No More Egg Shells

Phil Collins, 1988 blasting out the speakers so loud that my best friend and I should have gotten in trouble only this wasn't a trouble thing, this was a soul thing. It was like I was having an out of body experience.

Have you ever listened to Phil Collins In The Air Tonight on full blast? If not, you should try it, it's amazing, but you have to go full volume.

The hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows, so stranger to you and me."

Phil Collins

Those words, jumping out on the digital screen of my mind as my fourteen year old self with imaginary drum sticks in hand as the beat drops zoning out with my fake guitar to the echoing of Phil Collins voice.

On fire I was, it was like my sleeping soul woke up and anything that was crippling my thoughts were pushed aside in that moment. It soothed my soul and all things were good, even if just for a moment.

This was new, In a split second the journey began. Realizing music had been trapped in my soul for a long time yearning to be explored I didn't know why, I just wanted more. More of what made me feel good on the inside in an unusual way and shifted my spirit on high.

Trapped in a world of uncertainty and self doubt behind the hand that rocked the cradle music became my safe place to fall.

Searching the inner parts of my being seeking to awake the remaining parts of my soul became an interesting journey. A journey of music discovery fully loaded with the playlist that fired me up for school, as well as, got me through those rough adolescences.

This was the the best thing next to sliced bread to a fourteen year old in the late 80's. Or at least it was for me. I never left home without it. When those head phones hit my ears there was no need to feel as If was walking around through life on egg shells anymore, that gig was up. By the time I arrived at school I was hyped jamming to Special Ed, "I Got it Made" my energy was on point and my moves was flawless,ninth grade English was a breeze.

I'm out spoken my language is broken into a slag but it's just a dialect that I select when I hang.

Special Ed

When he said it, I felt it, like a rocket took off from my mind headed to the universe to lay and wait until time to come back to earth and shake some things up.

Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly.

Richard Bach

She was cool for real, you couldn't tell me I wasn't MC Lyte, I really believed I was her.

When ya say you love me it doesn't matter it goes into my head as just chit chatter, you may think egotistical, or just worry free but, what you say I take none of it seriously. Sucka you missed I put feelings aside I know who I am.

MC Lyte

At fourteen I was totally oblivious, MC Lyte planted the seed that getting to know me, was even an option I didn't know that was on the table and I surely didn't know that getting to know and understand me would be the biggest part of the journey.

Although, I had know clue of the magnitude of the journey I was on or how large my playlist list would get it served it's purpose for every journey, every milestone, every loss and every win even today. The words MC Lyte spoke, I said okay, I'm her, I liked what she said, and how she said it. I know each and every one of you have had one of those moments. If not, you should, it was great for me, because at that time in my life there really wasn't anyone in particular that had set the tone of who I wanted to be like. Even though today, their undertones are present within me, It's pretty cool.

I think they would be proud.

Meanwhile, dad yelling from the other room, can you dig it sweets, don't take know stuff from these dudes, he was listening to what I was listening to. Sipping on his Colt 45 snapping his fingers to Stanley Turrentine, Blanket on The Beach. He always said,

I don't care whats on your tape if you don't have no jazz you don't have no music.

Edward C. Jackson

Growing up, there was no comparison to the vibe that me and my dad had when it came to music. He exposed me to jazz the music that made me tap into my imagination. It was great to jam to all the hype but it was paradise to tap into my imaginary world of music discovery. Listening to the words, pulling out what was good for my soul, thinking about all the places I was going to go and what I was going to do.

Music was my home away from my old home, to step away from the drama of being a teen-age girl that know-one understood. I No longer had to walk on eggs shells.

Now I was moving to the beat of a different drum, putting words together in the form of ideas and pulling out sounds that tickled my brain in an unusual way. Young girl in a new high school, a new area, new friends and now living with my father he understood me, he got me and music was our connection. I didn't understand why though, sure he's my dad, but how many dads can actually find a common ground of balance and connect with their fourteen year old daughter's without scaring the hell out of them?

I just knew it was great.

When mommy came to visit, all hell would break loose, in music. It was awesome, but strange, mommy with her Vodka singing Nancy Wilson's "Teach Me Tonight", dad pretending to play the instruments.

Somehow the connection in my mind was trying to come together as to why the three of us, were able to really vibe on this level. Three people, with three different mindsets for music and the purpose it served , yet it was like we were all circumscribed on all sides for some reason but I didn't know why and I didn't get it, then. So King of Rock It was for me.

I won't stop rocking till I retire, now we rock the party and come correct all cuts are on time and the rhymes connect.

Run-D.M.C

Music blasted, bedroom door closed getting ready for school the next day. The fact that my father had pulled off a thirty day plan, got custody, got me out of a group home and two bedroom apartment right down the street from Peabody High. My dad hit all the targets, he asked, I answered, and he followed through that was all I wanted I knew he had my little back.

My greatest mission was to make him proud.

I loved Peabody High, the diversity was just what I needed to feel normal while having the courage to walk off the egg shells.

Imagine this, Ninth grade, the new girl I was. Ironically, everyone I met was into music, rap, jazz, rock, r&b country music, the creative exposure was vast. I discovered that music was necessary for me in order to move pass, block and detach from things that was attempting to seer my logic. Music became therapeutic and very relevant to my life, everyday. It was time for a mission, learning to play the clarinet at Gladstone Middle school in Mr. Niches instrumentals class proved to be most beneficial so Peabody's marching band it was, Mr. Cook.

Walking in that band room, oh my God! The sound of the triple drums, saxophones, trumpets, flutes oh my, it was mind blowing it took me to an even deeper level of understanding. My father was so proud and excited he would walk, to see me march in the band and yell out "Echooo" with vigor telling everybody I was his little girl.

Still today, my father listens to music everyday it's almost like it guides the course. Not set it, just soothes it. I often wish he could still blow his trumpet that would wake his soul to a place where he would be right at home. Oddly enough at this very moment I get it.

Mommy also known as my Chicky Pooh now has dementia, but something seems to be missing. Sure her memory is off a bit, but music, she was music her spirit was alive when there was music involved. To hear mommy sing would make me cry for some reason her voice had a harmony that pulled way down deep inside of me, something for me to ponder upon. If I could just wake her soul up in music again, if just for a moment. So she too could step off the egg shells of life and wake the soul like when she would say, " Square Biz". that was always funny to me. What did that mean? Oh my dear, I get it.

Mommy is dope for real and always has been, she just don't know it, but I do.

In all the life journeys I've traveled upon, stumbled upon and knowingly walked upon. Good, bad, ugly or indifferent that shaped the women I am.

My tape was and will always be apart of the journey. All music, any music, any style that speaks to my spirit that allows me the opportunity to walk off the egg shells and wake my soul. Music is a creative gift that should be explored by many. It wakes the soul, soothes a soul and makes you bust a move when the feeling hit your feet. Everyone should have a playlist of music discovery for all occasions compiled of all kinds of good for your soul make you feel good music.

Life is Beautiful, no matter what the journey unfolds, if your heart is open and you are able to find the beauty in it, life is Beauty and so is Music.

Echo Marie Bryant