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The Soundtrack of a Gen X Gay Boy

Hearing the song Vogue and watching the video for the first time made me seriously realize I was gay.

By Fred Costa Published 3 years ago 4 min read
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The Soundtrack of a Gen X Gay Boy
Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash

The first song that came to my mind is Losing My Religion, REM. It was 1988, and I was a 13 years old boy living in a small city in Brazil. The country was ending a dictatorship chapter in its history, and my mind was full of dreams for my future. At that time, I could understand only a few words in English, but Michael Stipe's vocals were like a magnet to my ears. We used to record songs on the radio on cassette tapes, and I got a very good one, with no interruptions by the Dj or advertisements. For months, I heard Losing My Religion every day after school. The feeling was that the whole world was on hold for a moment when I was listening to it.

But that was just a dream. Try, cry, fly, try. That was just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream, dream.

This part is the only one I could sing and understand well, and it was enough for me. For several times I was there dreaming about my life while listening to Michael's magnetic voice.

Legião Urbana (Urban Legion)

The Brazilian pop-rock band called Urban Legion (Legião Urbana, in Portuguese) was the most significant band for many Brazilians. They did sing about politics, world issues but also about love, freedom, and all the doubts a teen could have at that time. Besides Brazilian Pop-Rock bands and groups like Nirvana and Red Hot Chilli Peppers, I was in love with Madonna. Oh my God, she made a revolution in my mind with all that gay things on her video clips. Hearing the song Vogue and watching the video for the first time made me seriously realize I was gay. After watching the muscle dancers, I said to myself, "Yeah, boy, you're gay. No doubts." Madonna and everything around her were magical for me.

By Vladimir Proskurovskiy on Unsplash

My generation becomes a teen at the end of a period of violence and censure. We were starving for freedom, and it's reflected in the songs of that time. The angry and anxiety and love were in the lyrics of the Brazilian pop-rock bands.

Music Television

Years ahead, in 1991, the song Come as you are, by the pop-punk Nirvana with Kurt Cobain, was the perfect soundtrack for my life. Like millions of kids from the '90s, I'm a son of divorced parents. Our mothers had to go to work, and I spent most of my days having the tv as my babysitter. The melancholia in their songs did match with my loneliness at home.

MTV gave faces to the singers and groups in my cassette tapes. The kids in my neighborhood played many songs from MTV 100 that year on Sundays evenings in parties we used to call American Parties, where boys bring soda and girls snacks. I had so much fun dancing to slow romantic music like More Than Words by Extreme and Everything I do by Bryan Adams. It wasn't a time I could dance with other guys, as you can imagine. These parties left good memories from my teens' age.

Erasure: wedding songs

It's a non-official tradition in Brazil to play '80 and '90 songs to engage people to a dance floor at weddings or graduation parties. I can't remember how many times my friends and I were the last ones to leave the place after dancing to a bunch of Erasure's songs. "Now I love to hate you; I love to hate you, I love to hate you." It was just not possible for me to stay quietly seated when this song did start to play.

Music helps us go through life; it doesn't matter if it is in a good or bad moment. That teenager still living inside me (I meant, only figuratively) and songs have the power of bringing good memories to our minds, friends we don't see anymore, and sensations from a unique time. It is so fresh in my memory, even having happened more than thirty years ago. I enjoyed, lived it to the fullest and I'll love it forever.

Playlist

1. Losing My Religion - R.E.M

2. Come as you are - Nirvana

3. Californication - Red Hot Chilli Peppers

4. Vogue - Madonna

5. More Than Words - Extreme

6. (Everything I Do) I do It For You - Bryan Adams

7. I Love To Hate You - Erasure

8. A Little Respect - Erasure

9. Straight Up - Paula Abdul

10. Legião Urbana - Há Tempos

80s music
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About the Creator

Fred Costa

Fred Costa is a Brazilian journalist and author living in Philadelphia, USA, since 2013. He has been writing for newspapers, blogs, and advertisement campaigns and was a local news anchor in his hometown in Brazil years ago.

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