Floating Above It

When I entered the 9th grade, it was into a hyper-competitive school with a strict dress code and heavy homework assignments. The small charter school had opened just two years prior and promised a revolutionary way for its young students to get a leg up in the college admissions process. Any student who stayed on course with their classes would graduate with both a high school diploma and an associate’s degree. My mom thought it was a brilliant idea. She wasted no time getting the application and wearing me down to the point where exchanging my high school social life for more homework didn’t seem utterly insane.

To top it off, to prepare us for the “increased” workload of our soon-to-be day-to-day routine, they held a transitional summer camp…for a month at the beginning of my 8th-grade SUMMER VACATION. First, we tackled how to cite something in MLA format properly; this was followed up with an assignment to write a three-page informative article in MLA format. Next, they covered how to write a research paper, followed by an assignment to write a 10-page research paper DURING SUMMER BREAK, due the first day of school. Then they put us through an intensive one-week training regime to prepare us for taking an academic exam that would give us the green light to take college classes. On the last day of classes, I left school a changed person. I was officially registered for my college courses, and I had a new habit of biting my nails when stressed.

The beginning of 9th grade started in a whirlwind. The principal gave a speech at the top of the morning. She cautioned us that nobody is truly smart, and all that’s need to pass a class is hard work and effort. She then instructed us to look to the left and right of ourselves. “The person you see beside you might not be graduating with you.” Before I knew it, I had bitten my thumbnail off. Every teacher assigned us homework, and the geography teacher told us there would be a test on Wednesday. The English teacher from the transitional program graded my research paper 81, and I chewed my pinkie nail off.

On Friday, we met our College professors; they went over the class syllabus and informed us studying was important because most of the class would ride on the tests. One professor, in particular, said his class was essentially a lecture with no homework and four tests. “Fail one, and you’re in danger of failing the class”. My index nail disappeared. I failed the geography test and was placed in mandatory tutoring every Tuesday and Thursday. At this point, my nails were in a constant stated of being chewed off. It wasn’t until I was sent to the nurse’s office for making my thumb bleed did I realize I had a problem.

“This isn’t sustainable,” I thought to myself. I needed something to help me relax. That night I explained to my mom just how frazzled I felt, and she thoughtfully replied, “why don’t you try meditation?” I thought about it; at that point, I had nothing to lose. “Why not?” At 11 pm on Friday, I sat on my bedroom floor and closed my eyes and …fell asleep. I woke up at 8 am on Saturday feeling refreshed and annoyed I couldn’t meditate properly. Over the course of the week, I tried again with the same results. Every time I sat still, no matter the time of day, I would fall asleep. “There has to be something I’m missing” I thought. Then one day, while sitting still and attempting not to dose off, my phone rang. In the 9th grade, I set my ringtone as my favorite song Odin Sphere's Theme. The call was spam but the feeling I had in that moment of sitting still and listening to my favorite song was like an epiphany. Even though it only lasted for a minute, I felt lighter, I felt relaxed, I felt happy. I needed music.

Over the course of my high school years, I curated a playlist of my favorite meditation songs. Through trial and error, I realized the songs I love most have an ethereal sound to them. It helps me “float” above my problems. As the playlist goes on, the ethereal sound gets dark so I can “ground” back on earth. Almost like at the beginning, I’m on a plane to a happier place and towards the end, I’m standing at the baggage claim to get my better day.

The first song I added was A perfect day by Miriam Stockley; the floaty vocals and lyrics of a day where everything is calm were an instant relaxer during stressful times.

The second song was Toki ni Umoreta Kotoba by Akiko Shikata, a piece written in a nonsensical language that gives off strong fairy princess vibes. Every time the two-minute song plays, I can feel myself dancing in a field of bluebells and morning glories.

Gekko by Felt is a short instrumental that makes me nostalgic for a time I was never in. I can image myself standing in an endless field with the wind blowing in my hair as I watch the sunset.

As time went on, I found myself adding more and more pieces to my playlist. Some were from video games, some were in a different language, but they all helped me relax. At the end of 9th grade, I completed my classes with A’s and B’s, long nails, and a floaty playlist.