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An Emo Music Theory

How the Music of My Youth Helped Me Process My Emotions

By Stephanie Bojanek Published 3 years ago 5 min read
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My Old Senior Photo by T.H. Peterson Photography

The confession that I never left my emo phase has to be made. I often look in the mirror and get excited because I am now my younger self’s version of cool. A subject I like to think is not debatable. It is not just my look that would have younger me doing cartwheels though. Not only was I daydreaming about who my next crush was going to be every other day, but I was also daydreaming about ways I could improve myself as a person. I would be more than happy to report to my inner child all the meditation, therapy, and various self-improvement activities they tried, paid off.

You are probably wondering how therapy and meditation have to do with my angsty teen playlist. It's simple, music is where I started my first personal transformation. Whether it was Never Shout Never lulling me to sleep with their cries of a heart that loves too much, or Death Cab for Cutie driving me to dreaded high school, music was the only stable part of my youth. I didn’t grow in a nurturing environment. My parents, both, were raised in abusive households where no one was taught how to process life events or emotions. Nor being open-minded to getting help because no one could handle being told the truth. So you can assume I got the equivalent of that mess for parents.

So to save you from the details of my traumatic childhood I would like to share bits and pieces of it through songs. These are songs I listened to on repeat. The ones that helped me escape a seemingly inescapable situation. The ones that comforted me to sleep during loss. Even the ones that hyped me up to go to a gas station job I hated. So buckle up! We are taking a deep dive into my past and possibly a place of nostalgia for you.

A photo of me from 2003: proof of my Emo phase

I want to start out strong with a classic. Hello by Evanescence is a song hard for me to hear now. A good friend sang this song at our high school talent show months before they passed away in a car accident. We were about to start our sophomore year of high school when the accident happened. The weeks following my loss you could find me drowning inside these words Evanescence flawlessly strings together in their usual eerie tone. This song helped me cry when I couldn’t find the tears to mourn. Which isn’t unusual as I was a huge fan of the band; then and now. They guided me through some really intense mental health issues I was having. Issues that went untreated for many years into my adulthood. Overall my favorite of theirs was the popular Bring Me To Life and Going Under. Evanescence was a brave place for me to feel my feelings and release them. I’m happy to know they released a new album for 2021.

Let’s move on to something a little less emo and little more punk. I went through my screamo phase... (a phase my partner wishes I was still in)... although I do enjoy a good oldie from the past I have mostly hung up my hardcore metal band days. I’m well aware that doesn’t erase the sleepless nights of my past due to excitement for warped tour the next morning. I wasn’t sure if I was more excited for the music or being surrounded by other emo-punk humans. Screamo is where I found my first family and started getting a taste for adventure. From riding in my friends hood-less car while fireworks exploded all around us with our favorite Asking Alexandrias Stand Up and Scream Album playing, to getting a guitar pick thrown to you by the Bassist of Woe Is Me during their Family First song. Life was finally at a turning point. I wasn’t alone anymore.

That leads me back to my Never Shout Never phase. What I loved about Stephen was his ability to be such a torn person and still love fiercely. I blame him mostly for my hopeful spirit in adulthood. The stories he told through song were relatable. My soft hearted-ness was taken advantage of and abused too many times for me to count. While Never Shout Never does sing about potential lovers, like you can see here in his song Jane Doe, he also created songs that were congruent with my own past. Like you can see in his song The Past. There isn’t a song I don’t like from this artist. They released a recent album that I haven’t gotten around to listening to, so I shouldn’t speak too soon. Although I’m confident it’s just as heart felt as any other album.

Me on stage for my senior solo dancing to Floating On Air by Kerli

I will leave you with my all time favorite, Kerli. Saying I felt different from everybody else in my little hick town is an understatement. The constant worries of why everyone else seeming content on keeping life the same except me kept me up at night. Thankfully I had extracurricular activities. One of which was competing with a dance studio that was located thirty minutes outside of my town. While I was still pretty different from your average dancer... (not many dancers had large tattoos and piercings)... the people at my studio accepted me for who I was. Not only accepted but embraced. My brain suffers from chemical imbalances that cause severe depression and anxiety. The dance studio was where I got some relief. It was where I could move my body in ways that expressed and released built up emotions. I danced to many songs but the one that stays with me is Floating On Air by Kerli. This was the song I danced my last dance to. The seniors had the privilege of dancing solo as a way to say goodbye. It was a beautiful experience being able to dance so rawly in front of so many people. A memory I cherish still.

I hope you find the songs that push you through life. The ones that will ease any loneliness you feel along life’s journey. Especially ones that guide you through naming your emotions and facing them bravely head on. Maybe my little list of nostalgia can help you start.

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About the Creator

Stephanie Bojanek

Editor of The Failing Artist mag 🎨 Ghostwriter & copywriter by day, novelist by night 📚 Lover of Erotic, Fiction, Horror, Nonfiction, and essays 🖋️ Let's challenge norms and unleash our artistic souls!

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