The Sound of Female Sexual Liberation

With the recent release of W.A.P, and ensuing public controversy, I've noticed a fantastic opportunity to open up a discussion about the type of media we consume, particularly as young women, and how it shapes us throughout our lives.

As an adult reflecting on ways in which I was shaped by the gender roles presented on mainstream media, I'm left unraveling a lot of cords that got pretty tangled. In my therapy role with female-identifying youths, I find the same cords beginning to form knots in their developing minds. The kind of entanglement that leaves us feeling as though our worth is dependent on how sexually appealing we are to others. The kind that finds us struggling to form meaningful connections, and living in constant competition and comparison with other women, ultimately, generating a perpetual state of emotional insecurity.

The liberation of female sexuality is well overdue, and I am thrilled to see so many women opening up about what they find to be sexually pleasing, though It begs the question, is the picture of female sexual liberation being portrayed in songs like W.A.P, and that of a similar nature accurate?

As an adult, I consume this type of media under no illusion of how inaccurately fetishized our sexuality is being presented. I can immediately identify the lack of intimacy and connection, the fantasy that is being broadcast, the lack of boundaries, and respect. I can listen to this song with this understanding because as an adult, I know better, but this wasn't always the case.

It has taken years of personal development to understand that my worth runs deeper than my skin. To find my value in so many more places than between my legs. Years to feel safe in my skin, knowing that other women can be beautiful without making me worthless in comparison. I had to grow a certain kind of resilience, the one that allows me to set boundaries with lovers, knowing with every fibre of my being that if they're not respected it is they who hold fault, and my value remains innate.

The media we consume helps us to identify how we are expected to be in the world, and how we can expect the world to treat us in return. It shows us what roles we should play in the community and who we should strive to become.

As a child, and throughout my adolescent years, I didn't have the eye to spot the line where the truth ends and the embellishment begins. As with most children, I took these messages on board and began compiling my psyche's road map to life. I didn't know that sex involved a lot of cuddling and checking in with each other. That it could be playful and awkward, that it had the potential to be cathartic, and that my enjoyment mattered. I had no idea that what I was being taught rarely resembled anything like the real experience.

Our teen years are all about forming our own identity in the world. We spend these years figuring out who we are, how we stand out from the crowd, and how we can fit in. As we move into this psychological modelling period, we seek validation and support from our peers first and foremost. We inevitably find answers via multiple forms of media, and from the role modelling that we see from the grown-ups around us. Mind you, the grown-ups around us have likely also been conditioned to enact on-screen attitudes during their childhood, and this is where we locate an essential pattern.

As we listen to music we're also often singing along. Now It is no secret that the spoken word is a powerful tool in conditioning the way we think, and in many forms of personal development spoken affirmations are a commonly practiced method of shifting one's mentality. If behavioural and thought patterns can be shifted within adults through the repetition of statements, what kind of conditioning is occurring in the developing minds of children and adolescents repeating these lyrics? What are the beliefs around self-worth, and expression of sexuality forming roots in the minds of our youngest generation?

As I stated earlier I am all for the liberation of female sexuality and pleasure, but this is not what it looks like. A person's sexual identity and expression are unique to them and a sexually liberated woman does not need to wear leopard print leotards, and stilettos whilst thrusting their hips in the air, they most certainly can, but it is NOT the standard and should not be identified as such, but becomes so when this image is frequently used in its association.

Music that promotes a woman's worth and liberation should not include lyrics like "I don't cook, I don't clean, but let me tell you how I got this ring". This poses a few contradictions to the idea of a liberated woman.

1. It is implied that cooking and cleaning are the top two qualities of a wanted wife.

2. That a woman's value to men is found only in her culinary skills, cleaning performance, or ability to sexually gratify.

3. It promotes sexually gratifying men as a means of getting what one wants, which is again seen in the lyrics "ask for a car while you ride that d***"I'd also like to mention at this point that using sex as a method of manipulation or punishment in a relationship is a form of emotional abuse.

If you read these lyrics it is easy to see that this song is about women elevating their worth based on the ways they in which they can sexually please men, and isn't about female pleasure at all. The glorification of unsafe sex is also concerning with lyrics that include "make his pullout game weak."

Music like this is sneaky, we think it's lifting female oppression because male artists have been singing songs like this for so long and now we're seeing women do the same, but we are inadvertently further stripping women of their person-hood.

I understand the importance of reclaiming words used against us in a derogatory fashion, and I believe this is a powerful tool in regaining our power, but when women couple the reclamation of these words in conjunction with oppressive ideas we find global female role-models writing anthems that solidify these notions in our subconscious mind.

A sexually liberated woman knows their boundaries and is supported in stating them, and can stand by them if ever pressured. A sexually liberated woman is supported by her community in the freedom to discuss female sexuality and pleasure. A sexually liberated woman is someone who knows that their sexual personal preferences can be expressed, with consent, without fear of shaming, degradation, or unrequited advances, and can explore their sexual pleasure without feeling as though they should only be in service of their partner.

This well-formed aspect of self is founded on the premise of being able to form a healthy sexual relationship with oneself and others if they so choose. Safety in ALL sexual relations is founded on the fundamentals of Healthy Relationships in all forms. Ways in which we can promote a more positive understanding of our sexual expression is by embedding healthy beliefs surrounding our worth and interactions with others.

I've decided to put together a playlist of music that I wish I had access to as a teenager. Music that would have made me feel safer in setting boundaries and promoted a healthier expectation of my worth as a woman. I've designed this playlist for teens around the 15-year-old mark and have selected songs from a variety of genres surrounding themes of first love, healthy portrayals of masculinity, supportive relationships, personal empowerment, sharing of emotions, identification of unfair relationships standards, and breakups. I've included themes around emotional turmoil and other tricky elements that come along with these years. I wanted to create a playlist that wasn't condescending in its innocence, that was relatable to this period in life and featured some talented musicians. I've taken great care to have the majority of the songs come from Australian and New Zealand bands in an effort to support our local artists. Some of this music contains explicit language and I suggest having a listen first, especially if you have teens on the younger side who you feel are mature enough to understand the appropriate

use of such language.