off of your shoulder singing every lyric incorrectly and crying about how much he loves this band.

That was my experience at only 17 years old. This song makes me want to punch a rhino. I wouldn't even allow the video to play because I hate it so much. Enjoy, I guess.

Lynyrd Skynyrd- Free Bird

If you've been able to tolerate all of that insanity, I now would like to present you with the reason I need the song Hello Kitty wiped from my memory. This next song is just beautiful. It's kind of simple with only few lyrics and a lot of chorus... but the chorus just envelopes my heart with all the mushy love stuff and hits me in a way not a lot of other songs can. The way she sings it makes it even more stunning. It really is such a simple song- but, sometimes, those are the best ones in my opinion.

Avril Lavigne- Falling Fast

It was truly hard to narrow down songs I can't stand to only five. To be fair, I'm not a huge fan of most new music. If I thought Woohoo was bad, the new releases are even worse. It's like everyone is trying to top each other to be the most shocking. It's boring.

Who knows though, maybe you've found something you actually love on this list. I'll try not to judge you too harshly for that. But if we're ever in a car together and you turn any of these on, I'm leaping out. Genuinely. I do not care how fast we're going.

Or maybe, we can hate these songs together. Start a club. I'll bring the cookies. Let me know.

If you'd like to join in on the fun, here is the link to Sam Spinelli's unofficial challenge:

https://vocal.media/writers/unofficial-challenge-do-your-worst-unbearable-music-recs

Or you can look up Sam Spinelli since the links aren't working right now!