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a feeling so peculiar: it’s now or Evermore

review and analysis

By Jordan ParkinsonPublished 3 years ago 21 min read
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I think it goes without saying that right now is an absolutely perfect time to be a Taylor Swift fan. Besides the fact that this has always been the case, the fan base is being absolutely attacked with feast after feast after feast the last year – and we’re only ready for more.

I remember when Folklore came out (you’ll find my post/review about that here), and all of the emotions I felt. Good grief, that album is fantastic. Groundbreaking. Incredible. What has marked Taylor’s work for quite a while is her tendency to do the unexpected, and never has that been more prevalent than in the last year. Folklore came out of nowhere, and then suddenly: Evermore.

As you should know, Evermore came out in early December 2020 and is the sister album to Folklore, which is again something Taylor has never done. Besides going absolutely ballistic, many of us were so excited about the aspect of the “sister” album. Folklore was full of so many stories, thoughts, and ideas that the prospect of getting more of that was tantalizing to say the very least. I think one of the best decisions Taylor made about these two albums was to announce their release 24 hours before it happened. In that way, she saved the entire world from a new phenomenon known as: death by anticipation. (I didn’t mean to hearken back to Lover there, but it totally works and now I will take credit.)

It just so happened that Evermore dropped at 6 a.m. on the morning that I was traveling back home for Christmas from London. So, since I was busy getting my flat in order and getting to the airport on time with all my stuff, I didn’t listen to the album until well into my flight home. I waited until meal service was over and all the lights were off – until the time was absolutely perfect for me to have a transcendent experience. I had listened to Folklore all the way to the airport, getting ready for that moment when it wouldn’t be the most recent music to my ears anymore.

I think the mistake I made, and I literally talk about this every single time I post an album review and I still have failed to learn from my shortcomings, was watching the “willow” music video and thus listening to the song before I listened to just the song itself. Take it from me, who has done this way too many times: please don’t do this. Again, do not do this. The reason being that you spend more time watching the music video, particularly ones like this that are rich with visuals, than you do listening to the song, and thus everything is skewed. As a result, I wasn’t really into “willow” at first. I had to listen to it many times just on its own before it began to feel good to me.

But, with that established, come with me on this journey. You’re sitting on a dark airplane, a seven-hour flight ahead of you, followed by a five-hour flight and then a 45-minute flight, at the end of which is Christmas, your sister, and her puppy. And you push play on Taylor Swift’s latest album:

#1 willow

The above was a brief explanation of how I felt about this song at first, but let’s jump ahead just a bit to where I liked it. Last Christmas, I spent hours and hours and hours wrapping gifts. I’ve always helped to wrap gifts at Christmas since my family is the size of a small country, and so I’m great at it. Very experienced. I should put it on my resume really. But this year, for whatever reason, it worked out that my schedule was really the only one open to this activity. So, I wrapped. And wrapped. And wrapped. I wrapped everybody’s gifts except my own, and then on Christmas Eve I went to my brother’s house and wrapped all the gifts they got for their kids, too. The reason I talk about this for way too long and seemingly unnecessarily is because while I spent my Christmas season covered in tape and paper fragments, this album was playing in the background. And it was during this time that I learned to love “willow”.

One of the things I love most about this song, nay, what I love most about this song is the powerful lyrics. The music is simple enough that it opens the way for a tidal wave of beautiful lyrics, which you are absolutely blessed by. It’s lovely.

#2 champagne problems

I will never forget the moment that this song began playing on the airplane. It was the first song that I hadn’t heard before, so running from “willow” my brain didn’t know what to expect. And then it began playing through my headphones and it felt as though it completely washed over me. I listened to every word as if it was being painted on my skin in real time. During the first chorus I began crying, and luckily no flight attendant was present for that. I just sat and silently wept as I listened to this beautiful, haunting song.

It is one of Taylor’s saddest songs. I think that, as listeners, one of the first things we look for in a song is whether or not we can relate to it. Our favorite music is usually the music that we find a piece of ourselves in. I explain this very well in my Folklore post, but I’ve spent a lot of time realizing that even if I relate to a song, it doesn’t make that song my life or have any indication for where my life will go. That being said, I don’t really relate to this song very much. The line of this song that hits me the very most in the heart is the line that makes this an explicit song, “’She would’ve made such a lovely bride, what a shame she’s f*cked in the head’, they said. But you’ll find the real thing instead. She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred.” I don’t really know why, but that’s the one that cuts really deeply for me.

There is, if you will, a thread or two in the tapestry of this song that pulls at my heart, but in general, my experience listening to it and crying about it was the completely overwhelming feeling of being placed in somebody’s heartbreaking experience and feeling a bit of it on their behalf. I believe that’s the empath in me. The story in this song is devastating, and the lyrics very poignantly express that, not to mention the absolutely overwhelming waves of piano that drive it all home. It’s easily one of Taylor’s very best.

#3 gold rush

Okay, gotta be honest. When I heard this song on the plane, I was disappointed. I mean, I’d just come off this high of an experience with “champagne problems”, so maybe this song was doomed to have this reaction at first. But I think the real reason I was disappointed in this song wasn’t necessarily because I didn’t like it, but because I didn’t understand it. For whatever reason, it took me a long time to figure out what this on was talking about. But after I figured that out, I realized that not only did it make sense, not only did I very much relate to this song, but the song itself is a nice addition to this album. What I find both challenging and fun about Evermore is the occasional track that seems to zig-zag the song pattern. And I feel like “gold rush” is absolutely one of these songs, mostly because of the music and how the story is presented. After some time, I realized that I really enjoy this one.

#4 ‘tis the damn season

What can one say about this song? Well, a lot, to be honest. It is actually a partner song with Track 8, which is one thing I love love love about these two albums. Hearing the stories from different perspectives is so beautiful and adds so much depth to the work.

Okay, so this song is actually kind of sad in a lot of ways. For me, it is about the conflict between wants. The girl in this song, who is later named in Track 8 as Dorothea, has spent a great deal of time chasing her dreams. And though she’s been successful, I think she comes to realize that the things which truly matter in this life and last aren’t to be found where she sought them. This is mostly present in the oft-repeated line, “It always leads to you and my hometown.” I feel like this idea comes up again and again and again in all of the music I listen to, not just Taylor’s. Maybe that’s a sign of some kind. This brings me to the other aspect of this song: how it automatically sends you into self-reflection mode. You’d never expect that from the title, or really even from the first portion of the song. But by the end of it, you’re thinking deeply about your own life and whether or not you find yourself in a similar position in any way. And besides the introspectiveness and perfect lyrics, the music is spectacular as well. It’s the kind of song you find yourself really enjoying and almost jamming to (I mean, it’s not a banger by any means, but the music is fun), until you realize that there’s quite a bit of substance waiting to be consumed and digested. I suppose what I’m saying is that this song was a beautiful and very nice surprise.

#5 tolerate it

This song is so sad. This song is so, so, so sad. Anybody who is a Taylor fan will know that Track 5 of every album she releases is always a very deeply emotional song. It’s just a pattern with Taylor that we all know and love. Track 5 is always important in that way. Folklore’s Track 5 was 100% uncalled for. Again, refer to that post. Normally I wouldn’t reference another album really at all, let alone so much. But these are sister albums, so it feels okay.

ANYWAY, since I am aware of Taylor’s patterns and traditions it wasn’t necessarily a surprise to find that this song gave you a seemingly perfect picture and then made you watch it shatter. I think what made this song especially hard to swallow were, kind of like “champagne problems”, the few threads that were attached to my own heart and experiences. Now I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT relate to a relationship like this. I think a relationship like this is a form of abuse and therefore is incredibly sad and entirely unacceptable: nobody deserves to be with somebody who ignores them in every single way and merely tolerates their presence in their life. The most haunting part of this song is, “You assume I’m fine, but would you do if I break free and leave us in ruins. Took this dagger in me and removed it. Gained the weight of you then lose it. Believe me, I could do it.” I think that, in one way or another, we’ve probably all felt the weight of those words on our heart. And that’s what makes this song heartbreaking and timely.

#6 no body, no crime

By the time I got to this song, I really needed it. Holy moly, did I need this song. And did it EVER come through for me. This song is ON FIRE. It’s so fabulous I was worried my emotions would cause some interference with the plane and send us right into the Atlantic. But you know what, I probably would’ve died happy. This song is actually about murder. Outright murder. But I can’t lie and thus will not: this song is an absolute banger. It takes you back in time a bit to Taylor’s early albums but also gives you a beautiful dose of right now Taylor. It’s such a fun song lyrically and musically and was the dose of relief that the album needed. It’s so strange to say that about a song which is literally about the murder of two people, but I suppose you’ll have to listen to it in order to understand what I’m saying. So off you go. Go do that. Well, after you finish reading this post go do that. Okay. Good talk.

#7 happiness

So, this post is one that I’ve obviously been thinking about since the moment I heard the album was dropping. I knew it needed to be written, and I was excited to write about it. But the reason I have taken almost four months to write it is because of this song. Because I really, really don’t know how to explain my feelings and thoughts on this song. This span of 5 minutes in the musical world has been the sole cause of my procrastination.

The first time I heard “happiness” on an airplane above the ocean, I absolutely hated it. I 100% hated this song. Let me say it again, I hated this song. I didn’t like any of it. I didn’t like the music or the lyrics. I thought it was a waste of production. But, let me be vulnerable and honest here since that’s kind of the point: in the back of my mind, I knew that I hated this song not because I just genuinely didn’t like it (which is valid), but because I couldn’t decide how it made me feel.

So, for a very long time, I ignored this song. And then one day whilst being at home for Christmas, I went to my sister’s house to get my hair done. There is something that happens to me quite often, and it’s called: I randomly get the need to listen to a very specific song until it makes my ears bleed. And this thing never ever happens with songs I genuinely dislike. So. When this happened to me that day, I decided to listen to what my heart was asking for and listen to it. And as such, I had this song on repeat for the rest of the day.

And to this very day, March 26, in the year of our Lord 2021, it is the song on the album that I have on repeat most often. As I’ve been writing this out and really thinking about it, I think the reason for that isn’t because I completely relate to this song or because it’s my favorite on the album or anything like that (if I had to pick a favorite on this album right now on pain of death it would obviously be “champagne problems” because I know brilliance when I encounter it thank you). The reason I listen to this song on repeat so often is because, for me, it’s ultimately about hope. I don’t relate to this song personally at all, but there is an aspect in it: something about the words and music together that gives me hope for the future. And after the time I’ve had, I really needed that.

#8 dorothea

And here we are. The other side to “’tis the damn season”. I have loved this song from the second it started playing. But funnily enough, what I remember most about my first little bit of time with this song is what my sister said about it, which was, “So Dorothea is actually the worst and he deserves way better.” She said it in such a way that I laughed out loud. (Which, now that I write that out, isn’t too groundbreaking. I love to laugh and as such it really isn’t that hard to make me laugh. Oh, well.) I love this song because when I listen to it, I think about love in its best form. This whole song is him saying to Dorothea, “Hey, I know you’re out there living your best life and following your dreams. And I support you 100%. But I also know that there are moments when you doubt everything and feel like you’ve lost yourself, and I want you to know that that will never happen. I always know you, and I’m always here for you.” Which is, in my opinion, one of the most romantic things in the world. Not only are the lyrics so sweet and special, but the music is great, too. Two thumbs up.

#9 coney island

Okay. So. For a really long time I couldn’t decide how I felt about this song because, again, I just had no idea what it was talking about. I couldn’t follow the narrative or the idea and as such, I just felt confused. But it was different than my experience with “gold rush” because I still really loved listening to it and singing along and basking in my ignorance. Then I learned that this song is about several of Taylor’s past relationships and her regrets in them, and it made it at least a million times better than it already was. I think it’s a very beautiful song that takes you on this journey through her heartbreaks and even some mistakes. It’s a moment when she looks at the times her heart was bleeding and acknowledges that she also made some poor choices and caused hurt – which I think is both courageously honest and relatable. I find it hauntingly beautiful.

#10 ivy

Okay. So. This song. I was very bothered by how much I loved this song. It’s such a fun song to listen to, to sing along with, and to softly jam to. But that actually kind of upset me because I felt like this song was just glorifying cheating on your significant other. Even worse than that, cheating on your spouse. Again, I talked about this in my Folklore post, but why do we have to keep having this conversation? Don’t cheat on your significant other. Just don’t do it. Why? Because it’s wrong. It’s not okay. Okay?

That being said, I love this song. This song does give some context to this particular fictional story, about why this woman might want to cheat. Some fans have posited that this song is a continuation of the story in Track 5, “tolerate it”. Although that maybe makes the whole cheating thing more “acceptable”, I’m not sure I buy the theory. Mostly because, in “tolerate it’, she literally talks about leaving the relationship. Not just having one on the side. So. In my opinion, that’s a little weak. Fan theories aside and everything, this song is really brilliantly done. The lyrics are absolutely lovely. Taylor’s ability to play with words and weave them together is an enviable gift and this song is a perfect example of what she can do with them. Like, “How’s one to know I’d meet you where the spirit meets the bones?” Really? She freaking wrote that? Like the audacity. It’s stunning and I can’t deal.

#11 cowboy like me

This song is not one that I listen to very often, which is actually sad because it’s a fantastic song. A song like this was a long time coming in Taylor’s career. That sort of bluesy country feel. Gosh, when I listen to this song, I’m just living for it. Also, let’s talk about the lyrics. Let’s talk about the fact that Taylor Swift LITERALLY wrote, “Now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon, with your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con.”

Let’s TALK ABOUT THAT. Yes, Queen. Tell me more. Tell me everything. Feed me lyrics like that for the rest of my life and I will never know darkness.

#12 long story short

Hot take from my sister and me: this song deserved to be Track 1 on Lover. Not to take anything at all away from “I forgot that you existed” because that song is absolute fire, but “long story short” tells the story so, so, so well and is just perfect. This song is about the really hard times Taylor went through in 2016, about what happened with her personal life and career and everything. That time was absolutely horrible for her, and she completely turned it around into messages like this:

“Pushed from the precipice climbed right back up the cliff, long story short I survived.”

This song talks about her current relationship with Joe Alwyn (btw, still waiting for the day when they announce that they’ve actually been married for a few years already. When that happens, I absolutely called it. You heard it here first, my dudes.). It talks about how this beautiful love is more important than any of those horrible days or dark moments, and when that rightness comes your way you just have to throw your sword in the bushes away and walk away from the meaningless fight to the one that’s actually worth it.

#13 marjorie

This song is about Taylor’s grandmother. Absolutely fitting since in Folklore, we got an out-of-this-world lovely song about her grandfather. It’s a song about how her grandmother lives in her memory and everything she wishes she’d done or asked her when she got the chance. It’s about the things her grandmother taught her that still influence Taylor’s life. It’s about how important it is to remember that our loved ones are always with us, even when we can’t see them anymore. It’s a lovely song. Taylor’s grandmother was an opera singer, and some of the background vocals in this song are from her performances back then. That addition to the song makes it even more powerful and poignant. Don’t take your loved ones for granted. Remember how much they mean to you and what they bring to your life, how much of them is in you. Taylor says it very simply, “You’re still around.” And that’s true. I am adding my own conviction to just how true that is.

#14 closure

How can I say this in a meaningful way? Perhaps like this:

This song is terrible. I hate this song. I absolutely hate this song. It was all I could do to get through it on the plane. I knew right then that I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like it just because I found it genuinely dislikable. I completely understand what Taylor was trying to do with it, but I don’t even care because I can’t deal. Sometimes this song comes up and just listening to the first little bit of it is too much for me. The music, the lyrics. The everything. I just don’t like it because it’s the worst and terrible. That’s all. I can’t find it in myself to extract more from it. Somebody out there probably can and does and if you’re into this song I’m happy for you, but I am not and never can be. That’s all I have to say.

#15 evermore

The title track. Man. Here we are, at the end of the album, with this song that is, in a word: exquisite. There are portions of this song that just ring in your heart. What is interesting about this song is the bridge. I had a hard time with the bridge for a long time for one simple fact: I just don’t think there needed to be an accompaniment to this song. I don’t think anybody else needed to be singing. We’ve seen how fantastic Bon Iver and Taylor can be together (again, see Folklore), but I just really don’t think it was necessary for this song. I’d like a version where it’s just her. However, I have a feeling that the reason that might not exist is because if it did the world would implode. The pre-choruses and choruses of this song are where my heart starts to convulse a little, but then again, the verses have a lot of nerve, too, so I don’t even know where to go with that line of logic.

I would not necessarily show this song to somebody and say, “This is the most relatable song in the entire world please listen to it, and then you’ll know me.” And I think that’s the case because this song talks about really deep and excruciating pain that I think we’ve all felt at some point. I have definitely had moments, countless moments, actually, where I sat with my pain in my hands and knew that it would never go away. That it would be there forevermore. And while that’s heart-wrenching and, quite honestly, the most terrible experience of being human, it isn’t one I can point at and say: yes, this is 100% me I’d like a tattoo now. Because it’s everybody, really.

But I would show this song to somebody and say, “This song is so stunningly beautiful. Please listen to it and let it fill your soul.” Because at the end of the day, I think that’s what this song does. It’s about what is and is not “evermore”. And that is really what I feel in the deepest part of me. In some distant day, perhaps when I’m looking back on this life, I’ll understand all of this more fully.

“And I was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step. And I couldn’t be sure, I had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be forevermore.”

I will not be reviewing the bonus tracks here, because I think this is where the album is meant to end. I think you’re meant to leave with that beautiful reminder singing in your mind.

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About the Creator

Jordan Parkinson

Author, historian, baker, firm believer that life isn't as complicated as we make it out to be.

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