THE LIFE + DEATH? OF THE HERO

Three thoughts come to mind when I think of Michael Jackson now...

1. "Even the sun goes down, Heroes eventually die, Horoscopes often lie..." - OUTKAST

2. "You either die the hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - HARVEY DENT/2 FACE (Evil villain from Batman)

The example of Harvey Dent, a 2 Faced character that we see transform from shining hope - into the adversary to Batman's good, is a poignant character example when we speak of the ever illusive TRUTH about Michael Jackson.

For many of us, myself included, Michael Jackson was/is an icon of a generation, a mystical, magical presence that could captivate and move even the hardest-hearted into tapping their toes, singing high exultations and absorbing with amusement and wonderment the star quality that is Michael Jackson.

Michael is almost synonymous, for me at least, with air, water, food. Not a day goes by where I'm not humming "Human Nature", snapping along to the unforgettable beat of "Billie Jean" or imagining the almost imprinted stunning visual that was "Thriller". Some of my earliest memories are pulling Michael Jackson vinyl's out of their sleeve and playing his music on my mom's record player. HIS MUSIC IS PART OF MY DNA.

So this then becomes the dilemma.

I watched Leaving Neverland. I was ready to see a 2-hour smear campaign against Michael Jackson that would be among HBO's cheapest attempt to further their audience beyond the blood-thirsty, lets be honest - morally questionable fanbase that they capture with shows like Game Of Thrones. I expected a detailed - but false account from two men who have both admitted no wrongdoing against Michael Jackson in the past.

But as the movie ended, and the credits rolled, it wasn't so much that I felt that Michael Jackson did it - but why...have so many kids come forward?

Even if these two men DID lie which, in the time since the documentary has come out, there have been various inconsistencies noted in their story, (and such, the discussion of if whether Michael Jackson did these things or not continues) but still, this lingering disappointment that Michael Jackson, who was on trial for child abuse numerous times, still decided to hang out with small children, not only put them but also himself in danger.

That doesn't seem very loving to me. That doesn't seem very, heroic. And to be honest, Michael did seem to be in an uncomfortable depth of turmoil in his last days.

On one hand, there's the idea that Michael Jackson could have possibly loved kids in a wholesome and dedicated way. The visual we capture in his "Childhood" video is of a Michael that understands the loss of innocence. So why then, would he remove other kid's agency to this part of themselves? In the other case, there's the Michael that - damaged from youth, turned that damage outwards on to other kids in an incredibly abusive and sadistic way. For us Michael Jackson fans, this split of knowing what truly happened is tough to contend with.

At this moment, I wish Michael was still alive so I could speak to him about it myself. However, until there is a definitive action to say Michael Jackson definitely DIDN'T molest any kids, for the first time in my life, I'm unable to support my former hero. And Michael Jackson dying twice to me is a very hard thing to bear.

- KID ASTRONAUT (@kidastronavt)