Learn to Be Lonely. February 14th.

Last night the pipes burst and you barely slept a wink in the cold night. Your toes are incredibly cold despite you wearing every pair of socks you own and sleeping under all your blankets while wearing every clean sweater you can find.

Waking up, you happily note that at least the sun is shining, it's early morning hue brightening up the drab buildings on the block.

You gaze out your window where Dimplez, a homeless man known to all in the neighborhood, shuffles down the street and takes his usual perch in front of the coffee shop at the end of the block.

You suddenly don’t feel so cold, as you sadly wonder where he slept last night.

Rising from your bed you head to the bathroom to brush your chattering teeth. “Uniqua play Toast by Koffee” you say to your smart home music player. The words rise over your being; urging you to think of all you can be grateful for. You dance in the mirror while throwing your hands in the air toothbrush and all.

“Mi haffi thank God for di journey, di earnings a jus fi di plus (yeah)

Gratitude is a must (yeah)

Mi see blessings fall by mi right hand

Buss a toast fi di friends weh tek off heavy load”

As Toast ends, you catch sight of your face, puffy but still that familiar canvas that has greeted you faithfully for years.

Blessed by Shenseea which unnecessarily features fledgling rapper Tyga comes on next. How appropriate you think as you hop in the shower.

Never had to pretend-tend-tend

I'm ah five times two, that's a ten, ten, ten

Never, ever beg fren, fren, fren

If they not with me, mi nuh worry 'bout dem

Whoa, blind man can see it

Hang me out to dry by the Cold War Kids comes on. As you turn on the hot water you are hit by the coldest blast this side of Antarctica. “Crap,” you mutter beyond annoyed, “Curse those frozen pipes!” You promise yourself that this is your last year you’ll spend winter in the northeast.

Now hang me up to dry

You wrung me out

Too too too many times

Now hang me up to dry

I'm pearly like the whites

The whites of your eyes

You try to maintain your positivity, but everything seems to be going wrong. In the kitchen you fill the kettle and your two biggest pots on the stove.

Mindfully you place a teabag of ashwagandha and another of tulsi in ar large glass mug.

Street Lights by Kanye West plays softly and you muse on destinations unrealized.

All of the streets lights, glowin'

Happen to be just like moments, passin'

In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and

I paid my fare see I know my destination

But I'm just not there

You pour the steaming hot water over the tea bags and watch the steam dance above the rim. Some water spills over the edge and you think of the importance of boundaries.

Setting boundaries is part of the reason you're alone today - and most days. Your ability to set them is one of your proudest achievements of late.

Your phone rings less these days but your reasons for cutting someone off remains valid. Cutting Ties by 6lack is a great reminder of this truth.

I pray to God I don't have to pay for not knowin'

This world is new to me, I do not know it

My pride never wanted you to know this

Sometimes I wanna be alone and..

The truth is you’ve spent much of your life “paired up.” This new silence in a world that has been unusually noiseless is tougher than you expected. Nevertheless you have committed to learning yourself, deeply. You didn't plan to walk through so much of your life alone. It's just the way the proverbial cookie crumbled. The lessons you've learned about attachment to things (and people) are been priceless. Firebomb by Rihanna punctuates your thoughts.

Seems cold but baby no it doesn't have to be

Microwaving a mental tragedy

Watching it burning, it's beautiful and it's blue

And it's pitiful and it's blue, it's the other half of me

I didn't do it you lit the match for me

Now we're flying from the blast baby thats the thing..

Your tea is now cool enough to sip. A glob of frozen, vegan, chocolate chip cookie dough is the perfect accompaniment to the mild, unsweetened tea. You are flooded with satisfaction, reflecting on the time you've taken to develop your inner parent. The vibrating beat from Find Your Way Back by Beyonce moves your tea in tiny waves. The most painful moments in your life you've dealt with on your own. You are enough.

Find your way back

Big, big world, but you got it, baby

Find your way back

Don't let this life drive you crazy

Find your way back

You are grateful for the lessons and pieces of advice you've gleaned along the way. The cold hard truth is: you did the work to live comfortably in your own skin. You know yourself better than anyone else does. Trick Me by Kelis plays as you promise yourself to learn from your mistakes.

Might trick me once

Woah oh

I won't let you trick me twice

Woah oh

No I won't let you trick me twice

Those days are old and overdone

Always Love by Nada Surf plays next. Such an unassuming song but the lyrics really deliver gems. Love remains in many forms. Real love fulfilling in any of it’s forms from platonic, familial to self love true resonance with the reflection in the mirror.

Slow demands come 'round

Squeeze the air and keep the rest out

It helps to write it down

Even when you then cross it out

....

Self-directed lives

I want to know what it'd be like to

Aim so high above

Any card that you've been dealt, you

Always love

Hate will get you every time

Always love

Hate will get you

You now turn the fire off for the big pot. The bathtub is half-filled with the freezing cold water from the shower ealier and you carefully add the super hot water. The sweaters come off one after the other as Computer Blue by Prince plays, you can’t help but sing at the top of your lungs. Prince was teaching lessons about not settling on this track. You shimmy off the last layer of leggings and underwear and sink into the tub.

Until I find the righteous one, computer blue

Until I find the righteous one, computer blue

A truck honks outside and it almost sounds like a message that everything will be ok. Language by Porter Robinson resonates through the speakers.

Give me release

Let the waves of time and space surround me

Yeah

'Cause I need room to breathe

Let me float back to the place you found me

I'll be okay

You usually opt exclusively for the shower, but today, you appreciate sinking into the now hot water. Your toes feel like they're thawing. You smile. A smile that reaches deep inside you because you've done it! You've learned to be lonely. Learn to be Lonely by Minnie Driver from The Phantom of the Opera drifts from the living room and floats under the bathroom door to your ears.

Learn to be lonely

Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed out in the world

There are arms to hold you

You've always known

Your heart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness

Child of the wilderness

Learn to be lonely

Learn how to love life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely

Life can be lived

Life can be loved

Alone