"Manage Me, I'm a Mess"

This is the story about the song that started it all. The song that introduced me to my love of music. The song that convinced me that I am in fact in love with music. The song that has led me to attend almost 70 concerts in my 25 years on this Earth. The song that helped me realize that music would never let me down, that it would be there whenever I needed it, no matter how I was feeling. The song that would help me understand how important music is to me and how much I really need it in my life. This is the story about THE song that started it all.

I was in middle school when I really started to listen to music, when it became more than just sounds and words I could sing along to. When I discovered that I liked how beats, instruments, and words could come together to make a song that could have the upmost importance. I attribute this interest in music to my older brother, Matt. Matt is three years older than me, and when I was little, I looked to him for everything. When I needed to know how to ask my parents for something, I asked Matt. When I wanted to get back at my little brother for something, Matt helped me. When I wanted to play a new sport, I asked Matt for his opinion and then asked hm the best ways to play that sport. Everything, I asked Matt about everything. So, when I started noticing the music that Matt was playing out loud at home, I asked him who he was listening to. This was when he introduced me to some of his favorite bands, who would go on to become some of my favorite bands.

Matt listened to a lot of different styles of music, but for some reason he decided to show me the punk, pop punk, and alternative bands that he listened to. I enjoyed listening to them all, but one I just liked a lot more than the others. That band was All Time Low. At first it was their emo haircuts, funny music videos, and the fact that I thought they were all kind of cute that made me decide they were my favorite of the bands my brother had shown me. Then it became the fact that they had a little bit of a pop influence that I was familiar with, considering that N*Sync, the Backstreet Boys, and the Jonas Brothers were who I was listening to before. Finally, it became the fact that the lyrics were starting to resonate with me as a person and I was developing a love for catchy guitar riffs and the rhythm behind the lyrics as well that kept me listening to the band. The actual music was beginning to influence why they were becoming one of my favorite bands. As the years went on, Matt continued to show me more music within the genre and I began to follow All Time Low’s career. I paid attention to when new music would be released, if they were going to be playing any shows, and whatever else was going on with the band.

In 2009, All Time Low released their third studio album, Nothing Personal. The song that would change my life is on this album. In fact, it’s track number one.

WEIGHTLESS

From the moment I heard the opening beat to the track, “Weightless,” I knew that it was going to be one of my favorite songs. Something about it immediately impacted me. The first time I heard it, I didn’t even listen to the words, I tried to just embrace it as instruments mixed with a beat, melody, and rhythm. I had to listen to it several times in order to hear both the lyrics and the music behind them. I’m pretty sure that I learned the lyrics that day because of the number of times I played it over and over again. My favorite part became the drum led breakdown that occurs after every chorus. The line, “Maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year,” stuck out then, but it would eventually come to mean so much more to me as my life continued. I listened to that song and that entire album on repeat when it first came out. I listened to it so much that I’m pretty sure I learned all the words to every song within the first few “start to finish” listens. Even now, and even if I haven’t listened to it in a while, I can still sing every word.

After hearing “Weightless,” my appreciation of music completely changed. For some reason, after I heard that song, music went from being something that I heard on the radio and in the background of things to something that I am now so attached to. I can’t go a day without listening to music; I listen to it when I drive, when I cook, when I clean, even when I shower. It makes it easier to deal with things when I am feeling sad, defeated, lonely, and tired. It adds to feelings of happiness, excitement, and accomplishment. Most importantly, it gets rid of the silence. I’ve learned that I can’t stand silence or when things are too quiet, so music helps with that. My brain is probably just so used to hearing music all the time that silence freaks it out now. Hearing that All Time Low song when I was 15, helped me learn all of these things. The day that I heard that song, I knew that music was going to impact my life in a big way. It set off something in me that has made me the music obsessed human being that I am now. I even went to my first concert a month after hearing “Weightless,” which became the first of many.

Since 2009, I’ve attended 70 concerts in various states. I’ve seen most of my favorite bands and artists in concert and I’ve even had the opportunity to meet some of them. Music has become such a huge part of my life that I created an online music magazine with one of my best friends called, Down with Sound Magazine. We interview and write about bands local to where we live, talk about shows we’ve recently been to, discuss new music and artists that we discover as well as what is new in the music world, and give our readers the opportunity to share their own music stories, art, photography, and experiences. Little did I know that really hearing “Weightless,” and not just listening to it, would lead me to be able to experience music in all of these different ways.

Now that I’m older and have experienced things like loss, heartbreak, growing up, and not knowing what my future holds, the song holds even more of a special place in my heart. I can now relate to most of the lyrics and feelings expressed in the song. Now that I know what it’s like to move to a new state away from my family, finish school and not know what to do with it, and try to give my life meaning, this chorus hits a little bit harder:

“Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year,

And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere,

And this is my reaction to everything I fear,

'Cuz I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here.”

I finally heard the song that shaped my love of music live at the end of 2019. All Time Low embarked on the “Ten Years Later and It’s Still…Nothing Personal Tour” to celebrate the 10-year anniversary of the album’s release in the last month of the year. They played six shows in three cities, and thankfully, I was able to attend a show. What better way to finally see one of my favorite bands live than to see them celebrate my favorite of their albums by playing it from start to finish? Because “Weightless” is the first track on the album I knew that it was going to be played first. As soon as the lights went down and the members of All Time Low stepped on stage, excitement filled me. I was about to hear the song that is most important to me live for the first time. It was the most surreal moment and I will never forget it. Eyes directly on the band, fully immersed in the performance, I sang the opening line, “Manage me, I’m a mess” alongside Alex Gaskarth and a few hundred others. In that moment I was fully content and felt completely at home.