Faith No More - An ode to the perfect band

In 1993, when I was 12 years old, I discovered a band that would change the way I viewed music forever; so profound was their effect on me that not a day has gone by since when they haven’t entered my consciousness on some level.

That band was five oddballs from San Francisco, calling themselves Faith No More.

Admittedly I was a little late to the party. Faith No More had been active since 1984 and had already gone through significant line up changes before they entered my world. The initial departure of vocalist Chuck Mosley to make way for Mike Patton, and the dismissal of guitarist Big Sick Jim Martin (something many fans have never gotten over) were already in the past.

It was a little movie called Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey that brought them crashing into my world. With its concept of a utopia fuelled by 80s hair metal, it is an endlessly charming comedy sequel very much of its time. A utopia that sadly didn’t happen, neither did we get the Faith No More Spiritual and Theological Centre that the movie predicted.

There’s still time.

At this point I was still using a tape recorder pressed against the television set to nab snippets of music from movie soundtracks that caught my attention.

But one evening in that fateful year, my Dad returned home from the library having purchased a selection of second hand, ex-rental CDs.

The rush of exhilaration as the soundtrack CD was dropped into my lap was an incredible feeling.

But not as incredible as when I put the headphones on, selected track 7, pressed play and turned the volume up…

The Perfect Crime by Faith No More filled my young ears.

For the first time I could hear more than the ten second snippet from the movie, I could actually hear THE WHOLE SONG.

Remember this was 1993.

No YouTube. No Spotify. No mobile phones. Very little access to the internet full stop.

My chances of getting my hands on this sort of music relied on someone I knew already owning it and, even less likely, actually lending it to me.

That was it, the indefinable, completely impossible to categorise glory of Faith No More was with me forever.

Not quite metal, not quite pop, not quite hip-hop and not quite soul.

Not quite anything except 100% unique.

I spent the next few years devouring their back catalogue. Analysing it and absorbing it.

The tribal thunder of Mike Bordin. Billy Gould’s head melting bass. Roddy Bottum and his strangely out of place but utterly essential synthesizers.

Jim Martin, the man with the guitar tone that only he can create.

Trey and Jon each laying down their own take on to an already daunting and lavish palette.

Then those two vocalists.

On We Care A Lot and Introduce Yourself Chuck Mosley told us his stories in a likably damaged, sometimes shambolic but always utterly soulful voice.

When Mr. Bungle’s ridiculously young Mike Patton stepped up to the microphone he took the band into new and uncharted territory.

A friend gave me a cassette of The Real Thing. I exchanged a packet of cigarettes for a copy of Angel Dust.

I used my pocket money to buy King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime from a friend who didn’t like it. Yes I had to read that sentence twice.

By the time Album Of The Year came out in 1997 I had a Saturday job and I actually bought it myself!

I used the short space between two GCSE exams to cycle into town. I slipped into the now sadly closed Quarterdeck music store in Newquay and dutifully purchased the CD.

I had to wait until after my second exam of the day to actually play the thing.

I took those records and I consumed them until they became part of my DNA.

That they split a few years later in 1998 broke my heart but I was lucky enough to see them live on their final tour.

(Thanks again to my very music savvy parents, they drove me from Newquay to Wolverhampton and back in one night – a 400 mile round trip – to witness this gig. They know when music is worth travelling for.)

My teenage ears discovered that Patton is a unique talent to say the least. An obsession with his music has stayed with me into later life.

With an unbelievable vocal range and a work ethic that is exhausting to observe let alone take part in he managed to become an essential part of the Faith No More machine without ever dominating it or stealing centre stage.

I spent those wilderness years hoping that he would one day return to sing for them.

*

2009 brought the news of a reunion and the stars aligned for me to be one of the lucky few. I witnessed their first ever show in 12 years at the legendary Brixton Academy, a moment I thought I would never see.

The gig itself sold out in a matter of minutes and even though I was there right at the very second they went on sale I was unsuccessful.

I stared at the screen, credit card clutched in my hand, as the sold out message shouted cruelly out at me.

In true determined fan fashion however I went to the venue anyway. After making friends with a couple of fans outside who were in a similar predicament we shared between us a paper sign that stated we were desperately in need of tickets. Over the course of the next hour or so we all managed to get tickets from various members of the gathering throng. Fans buying tickets from fans. Take that touts.

When it was announced in 2014 that a new album was on the horizon I waited with baited breath.

So many years had passed since the last time I had actually pressed play on brand new Faith No More music. I didn’t quite believe it was actually happening. I couldn’t predict how Sol Invictus would sound.

In fact I’ve never been able to predict how each album would sound other than how Faith No More feel like sounding at that particular moment in time.

I only knew one fact.

I would love it.

And I did.

And I saw them on that tour too of course.

Now I find myself purchasing every single other project that each member of the band, past and present, have put their name to. With the sheer amount of product that Patton alone puts out I have probably spent enough to bankroll him for life.

I’m sure there are fans out there who will tell me that Faith No More are their least favourite of Patton’s projects and that they are pure Bungle all the way.

That’s fine. I love all of that as well.

We can all co-exist happily.

I buy it all. I love it all. I absorb it all.

I even own Patton’s two solo records – Adult Themes For Voice and Pranzo Oltranzista.

I imagine even the man himself would laugh at me for purchasing those.

But I don’t care. Like Pavlov’s dog, these things are announced and I dutifully press that pre-order button without question.

And I will forever until I hear the words I long for constantly:

A new Faith No More album is on the way.

*

I look back at the events in my life since that day in 1993. So much has happened in the last twenty eight years.

I have pursued one career, retrained in another and happily thrown myself into it.

I got married. I became a Father. Sadly I got divorced.

I have witnessed friends and family around me marry, split up and give birth.

Some of those people are sadly no longer with us.

Somewhere in the middle of all of this I managed to meet and say all of this to Chuck Mosley. He shook my hand and spoke to me warmly.

Hell I even hugged the man.

He very kindly and graciously listened to me ramble. He was a gentleman who seemed genuinely humbled by my words. In fact it was just a drunken attempt at communicating the impact him and his band had had on me.

My friend said the best part of the evening was watching my eyes bulge out of my head when I realised he was standing near me.

He sadly passed away a little over a year later and left a fantastic legacy. I’m glad that he began to tell his own story again towards the end.

Chuck released a record of demos before his final tour which I of course purchased. When I opened up the gatefold record and read the liner notes I was stunned to see my name. He had thanked me in the credits for playing his music on a radio show I had presented. I never got to thank him for this but he must have known that it was absolutely my honour.

*

In 2021 I am a different person than I was 28 years ago.

Through it all there has been one constant, a band that (whether they knew it or not) have been with me and sound tracked every step of the way.

When arts funding gets cut yet again or narrow minded people tell artists of any kind to “get a real job” just have a think about your own life. What band had the same impact on you? What book? What film? What poem? Play? Painting?

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that art is not important.

*

I cannot wait for what Faith No More does next.

I have no idea how it will sound or what it will even be.

It will simply be uniquely Faith No More.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Mike P, Mike B, Chuck, Roddy, Jim, Trey, Jim, Dean, Billy, and any other members in the ranks that I have missed.

Thank you.

It’s been a hell of a ride so far.

Here’s to the next 28 years.

Footnote:

Ultimately everyone has an artist that they connect with on a different level to everything else. Mine just happens to be Faith No More - I’m not saying that my choice is more important than yours!

However should this have inspired you to check them out then you could start with this playlist.

It’s by no means definitive but a great place to start.

Arabian Disco (We Care A Lot)

As The Worm Turns (We Care A Lot)

Chinese Arithmetic (Introduce Yourself)

The Crab Song (Introduce Yourself)

The Real Thing (The Real Thing)

Zombie Eaters (The Real Thing)

Kindergarten (Angel Dust)

Be Aggressive (Angel Dust)

King For A Day (King For A Day Fool For A Lifetime)

Just A Man (King For A Day Fool For A Lifetime)

Stripsearch (Album Of The Year)

Pristina (Album Of The Year)

Cone Of Shame (Sol Invictus)

Separation Anxiety (Sol Invictus)