Music's secret power

Music touches us emotionally, where words alone can't - Johnny Depp

Music, food and, sex... all stimulate our brains with a hit of dopamine which, when released in large amounts, rewards our bodies with feelings of pleasure and enjoyment. This is why they are instruments of escape, pauses in reality that most angsty teens indulge in or, when it comes to sex, begin to romanticize.

Disco died on the dancefloor in the 80s

The 80s said goodbye to disco with the emergence of synthesizer music while rap and hip hop, still in public infancy, continued to lay the foundations for the creators that are so popular in those genres today.

The 80s could tame neither the pioneering women of rap with Salt-n-Pepa getting girls to free themselves on the dancefloor nor, the attitude and creativity of Madonna who emboldened them to liberate their hidden fashion and beauty styles while giving the world the middle finger. Music shows on TV brought all those bright colors and makeup, neon synthetic clothes and baggy sweats, dangling decorative earrings and big permed hair, denim jeans and jackets, shoulder pads and fingerless gloves, and tight leather and spandex as must-have statement pieces into the homes of teenagers everywhere... including mine in a little town burrowed in north Queensland, Australia.

Fashion and hairstyles became extensions of music and reflections of moods, not only giving others clues of who we identified with but also stereotyping our identities so assumptions were often made about the types of persons we were becoming based on who our idols were.

Masking my true self

My mother died from cancer a couple of weeks before I turned 13 so the clothes I wore and the music I openly listened to became my camouflage... a way to hide my fears, worries, and feelings. I wore bright colours and denim, and big earrings and bigger hairstyles. To the outside world, I was connected and healing, where in reality I felt alone and stuck.

So, when out with friends or in social settings, I danced to Whitney Houston and dressed like Cyndi Lauper. I lip-synced to Mel and Kim and spoke about Madonna as though she were a friend. However, my playlist, which I only had access to, told a different story.

It was darker and edgier than the stereotypical angsty expressions that everyone expected teenagers to subscribe to. Sure Whitney Houston and Madonna sang about the extremes of love with innocence and curiousity or with depth and as a right of passage. But U2 kept it real with their song With Or Without You and sang about these same extremes of love in terms of light and dark, want and need, and pushing and pulling of a suffering soul... something I could relate to after being friend-zoned by a boy simply because his mother said we couldn't date as I was not of the same race as him. Yes... he was a mumma's boy and I stood by his side throughout all of high school as his tragic friend admiring him from afar.

I didn't stand idly though but added another song to my secret playlist. This song was taboo at school dances for a while because of what it implied and the questions around the artist's sexuality. Prince was a unique blend of feminine and masculine energies, sexy and sensual mixed with a splash of danger and indulgence. With a Kiss, he sent many off to find strength in their vulnerabilities and comfort in their skin which empowered me to start removing the masks and reveal my true self. What I found though was that not many people liked what they saw and this confused me more. They didn't understand my grief and need for connection, so I became too much for some and reapplied a mask or 2 to keep them comfortable.

Finding purpose

The world shifted in the mid-80s with global events and causes such as Band Aid, Live Aid, and 40-Hour Famine. Like many teenagers, I watched with fascination and waited in awe for my favourite artists to perform. I also participated diligently in the 40-Hour Famine cause and started to question conformity and the way we were socialized according to gender, wealth, religion, and race. My thoughts turned to the purpose of life and I started to wonder what my existence was in aid of?

Unspoken thoughts around purpose were normally answered by family members with outward demonstrations of religious worship and praise. However, the Eurythmics response in Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) became somewhat of a mantra to me with its repetitive lyrics and beat. The purpose of my existence became more than a need for survival but a quest to live with intention... which was a starting point for a teen living in a small town.

Australian homegrown band INXS had a huge impact on my teen years. What You Need challenged me to move from mediocrity and start questioning the status quo, while Devil Inside spoke of human nature and reminded me that not only does everyone have 2 faces, but also that evil does not discriminate just as good does not play favourites. But going back to their earlier work, Original Sin was always one of my go-to songs as it reminded me of my first crush - me the black girl and he the white boy - denied by society because of misconstructs and the behaviours of those that perpetuated racism from generation to generation.

Pauses with music and feelings

This brings us to song number 7 on my playlist. Poison helped bring the decade to a close and their power ballad, Every Rose Has Its Thorn, didn't calm the inner storm but gave it context. Although the song seemed to be about a cheating girlfriend, personally the Rose symbolized what the future held for me as I headed towards completing Year 12. The Thorns were reminders that not only did I have some decisions to make that would hurt me but also that they may wound a few of my closest relationships.

So, I peeled off a mask or 2 and allowed myself to breathe and talk. Some people didn't like what they saw - the changes in fashion choices and hairstyle, the commitment to playing sport but questioning nepotism, the exploration of belief systems and increased risk-taking, and of course, dating boys and talking about it.

I carried these songs with me into the 90s and new experiences materialized new masks to cover fresh angst. But then different playlists were compiled, each as important as the other and meaningful beyond the era of their need. Often the songs of older playlists were remastered in the newer ones, lyrical reminders that not only would I get through what was before me, but that I would get through it loving a bit more of myself because of it.

That is the secret power of music... not only does it make you feel better about yourself in that moment, but it takes that moment and immortalizes it for every other moment you feel misunderstood and alone. It transcends time and throws you back both to those big emotions you felt and, to the ways you conquered their sting and fought your way back to loving you for being true. That's what music does... it heals.

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