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I Was a Teenage Punk Rocker

Punk rock, Alternative, Emo, Hard Rock, NuMetal. You name it, I probably listened to it. These are some of the songs that helped shape my angsty, teenage existence.

By Justine RuffPublished 3 years ago 14 min read
4

Oh the glory of the mid/late 90's and 2000's. The music was sometimes angry, loud, passionate, relatable. The time was full of black clothes, ripped skinny jeans, and band t-shirts. At least for me anyway. I was also suffering from an undiagnosed mental illness which made it seem like I could feel the music to the point of existing within it. My bestie was just as angsty as I was, matching my dark clothes and black eye makeup and sharing the troubles of boys, parents, and bad grades.

When I was 16 in 2004, my parents bought me a dark green, 1996 Buick LeSabre. I was the only one of my friends with a vehicle so I took it upon myself to put in a sound system so that we could rock out. This came with the creation of dozens of mixed CD's because it was right before the time of MP3's and IPods. I could easily put 100 songs on this list, but I chose 14 that have a story behind why they were and are meaningful to me. I picked 7 songs from each decade (90's and 00's) that defined my teenage angst and helped me get through those difficult years of my life.

Playlist:

Needle in the Hay" -Elliott Smith (1995)

I can't beat myself,

I can't beat myself,

and I don't wanna talk.

I'm taking the cure,

So I can be quiet,

dWhenever I want.

Oh, be still my aching heart. Elliott Smith makes me feel things deep and painful. If anyone has seen the cult classic The Royal Tenenbaums (2001), then you will likely remember the infamous scene where Luke Wilson's character Richie attempts suicide. When I listen to this song, it gives me goosebumps. Smith, whose sound often dripped with his depression, died from an apparant suicide in 2003. I myself made an attempt in 2006 so this song and the meaning behind it, which I have interpreted to be about the struggles he faced with mental illness, hits home. A needle in the hay, hard to find, impossible to understand and often not worth the time to find.

"Ruby Soho" -Rancid (1995)

Ruby's heart ain't beatin' 'cause she knows the feelin' is gone,

She's not the only one who knew there's somethin' wrong.

Little lover's in the distance as she wipes a tear from her eye,

Ruby's fading out, she disappears, it's time, time to say goodbye.

Rancid is one of my favorite punk rock bands. I could listen to them nonstop for hours. There is something about the loud lyrics, fun chords, and unforgettable bass and drum lines that will always feel like home to me. Underneath the loud sound, there are meaningful lyrics that read like poetry. "Ruby Soho" is hands down one of my favorite songs by them on my favorite record by them. It's a song about a girl, who is in love, but her lover is living a rock star kind of life and instead of being forgotten, she disappears. Does she die or does she leave? It doesn't say as her destination is unknown as it rings in the chorus. I also found myself at the heartbreaking end of love affair with a musician in my teen angst so Ruby, I get it.

"Eat The Meek" -NOFX (1997)

The factory mass produced fear, bottled,

Capped, distributed near and far,

Sold for a reasonable price,

And the people, they love it, they feed it,

Brush with it, bathe with it, breathe it,

Inject it direct to the blood,

It seems to be replacing love.

I love the lyrics of this entire song. The music is felt in my soul. Generally, you're getting loud, in your face, blatantly political lyrics, but this one hits me different than other songs by the band. There is still a political feel but with more of a personal touch. I remember the first time I heard it. I related to it so much. I was a new student my freshman year of high school, in a school and city that was much bigger than I was used to. I definitely felt "meek" and out of place often, like it wasn't my own. It is kind of funny saying that now because it has been 15 years since I have graduated and I started subbing in my high school's district. Today, I feel like I am apart of the community, not the meek 14 year old that would be devoured by a fast paced, upper middle class school structure who didn't necessarily accept "outsiders".

"Beautiful Disaster" - 311 (1997)

Beautiful disaster,

Flyin' down the street again.

I tried to keep up,

You wore me out and left me ate up,

Now I wish you all the luck,

You're a butterfly in the wind without a care.

A pretty train crash to me and I can't care,

I do, I don't, whatever.

I have always considered myself a beautiful disaster. I was born into chaos and naturally embraced it as my lifestyle. That's fine, until the entire world feels like it is spiraling and there is no place to hold on. The boys who were interested in me saw it. I was the kind of girl in my early teens that would go on one date with a guy, and never call him back. Looking for love wasn't in my radar until I was closer to 18, but attraction and wanting to be wanted was a strong desire. I imagined them writing this song about me because I have often felt like a "butterfly in the wind" and "a pretty train crash," having one love interest constantly referring to me as "beautiful and free with a flaky side."

"Everlong" -Foo Fighters (1997)

Breathe out,

So I can breathe you in,

Hold you in.

And now,

I know you've always been,

Out of your head,

Out of my head, I sang.

This song, even as overplayed as it has been, will never get old to me. It still makes me feel a twinge of pain in my heart because it reminds me of a love I lost. We were both a little out of our heads and too young to know any better, one of the few guys that I actually fell for and wanted to chase. Nothing does last for ever and holding onto a teenage love when you're trying to figure out how to love yourself is a very tricky thing indeed.

"Pardon Me" - Incubus (1999)

I need you to hear,

I need you to see,

That I have had all I can take,

And exploding seems like an imminent possibility,

To me.

"Pardon Me" comes off of Incubus's album Make Yourself, an album I have listened to hundreds of time. I am listening to it right now as I type, because each song has meaning to me. I can relate to this one because it's about feeling like exploding because the pressures to perform and be what society wants an expects of you. People can make this world a very hard place and so the song is about spontaneously combusting and becoming a phoenix, rising from the fire. I know I was in a constant state of internal combustion due to the amount of emotions I dealt with and my inability to process them until they naturally went away. I still scream the lyrics with my windows rolled down on full volume.

"Wait and Bleed" -Slipknot (1999)

I've felt the hate rise up in me,

Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves,

I wander out where you can't see,

Inside my shell I wait and bleed.

Not only was I angsty, I was legitimately angry. I was in a brand new high school, with a brand new step father, and a brand new life. A life that I didn't want to change. When I first heard this song I was probably 13 or 14 and I freaking loved it. The angry music, angry lyrics, screaming vocals. I understood what it felt like to be a shell of myself, waiting for whatever was going to happen next. I found myself wanting to scream, but instead taking it out on myself and causing myself pain. It was an anger that I had into my late teenage years and early twenties and to have music like this in a time where I really needed it was a mental Godsend regardless of the darkness of the song. If they could feel this angry and turn it into a song, then what I was feeling was acceptable and real. It made it onto many of my playlists.

"Soco Amaretto Lime" -Brand New (2001)

I'm gonna stay eighteen forever,

So we can stay like this forever.

And we'll never miss a party,

'Cause we keep them going constantly.

And we'll never have to listen,

To anyone about anything.

'Cause it's all been done and,

It's all been said,

We're the coolest kids and we

Take what we can get.

This song will always remind me of my bestie at the time, Mallorie. Like me, she was dealing with a lot of emotional issues within her own life, so we deepened our bond with a love for the same music. It was music that we could use to speak to each other when words didn't suffice. We were each other's person and we did everything together, including sneaking out of her parent's home multiple times a month and cruising one of the main roads in Colorado Springs until early morning. We had our music loud and sang the lyrics word for word together, feeling at peace to have found someone who needed these words too.

"Punk Rock Princess" -Something Corporate (2003)

If you could be my Punk Rock Princess,

I would be your Garage Band King,

You could tell me why you just don't fit in,

And how you're gonna be something.

If I could be your first real heartache,

I would do it all over again.

If you could be my Punk Rock Princess,

I would be your Heroin.

Chat rooms were a huge thing when I was in high school. I found myself often relating more to people on the internet than I did in real life. During this time I made several internet friends, some that exposed me to some of my favorite music. A punk rock boy from California introduced me to this song, and even sang it to me on webcam! Getting deeper into my life as a teenager, I wanted so badly to be a punk rock princess, a garage band king would have been cool, but it was always more about me and having the idea of wanting someone to be infatuated with me.

"Drinking for Eleven" -Mad Caddies (2003)

I wanna know what you're feeling if you're feeling alone,

I wanna hear that you still care.

The last time I remember you,

Was the last time I wasn't scared.

This song will always remind me of a soldier I was madly in love with when I was 18. I ached for him because when I met him, he was being deployed to another base across the country and we only had two days together. At the time, I had never felt such intense love for another person and as the song goes, I did find myself drinking when I missed him, especially since the relationship turned emotionally abusive and I thought not being with him would kill me. That relationship has been dead and gone for over a decade and as much as I love this song, it still stings my heart a little bit.

"Minerva" -Deftones (2003)

So God bless you all,

For the song you saved us, oh.

For the hearts you break, every time you moan.

And God bless you all on the Earth.

Deftones are hands down my favorite band. They continue to come out with moving albums full of deep lyrics and heavy music. They are original and unique in so many ways, and this song proves it. The intro is moving in itself, and once the song picks up momentum, I get goosebumps, I am even getting them just thinking about the song right now. Without this band, I don't know if I would have survived my teen angst. It makes me smile, it makes me hopeful, and it makes me feel like if we could all be connected by a song to help bring the world together, this one could do it. There is a melancholic peace that it brings when it is all tied together, and the lyrics I have shared is the last part of the song, showing the strength and the simplicity of a beautiful song creating the ability to move people.

"The Future Freaks Me Out" -Motion City Soundtrack (2003)

Betty can't quit carving question marks in my wrist,

How come we're so alone?

We waste away the days with nicotine and television samples,

Of an era we hate to admit we embrace.

This is another song my bestie Mallorie and I loved. We saw the music video before we heard the song itself so it became an overall love affair with both the music and their creativity. We will still, to this day, do robot dance moves we picked up from the music video when we hear this song. So many of their lyrics centered around the lead singer's depression, so I related to him and thought that somehow he was relating to me. They never became a big, famous band, but they will always hold a special place in my life because of the memories that were created.

"Welcome Home" -Coheed and Cambria (2005)

You could've been all I wanted,

But you weren't honest now get in the ground.

You choked off the surest of favors,

But if you really loved me you would've endured my world.

This song rocks. Hard. If the intro doesn't get you on your feet, then you aren't listening to it right. It has to be one of the greatest. The lyrics not only add to its greatness, it makes it a perfect rock song in my humble opinion. For me, it is definitely angsty and I found myself headbanging and dancing while belting out the lyrics. Singing this song always seemed to help release the pain and anxiety I might be feeling, especially as I made my way from serial dater to hopeless romantic and had my heart broken for the first time.

"Lights in the Sky" -Nine Inch Nails (2008)

Watching you drown,

I'll follow you down,

And I am here right beside you.

The lights in the sky are waving goodbye,

And I am staying right beside you.

This is another song that hits me right in the heart as soon as I hear the intro. This song came out right as my teen angst was coming to a halt and my adulthood was being reached. This is another song that made me miss my solider, often feeling as though we were deeply rooted and connected in the most penetrable way, mistaking abuse for love. He would ignore me for days, sometimes weeks, and when he would contact me, I always came crawling back. I wrote deep, dark poetry about our relationship, so when this song came out, I felt like I could have easily wrote these lyrics. It felt like we were attached in a way that if one was going down, the other would follow instinctively.

Teenage angst looks different on everyone, especially depending on the time that they get to go through that stage of their lives. I always felt like I should have been born 10 years earlier, based on so much of the music that I loved, but when it really comes down to it, I think I was born at just the right time. The mix of the loud, hard rock that blasted us in the 90's helped mold a new wave of punk rock and emo that i thrived on in the 00'. The music I had at my fingertips was exactly what I needed to not only get through, but survive my angry, painful teenage years.

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About the Creator

Justine Ruff

Justine Ruff lives in Southern Colorado with her one husband, two children, four dogs, and a meow.

Justine’s first novel, Take My Whole Life Too, was met with many rave reviews and praise. .

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