MARINA: Music, Mental Illness, and Me

It's been a long time since I first heard Marina's music. Back then, she was known as Marina and the Diamonds and was currently in the midst of her Electra Heart era. I was 13 years old and in the midst of my own inner turmoil. "Teen Idle" found me at a time when I was at my most scared and alone- and I think it saved my life. I immediately listened to her entire discography. I was obsessed. As I struggled with mental illness, the razor-sharp lyricism of The Family Jewels and the upbeat nihilism of Electra Heart became my solace. But that was a long time ago.

For those unfamiliar, let me introduce you to Marina's music. She now has five studio albums, each with its own unique visuals and aesthetic. First, we have The Family Jewels, the artist's debut. Her lyrical prowess shines in "Seventeen", while "Numb" showcases her vocal range. However, perhaps the most iconic song from this album is "I Am Not A Robot". It showcases her vulnerability.

Next, we have Electra Heart. Arguably her most well-known album, as well as the one that introduced me to her music, it is near and dear to my heart. Behind the bubblegum pop façade hides hopeless nihilism and despair. Electra Heart is all about the walls we put up to protect ourselves, packaged in a pretty pink bow. On the surface, "Primadonna" is about a diva who gets what she wants, when she wants. But a deeper delve into the lyrics shows a woman who is chasing material items and love to fill a void in her heart. However, my favorite song from this album is "Teen Idle". This song is a gritty look at the regrets we may face when dealing with mental illness. "Teen Idle" was my solace when I was a teen and all I knew was darkness.

Froot was the start of the shift in her music. Thematically, songs like the titular "Froot" and "Happy" were much more optimistic. There were still songs such as "Solitaire" that expressed loneliness, but the overall tone of the album was less despondent. This album came out during a transitional period in my life, and I had trouble relating to it because of this. However, I clung onto "Happy" like a life raft, hoping that someday I too would be able to feel such peace.

In 2019, Marina dropped her stage name. Her first album after this change was Love + Fear. This album has two sides, each portraying the emotion of Love or Fear respectively. However, it's important to note that Love is not necessarily all positive, and Fear is not all negative. The artist instead chooses to explore a range of experiences based on each emotion. This album was revolutionary for me. It was the first one she released after I was an adult, and I had a different perspective on life. I was just starting to feel like I had control of my life after a childhood full of uncertainty. "Enjoy Your Life", while lyrically simpler than the rest of the album, opened my eyes. The idea that it's okay to be happy despite not having everything figured out was something I had never realized before. It inspired self-love that was honestly quite a radical idea for me. Excitingly, in 2019 when Marina toured for her Love + Fear album, I was able to finally see her live. This had been a dream of mine since I discovered her music. It was an especially special moment for me because I traveled alone to an unfamiliar city to see the concert, a feat I never would've dreamed of before. Love + Fear was important to me because it marked a change in my life, and seeing my own growth compared to my role model's growth was remarkable.

Finally, we come to today. Marina's latest album, Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land, is potentially her most authentic album to date. Through her songwriting, you can tell she is finally truly comfortable as an artist and as a person. "Venus Fly Trap" is an ode to being unapologetically yourself, while "Goodbye" represents peace and acceptance of who you used to be. This album is vulnerable, authentic, and beautifully crafted.

As someone who quite literally grew up listening to Marina's music, I feel honored to have been a part of her journey. I may be just another fan, but her music has a way of making you feel understood and accepted. Watching your role model go from singing "feeling super, super, super suicidal" to "...my life might not be what I thought, but I wouldn't change a thing..." is truly inspiring.

I could go on and on about this topic for a while, but I'll end it with this: music has the power to save lives. And Marina saved mine. Thank you, Marina.