Hallowed Be Thy Set

Bruce Dickinson was singing about the Battle of Britain, and it was the first time I cried in a gym. I was 11 weeks out from my first bodybuilding competition, and had consumed the same white fish and green beans for so long that I had come to view the meal as my enemy. As I performed the last set of squats, my legs were shaking and the introductory riff of Aces High blared through my headphones like an air raid siren. I placed the barbell back onto the rack, sat down on the bench, and began crying into my towel. After my bout of self-pity, I completed another set.

Metal Helps When You Are Hungry

Daily training was the only aspect of contest preparation I looked forward to. By the final month before the competition, virtually all other aspects of my life were measured and recorded on a spreadsheet taped to my refrigerator. The gym was the only place nobody questioned how many grams of rice I consumed. Low-carb diets adversely affect your mind. They cause you to become overly emotional about advertising for gravy.

Additionally, restrictive diets exacerbate the negative effects of pop music. Anything with a bright, bouncy chorus sounds like someone trying to cheer you up at a funeral. But Iron Maiden songs give the impression riding into battle. By week eight of contest preparation, it was just what I needed. Steve Harris creates bass lines that gallop along. When you are three repetitions from failure, this provides your body with something to synchronize with, which is better than hearing the voice inside your head telling you to put the barbell down.

Prep Playlist in Order of Suffering

The Trooper was the song I used to accompany my shoulder workouts. It describes the Charge of the Light Brigade, a military action that is infamous due to its catastrophic failure. It's the ideal soundtrack for overhead pressing on an empty stomach. Hallowed Be Thy Name was the song I listened to while performing my leg workouts. This one describes a man awaiting execution at dawn. I felt more empathy for that prisoner than I should have. I continue to believe that Rime of the Ancient Mariner has only one appropriate application. At thirteen minutes and forty-five seconds long, it nearly approximates a fasting cardio workout. By the time the ship is stationary during the slow middle portion of the song, you will also have come to a stop.

House Divided

My husband is a Northern Soul fan. He has attempted to convert me to his style of music by playing Frank Wilson more times than I have eaten chicken breast. And believe me, I have eaten a significant amount of chicken breast. Every morning during contest preparation, my husband drove me to the gym. We established an agreement regarding music selection. He chose the music on our way to the gym; I selected the music on our way home. On the outward journey, I gazed out of the window contemplating rice cakes. And on our way home each afternoon, I experienced an abundance of endorphins that would allow me to tolerate a brass band. That is why I know all of the lyrics to Do I Love You.

Show Day

Backstage at a bodybuilding show smells like fake tan and Haribo candy. Every competitor appears to be mahogany colored; nobody looks natural. The woman next to me was doing push-ups against a fire door to create a pump. I wore one earbud, and had saved Wasted Years until this very moment because it discusses recognizing what lies before you while it still exists. Adrian Smith composed the song after experiencing homesickness while touring.

While wearing rhinestone heels that prevented me from walking normally and eating a jelly baby that I had been informed I could eat, I listened to Wasted Years over and over. I placed fourth. I have never felt more pride about anything.

Now

These days I train with a pair of dumbbells in the spare room, just to keep fit. Nobody weighs my rice. The playlist hasn’t changed much, though Aces High still makes my eyes sting a little, and I’ve stopped pretending that it's sweat.