First-ever celebrity crush

The only woman who can fill the bill of a suitable celebrity crush material is Linda Ronstadt. As a young boy, sitting in the classrooms of South Saint Paul's High School, I couldn't help but marvel at her presentation of Different Drummer (in 1966). Her voice would fill the classroom with her sweet, heartfelt need for moving on with her life and dumping the loser who didn't have the necessary right stuff to fill her life. Oh that poor young man, so close to her, yet still so inadequate. Saying to himself, maybe she might come back ... ? But no, of course she would move on and on, always forward. Living, loving, laughing, grabbing life’s essential, vital essence and squeezing out every last drop of enjoyment from it.

After Different Drummer, there seemed to be years of silence, the hits on the radio came and went, populated by young, lovely ladies, who all wailed for our attention, with their need for boyfriends, the true loves that would never leave. At least until they became bored with them. Still, all of them, almost to the complete exhaustion of available possibilities, simply couldn't match Linda’s charm and talent. Although, let's face it, many had considerably better racks, which for some reason, didn't seem to really mater all that much. Things were more than a bit perplexing and yet still completely in order. There may only be one such woman in a generation or none at all. When they are here, everyone pays attention.

Then in 1970, without warning, "Long, long time", wafted across the empty spaces of my life. The same voice that had my attention with Different Drummer, told of the emptiness she felt from Love not finding her. All alone with endless men around her who all said, "Baby, I have something for you!" Still, there was no real connection, and she was still available! After all of the men who flocked around her? Utterly, remarkable!

The years went by, hit after hit showed all of us her talent. Her themes of Love which couldn’t find her and Men she moved away from, because of their flaws or hollow souls which kept real love from taking root and growing, still drew our attention, "Poor, poor pitiful me", comes to mind. Forgotten Linda, waiting by the Railroad tracks for the train to bring her the one true love she needed and hoped for. What living Hell could produce men of that sort?! ”You’re no good,” amazed us with men who wouldn’t love her as any woman needs. To be left empty handed.

Other singers caught our attention, Susanna Hoffs, Belinda Carlisle, Gin Wigmore and even Sheryl Crow emerged, to our delight. Hoffs still has the potential for real viability, it still could happen. No, for me it will always be Linda Ronstadt! No other woman can compare.

This is a cultural phenomenon of how she has remained single. Her wealth allows her flexibility to pick and choose. She is simply gorgeous. Any man would be intrigued. Her disposition is sweet and friendly. She is almost universally loved. I’ve never seen a single unkind word printed about her. Her complexion is near flawless, with a complementary slim figure. Her hair is always perfect. When she fell from Heaven, she landed, lightly on her feet and immediately moved to musical stardom. She cleverly noted the culture she was to excel in and found its strengths and weaknesses, at a profit. Simultaneously understanding the deeper aspects of that culture, on both personal and group levels. While, frequently helping former musicians in her bands.

As I write this, the manifest absurdity of her not finding a man of her dreams is beyond comprehension. If no one else is interested, I’m still available. She would have to go to the gym and lose some weight, I still have my standards.